this post is exactly one week overdue. think about it.
it just goes to show how different the standards are by which God and men measure things. By all earthly standards, it was a washout. One frantic week of planning, the now-familiar mild flutterings of panic, it all came to naught. Yet somewhere in the extremely-small crowd, God was doing something special.
And I guess it's time to get used to the fact that this is how it's going to be, much of the time. God shows his awesome power by working through those who are weak. what was that verse, "He has used the foolish things of this world to shame the wisdom of the wise." We can be absolutely sure to take no credit, when the event fails spectacularly. His ways are higher than ours.
and yet, the fact remains that i did it. if i had not done it, then perhaps God would not have had that singular opportunity to speak into someone's life. It's an obedience thing, and will always be an obedience thing. We do what we are called to, as best as we can figure out what it is we are being called to do, and God does his own thing through our feeble efforts.
And it's a remarkably freeing discovery, and humbling too. The progress of God's Kingdom is not dependent on our abilities - God works in spite of it, for His greater glory. The progress of God's Kingdom is only dependent on humility, and obedience. To do that to which we are called, and to call out to Him in our weakness. and failures are not necessarily reflections on us, but merely God accomplishing His work in a subtle way. It's utterly amazing.
Dec 30, 2006
Dec 25, 2006
SBWR
that's short for Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve, where i was today. saw about a hundred crabs, a handful of giant mudskippers, and two monitor lizards happily basking less than a metre off the path.
saw a single magpie robin, and a copper-throated sunbird, both of which are apparently considered quite rare in Singapore. also huge flocks of what i THINK are curlew sandpipers. shore birds are more difficult to identify.
been to lazy to blog properly of late. been too busy. plenty to write about, no time to write it in. bah.
saw a single magpie robin, and a copper-throated sunbird, both of which are apparently considered quite rare in Singapore. also huge flocks of what i THINK are curlew sandpipers. shore birds are more difficult to identify.
been to lazy to blog properly of late. been too busy. plenty to write about, no time to write it in. bah.
Dec 15, 2006
The difference between learning and being taught is this: learning appeals
to our pride and ego...being taught requires submission and the acceptance
of authority. Learning can end up filling in the space between our
ears. But correction and discipline will not give up until there is
life-change. It's the difference between information and
transformation. God is never satisfied to fill our minds...He wants to
radically alter our lives. - Rick Foster
to our pride and ego...being taught requires submission and the acceptance
of authority. Learning can end up filling in the space between our
ears. But correction and discipline will not give up until there is
life-change. It's the difference between information and
transformation. God is never satisfied to fill our minds...He wants to
radically alter our lives. - Rick Foster
Dec 8, 2006
post-exam fever!
well. not exactly fever. don't thinki'm feverish. down with flu, though. missed the casting crowns worship concert thing. missing cell tonight too probably. yet somehow i'm glad.
there's nothing like being a little bit ill to make you appreciate how good life is. sitting in the car with my dad and sis, and talking about not much in particular, and enjoying it thoroughly.
i think i crave companionship alot more when i'm not feeling well. had no company on the way home, but at least i had a nice full-size pillow, which i was bringing back from hostel. slept rather well on the train. =)
there was once i told someone that it was probably true that guys thought about sex roughly 500 times a day. but that was where i was then. i think i was in the army at the time. i no longer think its true. i think it depends alot on where i am in relation to God at that point in time.
i have learnt that telling yourself you will not do something doesn't work. not for me, anyway. worked for Job apparently, who made a "covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a woman", but not for me. what works for me is when i approach God in the morning, and humbly ask for grace and His protection from the temptations that come to me, knowing full well and having proven over and over that i cannot do it on my own. and faith sustains me throughout the day.
I thank God for the exams that have just gone by, and for this first semester at uni. Never have been so stressed in my life - to the point of tears at one point. stupid term paper. But i have learned part of what it means to trust God, and to be a faithful steward of my time. i have learned about rest at appropriate times, and i have learned that whatever work we have, it has been given to us by God, and in doing it faithfully, we worship God. i've learnt about the dangers of self-indulgence.
the challenge is to remember this once next sem starts again.
i saw an eagle today. too far away to make out the species. i saw a small flock of white-crested laughingthrushes some weeks ago, and i think i'm learning to recognise their calls. and this big black bird with red eyes which i can't identify yet. another unidentified species of woodpecker. there's a scarlet-backed flowerpecker who like to hang around in the trees just outside my window, and i've learnt how to recognise it's calls. the amount of variety in the plumage of the birds is simply incredible. awe-inspiring. indescribable.
It's amazing what prayer does. Amazing how much God cares about the little little details in your life. Like how when i sit down in the outdoors to be quiet and i ask God to show me something amazing, He has never failed me. Like how I had some strange extended family function which i was rather dreading going for, and somehow my gf appears at the same table as me to keep me company all night. how i only fall ill on the day of my last exam paper.
and it's stunning how faithless, and prayerless i still am, in the light of all this. in spite of the joy i've had in my quiet times these past few months, i find myself drifting away again. letting my feelings, my physical tiredness, any excuse to get in the way. but it's all excuses. but i'm still learning.
there's nothing like being a little bit ill to make you appreciate how good life is. sitting in the car with my dad and sis, and talking about not much in particular, and enjoying it thoroughly.
i think i crave companionship alot more when i'm not feeling well. had no company on the way home, but at least i had a nice full-size pillow, which i was bringing back from hostel. slept rather well on the train. =)
there was once i told someone that it was probably true that guys thought about sex roughly 500 times a day. but that was where i was then. i think i was in the army at the time. i no longer think its true. i think it depends alot on where i am in relation to God at that point in time.
i have learnt that telling yourself you will not do something doesn't work. not for me, anyway. worked for Job apparently, who made a "covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a woman", but not for me. what works for me is when i approach God in the morning, and humbly ask for grace and His protection from the temptations that come to me, knowing full well and having proven over and over that i cannot do it on my own. and faith sustains me throughout the day.
I thank God for the exams that have just gone by, and for this first semester at uni. Never have been so stressed in my life - to the point of tears at one point. stupid term paper. But i have learned part of what it means to trust God, and to be a faithful steward of my time. i have learned about rest at appropriate times, and i have learned that whatever work we have, it has been given to us by God, and in doing it faithfully, we worship God. i've learnt about the dangers of self-indulgence.
the challenge is to remember this once next sem starts again.
i saw an eagle today. too far away to make out the species. i saw a small flock of white-crested laughingthrushes some weeks ago, and i think i'm learning to recognise their calls. and this big black bird with red eyes which i can't identify yet. another unidentified species of woodpecker. there's a scarlet-backed flowerpecker who like to hang around in the trees just outside my window, and i've learnt how to recognise it's calls. the amount of variety in the plumage of the birds is simply incredible. awe-inspiring. indescribable.
It's amazing what prayer does. Amazing how much God cares about the little little details in your life. Like how when i sit down in the outdoors to be quiet and i ask God to show me something amazing, He has never failed me. Like how I had some strange extended family function which i was rather dreading going for, and somehow my gf appears at the same table as me to keep me company all night. how i only fall ill on the day of my last exam paper.
and it's stunning how faithless, and prayerless i still am, in the light of all this. in spite of the joy i've had in my quiet times these past few months, i find myself drifting away again. letting my feelings, my physical tiredness, any excuse to get in the way. but it's all excuses. but i'm still learning.
Nov 9, 2006
Nov 7, 2006
i have come to believe that the single most important criteria for doing well in examinations is divine inspiration. not that i can tell my students that, i think.
and so it comes to that time once again, where i find my own strength insufficient. i look at my efforts, and see how dismal they are. i am surrounded by supermen, but i am only clark kent and nothing more.
truly good grades are a gift from the Lord, and no-one else. let no one boast in this. if He wills to be gracious to you, that is good. and if He chooses to give you some other good gift instead, that is good too. what have we to do, but to be faithful in what we do daily.
Take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne
and so it comes to that time once again, where i find my own strength insufficient. i look at my efforts, and see how dismal they are. i am surrounded by supermen, but i am only clark kent and nothing more.
truly good grades are a gift from the Lord, and no-one else. let no one boast in this. if He wills to be gracious to you, that is good. and if He chooses to give you some other good gift instead, that is good too. what have we to do, but to be faithful in what we do daily.
Take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne
Bird-watching
gotten quite enthusiastic about birdwatching of late... it doesn't take much effort. just look around when you hear them calling. but you usually have to spend quite abit of time looking... birds tend to be fairly small. and then you go look on the internet and in books and stuff to find out what they're called.
i saw a Greater Racket-tailed Drongo in Macritchie three times... i think it was probably the same bird, on three different occasions. I saw a pair of Magpie Robins and a pair of Black-Naped Orioles hanging around FASS, a small group of Olive-backed Sunbirds hanging around near Physics, and a pair of Common Flamebacks (beautiful woodpeckers with bright orangey backs) behind PGP. thinking about joining some of the Nature Society (Singapore) excursions.
also saw a skink wander across the track in Macritchie and a kingfisher in Bishan Park
useful links:
www.nss.org.sg
besgroup.blogspot.com
www.pulauhantu.org
i saw a Greater Racket-tailed Drongo in Macritchie three times... i think it was probably the same bird, on three different occasions. I saw a pair of Magpie Robins and a pair of Black-Naped Orioles hanging around FASS, a small group of Olive-backed Sunbirds hanging around near Physics, and a pair of Common Flamebacks (beautiful woodpeckers with bright orangey backs) behind PGP. thinking about joining some of the Nature Society (Singapore) excursions.
also saw a skink wander across the track in Macritchie and a kingfisher in Bishan Park
useful links:
www.nss.org.sg
besgroup.blogspot.com
www.pulauhantu.org
Nov 4, 2006
Giant Alien Bug Found In Germany!!
http://googlesightseeing.com/maps?p=1082&c=&ie=UTF8&om=1&z=18&ll=48.857635,10.20529&spn=0.002527,0.005032&t=k
Satellite photo of giant alien bug found recently in Germany. very authentic, very cool. Satellite photos don't lie, do they?
i just recently subscribed to the google earth sightseer e-magazine thingy, and this appeared in the first issue. quite fun.
Satellite photo of giant alien bug found recently in Germany. very authentic, very cool. Satellite photos don't lie, do they?
i just recently subscribed to the google earth sightseer e-magazine thingy, and this appeared in the first issue. quite fun.
Oct 31, 2006
Oct 26, 2006
Can
just had a two hour long dinner with the captain doctor president scholar.
i have a hunch that those four words may actually be specific to only one person in the Singapore context, or perhaps two. but anyway.
i strongly believe that every person can do amazing things in their life, given the right inspiration. i believe that if you give someone a cause to believe in, they will live their life for the cause. i believe that if you challenge a person to do something great, more often than not they will surprise you. i believe that alot of the things that hold people back in their daily lives are actually just obstacles in their mind. "i can't do this" is a lie.
i guess we found a bit of common ground to talk about, in how to develop people. we agreed on certain things. like how alot of the time, we as people have certain beliefs in our mind which prevent us from doing things. The eye-fo was a case in point - much of the event planning was done by a trio of 19-year-old girls, and the event was acclaimed as the best ever by many. if i had been approached to take it up, i dare say that my first reaction would have been "This is too big for me. I can't do this." As it is, i only got involved because i thought (quite correctly) that my role was small.
i wonder if those three ladies would have taken up this role if they knew how big it was going to become...
and the truth is, they did a marvellous job of it. having been entrusted fully with the responsibility, they rose to the occasion and did hugely amazing things which i never imagined possible for a bunch of girls fresh out of JC.
i think that if you fully take on a responsibility, you will grow into it. if you embrace it as your own responsibility, and set about to accomplish it as best as you can, you will do a pretty good job of it. even if you don't have the talent and the skills to get it done, once you have acknowledged that it is your responsibility and no one else's, you will go and find people who can help YOU to get it done YOURSELF.
i believe that youth nowadays have too few responsibilities. school hardly counts, honestly. young people don't believe that anything they do actually matters, and hence they spend their time doing things that don't matter. if you believed that you could make a difference, would you?
one big change in my life these past few.. months? year? i believe i can make a difference.
I'd like to quote here the words from the adidas ad that ran here some time ago, with apologies to adidas.
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary.
Impossible is nothing.
If you believed that you could make a difference, would you?
i have a hunch that those four words may actually be specific to only one person in the Singapore context, or perhaps two. but anyway.
i strongly believe that every person can do amazing things in their life, given the right inspiration. i believe that if you give someone a cause to believe in, they will live their life for the cause. i believe that if you challenge a person to do something great, more often than not they will surprise you. i believe that alot of the things that hold people back in their daily lives are actually just obstacles in their mind. "i can't do this" is a lie.
i guess we found a bit of common ground to talk about, in how to develop people. we agreed on certain things. like how alot of the time, we as people have certain beliefs in our mind which prevent us from doing things. The eye-fo was a case in point - much of the event planning was done by a trio of 19-year-old girls, and the event was acclaimed as the best ever by many. if i had been approached to take it up, i dare say that my first reaction would have been "This is too big for me. I can't do this." As it is, i only got involved because i thought (quite correctly) that my role was small.
i wonder if those three ladies would have taken up this role if they knew how big it was going to become...
and the truth is, they did a marvellous job of it. having been entrusted fully with the responsibility, they rose to the occasion and did hugely amazing things which i never imagined possible for a bunch of girls fresh out of JC.
i think that if you fully take on a responsibility, you will grow into it. if you embrace it as your own responsibility, and set about to accomplish it as best as you can, you will do a pretty good job of it. even if you don't have the talent and the skills to get it done, once you have acknowledged that it is your responsibility and no one else's, you will go and find people who can help YOU to get it done YOURSELF.
i believe that youth nowadays have too few responsibilities. school hardly counts, honestly. young people don't believe that anything they do actually matters, and hence they spend their time doing things that don't matter. if you believed that you could make a difference, would you?
one big change in my life these past few.. months? year? i believe i can make a difference.
I'd like to quote here the words from the adidas ad that ran here some time ago, with apologies to adidas.
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary.
Impossible is nothing.
If you believed that you could make a difference, would you?
Oct 24, 2006
a matter of perspective
i thank God for perspective.
so i only took like the longest time today to get into school. it normally takes me anywhere between half an hour to an hour to get into school from jill's place, depending on waiting times - half an hour is with zero waiting time. usually if i take an hour to get in, i get pretty annoyed...
it's the waiting i can't stand. you can't do anything while you're waiting for the bus - half your attention needs to be on the road, lest your bus goes past you while you're engrossed in something else. given a choice between waiting half an hour for a fifteen minute ride, and not waiting at all for an hour long ride, i'd choose the latter - at least you can sleep on the bus.
but of course, that never happens, because you never think you're gonna end up waiting for half an hour, right?
walking to the bus-stop opposite jill's, i saw the bus i needed to take zoom past the stop. cue 15min wait. upon arriving at the holland V interchange, i saw BOTH buses i could take leaving. simultaneously. it always happens somehow; there are two different services i can take there, but i always end up waiting 15 minutes anyway.
so i walked to buona vista, hoping to catch a different service going the same way. didn't work. waited 15min for a 95, which i could have taken from the original bus stop anyway.
arrived in NUS. saw the internal shuttle leaving the bus stop. waited half an hour for the next one to arrive. i think there was only one bus on duty tonight - and it was probably alternating between the A1 and A2 routes. i mean seriously - after i had waited 10 minutes, i saw the A1 pass by on the opposite side of the road, but i decided not to take it since it takes a route about 5 times longer than the A2 to get to hall. but on hindsight, i guess i should have. on hindsight, i shouldn't have taken the 95, but should have taken the 92/200 which would have probably arrived within 2 minutes.
one hour of waiting, for about half an hour of travelling. normally i'd be screaming mad by now. i mean by about half an hour ago. but i thank God for perspective.
it's easy to blame God when these things happen. If you believe that God is omnipotent and in control of all things, if you believe that nothing is coincidental, but everything is planned by God, then God has to take the blame for these things. I was trying very hard not to think about that, but half an hour of waiting is abit much. the most i've ever done before is 45mins, but thats because the buses were full and wouldn't stop.
so i was asking God why He was wasting my time like this, and what could possibly be the reason for making me wait so long. and i remember that i haven't exactly been very faithful in how i use my time either. playing abit too much dota these past two nights, eating into my sleep time. other things too, internet etc. been quite ill-disciplined this past week.
and what came to me was this: if all i'm gonna do with the time God gives me is fritter it away frivolously, then God might as well not give me the time, and take it away in even more frivolous things i.e waiting endlessly for buses.
it reminded me of the parable of the talents, somehow. the guys who put their talents to work ended up receiving more from God, but the one who didn't bother using his talent had it taken away from him.
so here i am, frittering away some more time frivolously, blogging. but i hope it's not a frivolous activity. i hope you learn something from it.
God Bless.
May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus
For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You
Lord, will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart
so i only took like the longest time today to get into school. it normally takes me anywhere between half an hour to an hour to get into school from jill's place, depending on waiting times - half an hour is with zero waiting time. usually if i take an hour to get in, i get pretty annoyed...
it's the waiting i can't stand. you can't do anything while you're waiting for the bus - half your attention needs to be on the road, lest your bus goes past you while you're engrossed in something else. given a choice between waiting half an hour for a fifteen minute ride, and not waiting at all for an hour long ride, i'd choose the latter - at least you can sleep on the bus.
but of course, that never happens, because you never think you're gonna end up waiting for half an hour, right?
walking to the bus-stop opposite jill's, i saw the bus i needed to take zoom past the stop. cue 15min wait. upon arriving at the holland V interchange, i saw BOTH buses i could take leaving. simultaneously. it always happens somehow; there are two different services i can take there, but i always end up waiting 15 minutes anyway.
so i walked to buona vista, hoping to catch a different service going the same way. didn't work. waited 15min for a 95, which i could have taken from the original bus stop anyway.
arrived in NUS. saw the internal shuttle leaving the bus stop. waited half an hour for the next one to arrive. i think there was only one bus on duty tonight - and it was probably alternating between the A1 and A2 routes. i mean seriously - after i had waited 10 minutes, i saw the A1 pass by on the opposite side of the road, but i decided not to take it since it takes a route about 5 times longer than the A2 to get to hall. but on hindsight, i guess i should have. on hindsight, i shouldn't have taken the 95, but should have taken the 92/200 which would have probably arrived within 2 minutes.
one hour of waiting, for about half an hour of travelling. normally i'd be screaming mad by now. i mean by about half an hour ago. but i thank God for perspective.
it's easy to blame God when these things happen. If you believe that God is omnipotent and in control of all things, if you believe that nothing is coincidental, but everything is planned by God, then God has to take the blame for these things. I was trying very hard not to think about that, but half an hour of waiting is abit much. the most i've ever done before is 45mins, but thats because the buses were full and wouldn't stop.
so i was asking God why He was wasting my time like this, and what could possibly be the reason for making me wait so long. and i remember that i haven't exactly been very faithful in how i use my time either. playing abit too much dota these past two nights, eating into my sleep time. other things too, internet etc. been quite ill-disciplined this past week.
and what came to me was this: if all i'm gonna do with the time God gives me is fritter it away frivolously, then God might as well not give me the time, and take it away in even more frivolous things i.e waiting endlessly for buses.
it reminded me of the parable of the talents, somehow. the guys who put their talents to work ended up receiving more from God, but the one who didn't bother using his talent had it taken away from him.
so here i am, frittering away some more time frivolously, blogging. but i hope it's not a frivolous activity. i hope you learn something from it.
God Bless.
May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus
For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You
Lord, will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart
Oct 13, 2006
Word of God spoke
so there i was, back in my hostel room last night. the door was closed, the lights were off, the blinds were up, and the night sky was beautiful. my girlfriend was with me, and we were just lying on my bed, talking about stuff.
and then i was tempted, as i often am, and perhaps i might have fallen, except for this song which had been stuck in my head the whole night, which i was still humming to myself even as i lay there.
Word of God speak
Won't you pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your Majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your Holiness
Word of God speak
Eph 4:30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Ps 51:11 (After David had committed adultery) Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Haven't been blogging much of late. NUS is working me quite hard.
and then i was tempted, as i often am, and perhaps i might have fallen, except for this song which had been stuck in my head the whole night, which i was still humming to myself even as i lay there.
Word of God speak
Won't you pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your Majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your Holiness
Word of God speak
Eph 4:30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Ps 51:11 (After David had committed adultery) Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Haven't been blogging much of late. NUS is working me quite hard.
Sep 24, 2006
mugger = ?
before i make some lame joke about muggers, here's the first ever multimedia content on this blog!
nothing much to note, except the hilarious moment when Craig Bellamy, missing an absolute open goal, stands there with his head in his hands while teammate Mark Gonzalez rifles home the rebound. (roughly 51st and 57th second of the video)
In the words of Homer Simpson, "Doh!"
Anyway, it's a very interesting point to note that the word mugger has a very different meaning in Singapore compared to the rest of the world. In Singapore, it refers to someone who studies very hard - elsewhere, it refers to someone who hides in dark alleys at night, bonks you on the head and takes your wallet.
I imagine it must cause some confusion when Singaporean students go overseas...
Roles:
Singaporean Student Complaining About Competitives School System (SG)
Clueless Ang-Moh Trying To Decipher The Intricacies Of Singlish (AM)
SG: Yah lar... how to be the top of the class in Singapore... whole country full of chao muggers
AM: *has the strange mental picture of innocent students being waylaid by miscreants*
Sounds like decent material for a mrbrown.com podcast, actually.
Bet the foreigners will start wondering how true Singapore's reputation for low crime is, if we're "full of muggers"
I mean, all the top muggers from the surrounding countries come here lor... worse still, the government sponsors some of them...
SG: "Yah man, NUS is the worst place lah.. like, every single person there is a super-mugger"
AM: *thinking that it must be quite hard to study if you're beaten up and robbed every single day*
therefore, for those people going overseas to study, please be aware that using the word mugger in a foreign setting may lead to international misunderstandings. =)
nothing much to note, except the hilarious moment when Craig Bellamy, missing an absolute open goal, stands there with his head in his hands while teammate Mark Gonzalez rifles home the rebound. (roughly 51st and 57th second of the video)
In the words of Homer Simpson, "Doh!"
Anyway, it's a very interesting point to note that the word mugger has a very different meaning in Singapore compared to the rest of the world. In Singapore, it refers to someone who studies very hard - elsewhere, it refers to someone who hides in dark alleys at night, bonks you on the head and takes your wallet.
I imagine it must cause some confusion when Singaporean students go overseas...
Roles:
Singaporean Student Complaining About Competitives School System (SG)
Clueless Ang-Moh Trying To Decipher The Intricacies Of Singlish (AM)
SG: Yah lar... how to be the top of the class in Singapore... whole country full of chao muggers
AM: *has the strange mental picture of innocent students being waylaid by miscreants*
Sounds like decent material for a mrbrown.com podcast, actually.
Bet the foreigners will start wondering how true Singapore's reputation for low crime is, if we're "full of muggers"
I mean, all the top muggers from the surrounding countries come here lor... worse still, the government sponsors some of them...
SG: "Yah man, NUS is the worst place lah.. like, every single person there is a super-mugger"
AM: *thinking that it must be quite hard to study if you're beaten up and robbed every single day*
therefore, for those people going overseas to study, please be aware that using the word mugger in a foreign setting may lead to international misunderstandings. =)
Sep 8, 2006
Sep 7, 2006
faith that brings freedom
"And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free."
I learnt something recently about faith, that's been quite freeing.
Sometimes it's hard to have faith in God for miracles. Hard to believe that miracles happen in this day and age, although i've heard so many testimonies of it happening. In the back of my mind is always the thought, "What if I ask for this, and it doesn't come true? What does that say about my God?" God knows its happened often enough. Prayers rejected, sometimes many in a row, leave me wondering where my faith is. I hate the doubting, so sometimes I don't dare to ask.
something i learnt recently... not sure where from. perhaps it was revelation. no bible references either.. =).. so terrible.
what is our faith based on? ponder this for a moment.
our faith is not based on God's past faithfulness, even though this may provide a very convincing case by itself. No, our faith is based on who God is, who by very nature is as faithful as man is faithless. If I ask God for something, and it does not come true, it no longer shakes my faith, because my faith is not based on God's track record. and so I have become emboldened to ask for things, and in yet another counter-intuitive result, my prayers are now answered more often than not. How i never have to wait more than a minute to get a seat in Science canteen at lunch hour, or never fail to get a seat on the train when i really want one.
tomorrow's Nav rally is on faith. think i'm skipping cell again to go and listen. sigh... not really sure where my priorities lie now... physics pracs again next week!! oh nose!!
I learnt something recently about faith, that's been quite freeing.
Sometimes it's hard to have faith in God for miracles. Hard to believe that miracles happen in this day and age, although i've heard so many testimonies of it happening. In the back of my mind is always the thought, "What if I ask for this, and it doesn't come true? What does that say about my God?" God knows its happened often enough. Prayers rejected, sometimes many in a row, leave me wondering where my faith is. I hate the doubting, so sometimes I don't dare to ask.
something i learnt recently... not sure where from. perhaps it was revelation. no bible references either.. =).. so terrible.
what is our faith based on? ponder this for a moment.
our faith is not based on God's past faithfulness, even though this may provide a very convincing case by itself. No, our faith is based on who God is, who by very nature is as faithful as man is faithless. If I ask God for something, and it does not come true, it no longer shakes my faith, because my faith is not based on God's track record. and so I have become emboldened to ask for things, and in yet another counter-intuitive result, my prayers are now answered more often than not. How i never have to wait more than a minute to get a seat in Science canteen at lunch hour, or never fail to get a seat on the train when i really want one.
tomorrow's Nav rally is on faith. think i'm skipping cell again to go and listen. sigh... not really sure where my priorities lie now... physics pracs again next week!! oh nose!!
Orange and Blue
a month of school has come and gone...
over a month, probably, since i put anything here of any worth. i wonder why the same few people keep coming back, when this is so rarely updated. i wonder why i still receive feedback on what i write nearly immediately after it gets written.
thanks peeps.
so. a month of school. just about went nuts the first two weeks, trying to remember how to cope with school again. i've conveniently forgotten these past couple of years that my JC life was blessed beyond belief - teachers who didn't believe in collecting tutorials/assignments; teachers who were absolutely brilliant at doing what they did - training me to take my exams and take them well.
that's partly why i want to teach.
but it's a whole different kettle of fish here at NUS. no one's really gonna take care of you; sink or swim by your own merits. just keeping track of the various tutorials/lecture notes/lab manuals/random announcements and other random things for six separate modules is more than one consciousness can handle. i've settled down, after i concluded that being a science geek, all that really matters are the tutorials and labs... if i can do those, i should be fine when the exams come around. although i'm absolutely lost as to what i should do for those non-science modules which don't have tutorials... owell.
I've settled into digs at PGP, which is 5 minutes by shuttle bus from where all my classes are held. i've taken my room and made it look like my own, replete with love notes from gf. i've got stuff put away neatly in files, i've got a stack of CDs waiting to be recorded into the laptop, i've got several books waiting for me to read them.
i'm really enjoying myself here... it just seems easier to focus and get my work done when i'm always conscious of the fact that hey, i'm still in school! i thank God for the scholarship that has made all these things possible.
it wasn't school so much that was stressful. i stressed myself out, really. my goal, my aim, is to take this time that i have here, alone and away from the distractions of home, to really make good use of my time. to be a good steward of this precious resource God has given me. and so i filled my days with endless activities, not least of which was quiet time in the morning everyday sometime before 10am, which is when my first lesson starts everyday.
i guess i burnt out. i still look on in envy at the people who put 12 hours in everyday running about and seem to be still so full of energy at the end of it - who do their work on buses between destinations, or do tutorials while simultaneously paying attention to the lecturer. who don't ever seem to need time to wind down and rest except at the end of each day when they go to bed. i'm jealous. maybe it's my diet, or my lack of exercise, but i can't keep up with them.
it's a hopeless battle, perhaps. i've given in, and spent the last 2 and a half hours playing FM2006, and i feel better. but in little mood to work. don't think i'll do anything tonight.
-) <---- that's a cyclops smiley face
i guess that at heart i don't believe that God can work though my personality to do good works that someone designed otherwise cannot do. my belief is that my personality is a hindrance brought on by challenges which i ran from when growing up. how does God work through the person who sees a familiar face, and walks in the opposite direction because he's often not fond of company? we were made for fellowship!
i find meeting new people so tiring. it's such an effort to make small talk at the beginning of a relationship - i much prefer it when there's an excuse such as work, to keep the conversation going. so much so that i tend to avoid acquaintances, and choose to only talk to established friends. and i'm guesssing that people think i'm conceited, which may not be too far off the mark. what can i say? i'm too lazy to make the effort to get to know someone whom i believe i will never meet again, and in a small country like Singapore, that choice often proves to be a poor one. God work through this? more like God work to change this, i think.
so many things i want to say... but so lazy.
a friend posted the lyrics to a song that i heard once before, which i want to learn. but i'm against piracy, which means that i've got to splash out 20-30 bucks to pick up the CD... doesn't seem worth it, somehow. haven't bought a CD in months, or maybe even years. i keep telling myself God honours those who honour Him... and i know that i can live without having all the latest songs, or even the most inspiring songs. remember that Lucifer was supposedly the angel of music.... puts me in mind of Phantom. -)
over a month, probably, since i put anything here of any worth. i wonder why the same few people keep coming back, when this is so rarely updated. i wonder why i still receive feedback on what i write nearly immediately after it gets written.
thanks peeps.
so. a month of school. just about went nuts the first two weeks, trying to remember how to cope with school again. i've conveniently forgotten these past couple of years that my JC life was blessed beyond belief - teachers who didn't believe in collecting tutorials/assignments; teachers who were absolutely brilliant at doing what they did - training me to take my exams and take them well.
that's partly why i want to teach.
but it's a whole different kettle of fish here at NUS. no one's really gonna take care of you; sink or swim by your own merits. just keeping track of the various tutorials/lecture notes/lab manuals/random announcements and other random things for six separate modules is more than one consciousness can handle. i've settled down, after i concluded that being a science geek, all that really matters are the tutorials and labs... if i can do those, i should be fine when the exams come around. although i'm absolutely lost as to what i should do for those non-science modules which don't have tutorials... owell.
I've settled into digs at PGP, which is 5 minutes by shuttle bus from where all my classes are held. i've taken my room and made it look like my own, replete with love notes from gf. i've got stuff put away neatly in files, i've got a stack of CDs waiting to be recorded into the laptop, i've got several books waiting for me to read them.
i'm really enjoying myself here... it just seems easier to focus and get my work done when i'm always conscious of the fact that hey, i'm still in school! i thank God for the scholarship that has made all these things possible.
it wasn't school so much that was stressful. i stressed myself out, really. my goal, my aim, is to take this time that i have here, alone and away from the distractions of home, to really make good use of my time. to be a good steward of this precious resource God has given me. and so i filled my days with endless activities, not least of which was quiet time in the morning everyday sometime before 10am, which is when my first lesson starts everyday.
i guess i burnt out. i still look on in envy at the people who put 12 hours in everyday running about and seem to be still so full of energy at the end of it - who do their work on buses between destinations, or do tutorials while simultaneously paying attention to the lecturer. who don't ever seem to need time to wind down and rest except at the end of each day when they go to bed. i'm jealous. maybe it's my diet, or my lack of exercise, but i can't keep up with them.
it's a hopeless battle, perhaps. i've given in, and spent the last 2 and a half hours playing FM2006, and i feel better. but in little mood to work. don't think i'll do anything tonight.
-) <---- that's a cyclops smiley face
i guess that at heart i don't believe that God can work though my personality to do good works that someone designed otherwise cannot do. my belief is that my personality is a hindrance brought on by challenges which i ran from when growing up. how does God work through the person who sees a familiar face, and walks in the opposite direction because he's often not fond of company? we were made for fellowship!
i find meeting new people so tiring. it's such an effort to make small talk at the beginning of a relationship - i much prefer it when there's an excuse such as work, to keep the conversation going. so much so that i tend to avoid acquaintances, and choose to only talk to established friends. and i'm guesssing that people think i'm conceited, which may not be too far off the mark. what can i say? i'm too lazy to make the effort to get to know someone whom i believe i will never meet again, and in a small country like Singapore, that choice often proves to be a poor one. God work through this? more like God work to change this, i think.
so many things i want to say... but so lazy.
a friend posted the lyrics to a song that i heard once before, which i want to learn. but i'm against piracy, which means that i've got to splash out 20-30 bucks to pick up the CD... doesn't seem worth it, somehow. haven't bought a CD in months, or maybe even years. i keep telling myself God honours those who honour Him... and i know that i can live without having all the latest songs, or even the most inspiring songs. remember that Lucifer was supposedly the angel of music.... puts me in mind of Phantom. -)
Sep 4, 2006
Liverpool over Chelsea, no doubt about it
This is the wrong place to put this, but i need some place to remember this link by.
http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=291830&cc=5739
The relevant quote from Mourinho being, "Liverpool over Chelsea, no doubt about it." =)
http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=291830&cc=5739
The relevant quote from Mourinho being, "Liverpool over Chelsea, no doubt about it." =)
Aug 3, 2006
What price, failure?
this post is inspired by something my dad was sharing with me.
he was talking about the huge obstacles to local entrepreneurship, despite all the governmental schemes to encourage it. he used the example of a lemonade stand...
it is the stereotypically american thing-to-do-in-summer-when-your-kid-is-bored-and-wants-more-money to set up a little lemonade stand on the sidewalk, and staff it with a blue-eyed, blonde girl with ribbons in her hair etc etc. my dad asked, what would happen if we tried this in singapore?
AVA would get on your case, ask if you had gotten approval for selling consumables. NEA would want to ask about the hygiene standards of your preparation. SPF would inquire as to whether you have a license to run a business. that's three off the top of my head, and i've never actually tried - i'm sure there would be more trouble than that. before you sold your first drink, you would be a thousand dollars in the red.
it seems that in singapore, you have to get permission before you do anything, which is in stark contrast to the attitudes in some other countries, where if it isn't explicitly banned, it must therefore be legal?
the startup costs in singapore are so extremely high, that few people have the capital to even survive one failed business, let alone try again. so that got me thinking on this whole concept on the fear of failure...
It was Winston Churchill who said that success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm. We can relate to this in our everyday lives - did we not fall a single time when we learnt to ride a bicycle? Yet if we choose to focus on the consequences of failure, we would have never learnt. Yet we fail and we continue to fail to apply this simple lesson as we grow.
Perhaps it is because the consequences of failure only become magnified with age. Each risk is treated like a gamble, and we feel the stakes too high to get involved. But at what price?
At secondary school, we pick and choose the subjects which will probably give us the best grades. Eventually, we pick and choose the career path which will give us the best prospects. We shy away from things outside our comfort zone, because to try new things is to court failure. Better to stick to what you know well, and do well. I say this from personal experience.
It seems therefore that the sum of our life experiences occured before the age of six. Everything thereafter is a repeat of those experiences. We become like hermit crabs, hiding in our shells. Or even the proverbial frog at the bottom of the well. And we never go on to fulfill the vast potential hidden within us waiting to be released.
I believe that everyone has a great talent and gift waiting to be released. I think that if anyone knew me during JC and knew me now, they would not recognise me. How much difference a little confidence makes.
I want to thank the people who have been prodding me in various ways out of my comfort zones. To try new things, and to discover new things, and discover in the midst of all these new things, new things about myself that I never knew.
If we stop trying new things, we stop growing. I was 12 years old throughout secondary school, and am struggling to catch up. If you remain twelve forever mentally, how sad that would be.
So one of the things I want to bear in mind when I teach, is to continually challenge people to move out of their comfort zones. Basically to do something which they are not initially comfortable with. It can be something small - speaking in front of the class, doing flag-raising. I'm quite keen on using project work to teach people to work independently, and to learn how to take initiative.
Ok, getting late, and I'm getting incoherent. So many other things I wanted to say... sigh. Hope I remember them later.
he was talking about the huge obstacles to local entrepreneurship, despite all the governmental schemes to encourage it. he used the example of a lemonade stand...
it is the stereotypically american thing-to-do-in-summer-when-your-kid-is-bored-and-wants-more-money to set up a little lemonade stand on the sidewalk, and staff it with a blue-eyed, blonde girl with ribbons in her hair etc etc. my dad asked, what would happen if we tried this in singapore?
AVA would get on your case, ask if you had gotten approval for selling consumables. NEA would want to ask about the hygiene standards of your preparation. SPF would inquire as to whether you have a license to run a business. that's three off the top of my head, and i've never actually tried - i'm sure there would be more trouble than that. before you sold your first drink, you would be a thousand dollars in the red.
it seems that in singapore, you have to get permission before you do anything, which is in stark contrast to the attitudes in some other countries, where if it isn't explicitly banned, it must therefore be legal?
the startup costs in singapore are so extremely high, that few people have the capital to even survive one failed business, let alone try again. so that got me thinking on this whole concept on the fear of failure...
It was Winston Churchill who said that success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm. We can relate to this in our everyday lives - did we not fall a single time when we learnt to ride a bicycle? Yet if we choose to focus on the consequences of failure, we would have never learnt. Yet we fail and we continue to fail to apply this simple lesson as we grow.
Perhaps it is because the consequences of failure only become magnified with age. Each risk is treated like a gamble, and we feel the stakes too high to get involved. But at what price?
At secondary school, we pick and choose the subjects which will probably give us the best grades. Eventually, we pick and choose the career path which will give us the best prospects. We shy away from things outside our comfort zone, because to try new things is to court failure. Better to stick to what you know well, and do well. I say this from personal experience.
It seems therefore that the sum of our life experiences occured before the age of six. Everything thereafter is a repeat of those experiences. We become like hermit crabs, hiding in our shells. Or even the proverbial frog at the bottom of the well. And we never go on to fulfill the vast potential hidden within us waiting to be released.
I believe that everyone has a great talent and gift waiting to be released. I think that if anyone knew me during JC and knew me now, they would not recognise me. How much difference a little confidence makes.
I want to thank the people who have been prodding me in various ways out of my comfort zones. To try new things, and to discover new things, and discover in the midst of all these new things, new things about myself that I never knew.
If we stop trying new things, we stop growing. I was 12 years old throughout secondary school, and am struggling to catch up. If you remain twelve forever mentally, how sad that would be.
So one of the things I want to bear in mind when I teach, is to continually challenge people to move out of their comfort zones. Basically to do something which they are not initially comfortable with. It can be something small - speaking in front of the class, doing flag-raising. I'm quite keen on using project work to teach people to work independently, and to learn how to take initiative.
Ok, getting late, and I'm getting incoherent. So many other things I wanted to say... sigh. Hope I remember them later.
weakness
i decided today that all our weaknesses exist for one reason only; to give us opportunity to love one another.
if we could see everyone around us in this way, how great that would be. still learning...
and how great it would be if we all were aware of our own weaknesses... we would be more humble, and more conscious of the grace of God and of people around us who put up with our nonsense for so long...
what brought this on was my knee again... gave me a twinge today as i was getting into my dad's van... you know the little torque that you do twisting yourself to get into a vehicle... that was enough apparently for me to turn the knee the wrong way, and twinge it. and i jumped a little, and plomped down onto the seat, and cried out, thinking what a weakling i am. don't think i'll survive the marathon.
but God made me this way, weaknesses and all. and He loves me just the same. and people around me love me too, in spite of my own hang-ups, and that's wonderful to know.
i guess another way of looking at it is that i'm unique and special, and God takes special care of me because of my specific weaknesses. =)
if we could see everyone around us in this way, how great that would be. still learning...
and how great it would be if we all were aware of our own weaknesses... we would be more humble, and more conscious of the grace of God and of people around us who put up with our nonsense for so long...
what brought this on was my knee again... gave me a twinge today as i was getting into my dad's van... you know the little torque that you do twisting yourself to get into a vehicle... that was enough apparently for me to turn the knee the wrong way, and twinge it. and i jumped a little, and plomped down onto the seat, and cried out, thinking what a weakling i am. don't think i'll survive the marathon.
but God made me this way, weaknesses and all. and He loves me just the same. and people around me love me too, in spite of my own hang-ups, and that's wonderful to know.
i guess another way of looking at it is that i'm unique and special, and God takes special care of me because of my specific weaknesses. =)
Aug 1, 2006
the average passport is approximately the size of a 4R photograph.
therefore, number 10 on the list of the most mind-numbingly smart-ass things you can do is to bring a 4R sized photo of you along to one of those thingies where they ask you to bring along a "passport-size photo".
and when they tell you "sorry sir, we require a passport-sized photograph", produce your passport for comparison, and argue your case. =)
as an aside,
my dad runs this small business supplying an eclectic assortment of made-in-china stuff, and every once-in-a-while, we get this 20-foot container in which needs to be unloaded in short order, and every available hand gets to help out. this happened just a couple of hours ago.
so as we move and stack, and the cartons slowly blur into each other, i get this sudden, overwhelming sense of deja vu. weird huh? i wonder why.... =)
elephants moved today = 2
oh yeah, and if anyone ever needs gifts for anywhere between 100 - 5000 people, ask me. =)
therefore, number 10 on the list of the most mind-numbingly smart-ass things you can do is to bring a 4R sized photo of you along to one of those thingies where they ask you to bring along a "passport-size photo".
and when they tell you "sorry sir, we require a passport-sized photograph", produce your passport for comparison, and argue your case. =)
as an aside,
my dad runs this small business supplying an eclectic assortment of made-in-china stuff, and every once-in-a-while, we get this 20-foot container in which needs to be unloaded in short order, and every available hand gets to help out. this happened just a couple of hours ago.
so as we move and stack, and the cartons slowly blur into each other, i get this sudden, overwhelming sense of deja vu. weird huh? i wonder why.... =)
elephants moved today = 2
oh yeah, and if anyone ever needs gifts for anywhere between 100 - 5000 people, ask me. =)
Jul 30, 2006
sealing cracks
on the bright side.
still walking with God. still growing. He's not saying anything about those bad points yet, i think. need to trust that He makes ALL THINGS beautiful in His time.
continuing to try and please my earthly father. seems like the right thing to do. continuing to fight and strive to do the right thing by everyone i come across. is that sufficient?
still walking with God. still growing. He's not saying anything about those bad points yet, i think. need to trust that He makes ALL THINGS beautiful in His time.
continuing to try and please my earthly father. seems like the right thing to do. continuing to fight and strive to do the right thing by everyone i come across. is that sufficient?
a cracked vessel
sleep is running from me tonight. its been happening more and more of late. more and more posts happening at 3am in the morning. why.
over the past few weeks, i have been sensing more and more that pride is a very big issue in my life, which is hindering me greatly from doing what i should be doing.
pride, arrogance is a strange thing. in areas where i think i am strong, i am willing to make mistakes, because i believe people will respect me for my strength in that area anyway. in areas where i think i am weak, i shy away, and hide my ignorance in silence and a brooding face.
the irony here being that because i refuse to ask questions where i am ignorant, i remain ignorant till the end of my days. what a counter-intuitive result.
one simple example is in the whole area of getting to know people. often, i can't bring myself to approach people whose names i have forgotten, citing the excuse that i'm too pai seh to tell them i've forgotten their name. this is pride - a fear of embarassing oneself by confessing one's ignorance. and since i'm so terrible with names, what happens is that i end up not speaking to the majority of people i "know", because i can't remember their names.
this situation gets worse the longer it drags, because it seems more and more pai seh to admit that you don't know someone's name after having "known" them for years. i don't know 3/4 of my cousins' names.
anyway, this is where everyone should scold me for being so silly.
sadder still, i am just beginning to realise what a judgemental person i am. it is a problem which has been getting worse. my world is divided into people i respect, and others, and i sometimes avoid the latter, especially when i'm tired - if i see them in the street i sometimes pretend i didn't see them and walk another way. i continue to hold people to my own standards of right and wrong, when somewhere in my head i know that we are called to love people.... but it is easier to love the repentant sinner than the bo chap poser.
and it's been getting worse. i find my brain making instant judgements more and more these days, and they tend to be negative in nature. why.
is it any wonder that i have so few friends? the people who actually like me, i guess, are the ones whom i respect and thus treat well. will someone contradict me please?
over the past few weeks, i have been sensing more and more that pride is a very big issue in my life, which is hindering me greatly from doing what i should be doing.
pride, arrogance is a strange thing. in areas where i think i am strong, i am willing to make mistakes, because i believe people will respect me for my strength in that area anyway. in areas where i think i am weak, i shy away, and hide my ignorance in silence and a brooding face.
the irony here being that because i refuse to ask questions where i am ignorant, i remain ignorant till the end of my days. what a counter-intuitive result.
one simple example is in the whole area of getting to know people. often, i can't bring myself to approach people whose names i have forgotten, citing the excuse that i'm too pai seh to tell them i've forgotten their name. this is pride - a fear of embarassing oneself by confessing one's ignorance. and since i'm so terrible with names, what happens is that i end up not speaking to the majority of people i "know", because i can't remember their names.
this situation gets worse the longer it drags, because it seems more and more pai seh to admit that you don't know someone's name after having "known" them for years. i don't know 3/4 of my cousins' names.
anyway, this is where everyone should scold me for being so silly.
sadder still, i am just beginning to realise what a judgemental person i am. it is a problem which has been getting worse. my world is divided into people i respect, and others, and i sometimes avoid the latter, especially when i'm tired - if i see them in the street i sometimes pretend i didn't see them and walk another way. i continue to hold people to my own standards of right and wrong, when somewhere in my head i know that we are called to love people.... but it is easier to love the repentant sinner than the bo chap poser.
and it's been getting worse. i find my brain making instant judgements more and more these days, and they tend to be negative in nature. why.
is it any wonder that i have so few friends? the people who actually like me, i guess, are the ones whom i respect and thus treat well. will someone contradict me please?
Jul 28, 2006
10pm at a playground...
just had a wonderful talk with my friend, who's been studying in UK. he was sharing about how when he first went to UK, his attitude was that he was going there to reach out to people, a mission trip of sorts, and God has really been blessing his work in the UK.
but something he shared that really inspired me, was how God has been slowly changing his mindset... such that it doesn't matter where in the world he is any more... the whole world is a mission field. how we need to realise this truth... no matter where in the world you are, there are always people you can reach for Jesus, or people whom you can encourage in their walk...
he also talked about the one-to-one mentoring which he had over there, how richly it was blessing his life, and how that ministry is perhaps the most important one that a church can have... to really bring about change in people's lives.... something which i was talking about a few posts back.
nice talking to you, friend.
but something he shared that really inspired me, was how God has been slowly changing his mindset... such that it doesn't matter where in the world he is any more... the whole world is a mission field. how we need to realise this truth... no matter where in the world you are, there are always people you can reach for Jesus, or people whom you can encourage in their walk...
he also talked about the one-to-one mentoring which he had over there, how richly it was blessing his life, and how that ministry is perhaps the most important one that a church can have... to really bring about change in people's lives.... something which i was talking about a few posts back.
nice talking to you, friend.
Jul 24, 2006
Jul 18, 2006
epilogue
i have concluded that i missed a great opportunity at this eye-fo. if i had been more friendly, if i had been more sociable, if i had taken the effort to move out of my comfort zone and engage with people, i would have met many more friends than i have. but i am thankful for those whom i have met. i think that i am comparing myself again to those who are better than me in this specific area, but i suppose one should always try to improve himself.
for what its worth, i guess that i'm happy with what i contributed to this event. i wasn't one of the main planners, although i helped out abit here and there. i wasn't one of the main person-in-charges on the ground, but i helped out where i could, and when no one else was available.
thats what i love to do, it seems. to help to do the simple things, the tasks away from the spotlight, where i can remain unnoticed, to find joy in completing my own work which i have set for myself, and where i don't have to relate to people as much. and it's a good thing, i suppose.
i came across a verse today, which would have helped me cope with the events of last saturday morning.
Ecc 10:4 - If a ruler's anger rises against you, do not leave your post; calmness can lay great errors to rest.
thankfully, i was not the person in charge that morning. older, cooler, wiser heads prescribed calmness, and i submitted, and the matter was resolved. it is a principle that holds true in many situations - resolutions can often be found if you choose not to lose your temper.
another interesting verse for you lot - Ecc 7:10
for what its worth, i guess that i'm happy with what i contributed to this event. i wasn't one of the main planners, although i helped out abit here and there. i wasn't one of the main person-in-charges on the ground, but i helped out where i could, and when no one else was available.
thats what i love to do, it seems. to help to do the simple things, the tasks away from the spotlight, where i can remain unnoticed, to find joy in completing my own work which i have set for myself, and where i don't have to relate to people as much. and it's a good thing, i suppose.
i came across a verse today, which would have helped me cope with the events of last saturday morning.
Ecc 10:4 - If a ruler's anger rises against you, do not leave your post; calmness can lay great errors to rest.
thankfully, i was not the person in charge that morning. older, cooler, wiser heads prescribed calmness, and i submitted, and the matter was resolved. it is a principle that holds true in many situations - resolutions can often be found if you choose not to lose your temper.
another interesting verse for you lot - Ecc 7:10
inspired
is it wrong to envy those who are more driven than i am? is it wrong to always compare myself to those whoa re better than me?
what i am about to say will sound like the height of arrogance. and perhaps it is.
i think that i have not done well with what i have been given. i think that i have many talents, most of which are simply not being used, or are being under-utilised. and as such, i am disappointed with myself.
those of you who hear me criticise myself laugh. you tell me that i have already achieved so much, why push harder? but that's not the point. if the servant who had been given five talents only managed to gain one more when the master returned, would the master have been as happy? i have always felt that i have been underachieving. that with the talents God has given me, talents which i did nothing to deserve, that i should be doing far more for His Kingdom than i am. is this a spur to encourage me, or is it a lie to discourage me? i wonder.
i have shirked over-much responsibility, using the excuse that i like my rest. but if i do not stretch myself, how will i ever know what my limit is? besides, liking sleep is a poor excuse. (see Prov 20:13, Ps127:2)
the inspiration to this post are the wonderful volunteers i worked with throughout the course of the Eye-fo. People who, due to the quirks of the delegates under their charge, and due to the heavy schedule allotted to them, got by on minimal amounts of sleep. Yet the vast majority acquitted themselves admirably, being simultaneously the gracious host, the reproving nanny, the irrepressible tour guide, the concerned friend. And maintained a civil tongue in their head, and retained enough sense to work and run about fixing things and fighting fires. whereas i was stoned and malfunctioning for days after one night without sleep.
and i guess that's why even after consecutive nights of sleep deprivation, with the accordant Freudian slips, typing errors, and assorted derailed thought trains, i am still here at one am bashing away at the keyboard. with some other stuff that i need to accomplish tonight too. i want to be able to use my days well, because that is what we are called to do. because if i may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all my toil - this is a gift from God. (Ecc 3:13)
i think that Coke Light helps me stay awake and functional quite well. will continue to test this hypothesis.
what i am about to say will sound like the height of arrogance. and perhaps it is.
i think that i have not done well with what i have been given. i think that i have many talents, most of which are simply not being used, or are being under-utilised. and as such, i am disappointed with myself.
those of you who hear me criticise myself laugh. you tell me that i have already achieved so much, why push harder? but that's not the point. if the servant who had been given five talents only managed to gain one more when the master returned, would the master have been as happy? i have always felt that i have been underachieving. that with the talents God has given me, talents which i did nothing to deserve, that i should be doing far more for His Kingdom than i am. is this a spur to encourage me, or is it a lie to discourage me? i wonder.
i have shirked over-much responsibility, using the excuse that i like my rest. but if i do not stretch myself, how will i ever know what my limit is? besides, liking sleep is a poor excuse. (see Prov 20:13, Ps127:2)
the inspiration to this post are the wonderful volunteers i worked with throughout the course of the Eye-fo. People who, due to the quirks of the delegates under their charge, and due to the heavy schedule allotted to them, got by on minimal amounts of sleep. Yet the vast majority acquitted themselves admirably, being simultaneously the gracious host, the reproving nanny, the irrepressible tour guide, the concerned friend. And maintained a civil tongue in their head, and retained enough sense to work and run about fixing things and fighting fires. whereas i was stoned and malfunctioning for days after one night without sleep.
and i guess that's why even after consecutive nights of sleep deprivation, with the accordant Freudian slips, typing errors, and assorted derailed thought trains, i am still here at one am bashing away at the keyboard. with some other stuff that i need to accomplish tonight too. i want to be able to use my days well, because that is what we are called to do. because if i may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all my toil - this is a gift from God. (Ecc 3:13)
i think that Coke Light helps me stay awake and functional quite well. will continue to test this hypothesis.
Jul 17, 2006
and so it ends...
I am one person who will replay events in my mind and fault myself for what I shouldn't have done or what I should have done better, shouldn't have said, should have said better. Or my mind starts to process what people said to me during the course of the day. Today it made me cringe at how judgmental, how hypocritical I was and how i was allowing myself to grow bitter. Sometimes its good to do such reflection if proper steps are taken after the realisation. But sometimes its just a pain cause it occasionally serves as a reminder of how insecure and sensitive one is.
agreed. so many things to say on this topic, especially after the nuttiness of the past two weeks. more on that later, i think. but i go one further - i imagine in my head conversations which have not taken place yet, filling in what i think other people might say. if you see me gesticulating randomly as i walk, that's probably what's happening.
so many things happened, and i made many decisions, and some of them turned out quite poorly. and depending on my mood i either analyse the situation and try to come up with learning points, or i berate myself for 'being prone to making the wrong decision', which is a lie.
There was once a rich man who stayed in a grand palace. On his birthday, he invited many people from other lands to celebrate with him. But some of his servants were jealous of the treatment that the guests were getting, and laid traps about the house to ensnare the unwary. This is what I think of the 37th Eye-fo (IPhO). But all credit to the rich man - his closing speech assuaged many wounds.
Jun 2, 2006
Faith?
Faith... "a general confidence in the character of God.... trusting in His atonement and saving grace instead of trusting in works of law for justification."
therefore, a person who has strong faith would have complete peace, knowing and trusting in the goodness of God to provide for His children. he would not worry about his work, nor worry about his safety, nor worry about what the future holds, nor agonize over things past. i used to be more like that than i am now.... as i grow into the responsibilities that come with adulthood. guess that's why they call it faith like a child's.
i don't understand how faith leads to works - if you told me that works extend from love, i could understand that; that in loving people we do good works. can someone have faith and no love?
the verse in question here is this. James 2:26
"As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead."
and verse 18
"Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do."
i guess its impossible to have faith without love... God is love. hmm... back to the book, i think.
the clouds yesterday looked like they got combed across the sky. you know?
the kodak moment of yesterday was this guy, holding a big chunky remote control with a big long antenna, standing forlornly underneath a tree in a big grassy field, and tossing sticks at one of the branches. poor guy.
therefore, a person who has strong faith would have complete peace, knowing and trusting in the goodness of God to provide for His children. he would not worry about his work, nor worry about his safety, nor worry about what the future holds, nor agonize over things past. i used to be more like that than i am now.... as i grow into the responsibilities that come with adulthood. guess that's why they call it faith like a child's.
i don't understand how faith leads to works - if you told me that works extend from love, i could understand that; that in loving people we do good works. can someone have faith and no love?
the verse in question here is this. James 2:26
"As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead."
and verse 18
"Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do."
i guess its impossible to have faith without love... God is love. hmm... back to the book, i think.
the clouds yesterday looked like they got combed across the sky. you know?
the kodak moment of yesterday was this guy, holding a big chunky remote control with a big long antenna, standing forlornly underneath a tree in a big grassy field, and tossing sticks at one of the branches. poor guy.
May 28, 2006
the problem is that we're not changing lives. why should we expect people to stay if their lives are not being changed? is it any wonder that people are slowly drifting away...
my dad says, learn to love someone not for what they are, but for who they are. their social status, capabilities, likes and dislikes change, but their character remains the same. the key is in properly distinguishing the two, i suppose.
you love the Lord more than anything on this earth. that much is clear. you are gentle-hearted, and compassionate. you want too much to be doing things for God, but you know that already. i can live with that.
we cannot claim to be Christians unless we believe every word that Jesus said, be it good or bad. it is very easy to claim all the blessings, but neglect the hard sayings of Christ, which are many. (John 6:60) We are ever ready to quote "All things are possible with God." (Mark 10:27), but are we as ready to say "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off."? (Mark 9:43) No doubt our hands or feet or eyes have caused us to sin, but have we ever entertained the thoughts of disfiguring ourselves?
Who is like the Lord? There is no one
Who is like the Lord? He is strong and mighty
Who is like the Lord? He is worthy
Stand up, and give Him the praise.
my dad says, learn to love someone not for what they are, but for who they are. their social status, capabilities, likes and dislikes change, but their character remains the same. the key is in properly distinguishing the two, i suppose.
you love the Lord more than anything on this earth. that much is clear. you are gentle-hearted, and compassionate. you want too much to be doing things for God, but you know that already. i can live with that.
we cannot claim to be Christians unless we believe every word that Jesus said, be it good or bad. it is very easy to claim all the blessings, but neglect the hard sayings of Christ, which are many. (John 6:60) We are ever ready to quote "All things are possible with God." (Mark 10:27), but are we as ready to say "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off."? (Mark 9:43) No doubt our hands or feet or eyes have caused us to sin, but have we ever entertained the thoughts of disfiguring ourselves?
Who is like the Lord? There is no one
Who is like the Lord? He is strong and mighty
Who is like the Lord? He is worthy
Stand up, and give Him the praise.
May 26, 2006
the bus recce
on hindsight, perhaps i should have just kept my mouth shut. what did it matter that their narrow-mindedness and rigidity threatened to turn the entire day into an exercise in futility? what did it matter that all our plans were like confetti to them, that they gave us lip service and no real respect?
now i fear i have forever sabotaged the working relationships between us. my incredulity at their incompetence was poorly disguised, and they, having a combined age four times mine, took it poorly. i should have expected no less.
i think that what i need is for someone to tell me that i did nothing wrong. but i don't think that's true, and i don't think that will be forthcoming.
sigh.
now i fear i have forever sabotaged the working relationships between us. my incredulity at their incompetence was poorly disguised, and they, having a combined age four times mine, took it poorly. i should have expected no less.
i think that what i need is for someone to tell me that i did nothing wrong. but i don't think that's true, and i don't think that will be forthcoming.
sigh.
May 21, 2006
Happy 3rd Anniversary to me
someone manifested during service today, as far as i can tell. sudden outburst of total gibberish. deliberately did not look, because looking is what a singaporean would do. watch, and possibly take bets. i chose to pray, so i didn't see what was going on, but it died down after about 30 seconds?
things like this remind me that the world we see is not all there is to life on this earth. that things move in the spirit realms, unseen by us. but their effects can be seen, like what happened today. strengthened my faith.
someone testified today. i'll call her Jane. (i dislike using people's real names, in general. it's just unnecessary). she discovered she had a tumour in her femur sometime last year. being an avid trekker, she was devastated. faced with the prospect of losing a leg, never walking again, living life bound to a wheelchair, or even death. that very week she came to church.
during the altar call, the pastor asked those who felt that they had a heavy burden on them to come forward to pray. as she knelt there, someone came to pray with her, and asked her what her burden was. she shared her story, and then the other lady showed Jane the scar on her own leg, and told her that God would take care of her.
coincidence?
today's sermon was about Rahab, and i didn't like it. the pastor presented it from the perspective that Rahab, having heard of the mighty things which God had done for Israel, chose to believe in God, and lend assistance to the Israelites, the people of God.
but it seems to make more sense to me that, having heard of the mighty things which God had done for the Israelites, Rahab chose to sell out her own city in order to gain favour with the invaders, and to gain her life.
what does this tell me about God? perhaps in the initial, her motives were not the best. but the Bible goes on to record that she married into the Israelites, (breaking yet another Mosaic Law, by the way), and lived amongst them, and was actually the great-grandmother of David. so i guess that she learnt the way of the Israelites, and truly followed God.
God wants everyone to be saved. no matter what your circumstances are when you first came to the Lord, He is gracious to accept you, as long as you believe.
i guess this harks back to the other things which the pastor said. her life being spared was conditional upon her leaving that scarlet cord in her window, and that in itself was an act of faith. her own countrymen might have noticed, and asked her about it, or asked her to remove it. but she left it there, believing that the Israelites would be triumphant, and that the red cord would spare her life.
it is by faith that we are saved. i find this a recurrent theme in my life these past few days. hmm....
incidently, today's my third anniversary. Jill is busy, and there is absolutely no celebration. or rather, it's been postponed. but it was supposed to be today, so this will commemorate it.
things like this remind me that the world we see is not all there is to life on this earth. that things move in the spirit realms, unseen by us. but their effects can be seen, like what happened today. strengthened my faith.
someone testified today. i'll call her Jane. (i dislike using people's real names, in general. it's just unnecessary). she discovered she had a tumour in her femur sometime last year. being an avid trekker, she was devastated. faced with the prospect of losing a leg, never walking again, living life bound to a wheelchair, or even death. that very week she came to church.
during the altar call, the pastor asked those who felt that they had a heavy burden on them to come forward to pray. as she knelt there, someone came to pray with her, and asked her what her burden was. she shared her story, and then the other lady showed Jane the scar on her own leg, and told her that God would take care of her.
coincidence?
today's sermon was about Rahab, and i didn't like it. the pastor presented it from the perspective that Rahab, having heard of the mighty things which God had done for Israel, chose to believe in God, and lend assistance to the Israelites, the people of God.
but it seems to make more sense to me that, having heard of the mighty things which God had done for the Israelites, Rahab chose to sell out her own city in order to gain favour with the invaders, and to gain her life.
what does this tell me about God? perhaps in the initial, her motives were not the best. but the Bible goes on to record that she married into the Israelites, (breaking yet another Mosaic Law, by the way), and lived amongst them, and was actually the great-grandmother of David. so i guess that she learnt the way of the Israelites, and truly followed God.
God wants everyone to be saved. no matter what your circumstances are when you first came to the Lord, He is gracious to accept you, as long as you believe.
i guess this harks back to the other things which the pastor said. her life being spared was conditional upon her leaving that scarlet cord in her window, and that in itself was an act of faith. her own countrymen might have noticed, and asked her about it, or asked her to remove it. but she left it there, believing that the Israelites would be triumphant, and that the red cord would spare her life.
it is by faith that we are saved. i find this a recurrent theme in my life these past few days. hmm....
incidently, today's my third anniversary. Jill is busy, and there is absolutely no celebration. or rather, it's been postponed. but it was supposed to be today, so this will commemorate it.
May 20, 2006
Passion AC, Dayang, and other things.
I can't remember the speaker's name. which is a shame, because if i ever share his testimony, i would like to be able to attribute it to him.
he spoke on a very interesting topic. he shared about his weakness, and how God's glory is shown most vividly where you are weakest. or rather, can be shown most vividly, if you have given that weakness over to God.
i truly believe that i have many weaknesses. someone has reprimanded me for that, and ill probably do so again, but i am just trying to identify my feelings, my emotions, and then perhaps i can begin to understand myself.
now that i think about it more, maybe not MANY weaknesses. i have some, but they pop up alot.
i fear judgement from people, being not confident enough in myself, in spite of all that people have said to me. i mean, of course they'll say good things to my face, right? i never hear the criticism, but i assume it's out there. a fair assumption?
but i made a big step in overcoming this problem just this past week, i think. though i have professed a desire to enter the teaching vocation for the past four years, this past week i have been actually teaching (relief), and it didn't seem like it was going to be a good experience at first. those who know me know that i clam up around people i don't know well... only amongst friends of many years do i actually speak up. this past week, i have been asked to meet about 70 young people for the first time, to gain their attention and respect, and to perform a task which i have never officially been trained for, in a subject area which i have not touched for 2-and-a-half years. i was thoroughly intimidated.
it happened a month ago too, when i was teaching J1s. mild panic attacks throughout every day, wanting to go hide in a corner somewhere and skip classes. teacher skipping classes, would be a first, perhaps. but it wasn't too bad - it was an easy topic. i had worked through the questions thoroughly; knew my stuff.
monday was pretty bad. couldn't concentrate on anything. went to school early so i would have time to work through the questions, and really break down each question into the most basic steps so i could explain it thoroughly. i ended up staring at the tutorials, flipping through the notes, not really writing anything down. i worried that i wouldn't be able to answer their questions. that i would explain things wrongly, and make a fool of myself (this sentence is very telling, i think).
i prayed, and in my little cubicle in the staff room, i whispered out my prayer, and told the spirit of fear to leave me, because i am a child of God, and such things have no hold on me. and it left.
as far as the situation was, nothing changed. but the fear left me, and i felt more relaxed. it came back at intervals, but i resisted. now that i think about it, i don't think its went away completely, but it decreased drastically. enough for me to go for lessons.
and now that i think about it, all my worst fears came true. i got concepts wrong. i got formulas wrong. sometimes my students had to give me the right answers. and somehow i am unaffected by it all.
i don't think its gone away completely, and i think i should observe this on monday, and see if there's any more room for improvement. i still get restless before lessons, although this is also improving. but i thank God for giving me this peace, which is really quite beyond understanding, to show me that he is faithful.
i think the speaker (i think his name is William) really got my attention with his introduction. he talked about defining moments in our faith, how he used to want those defining moments, such as miracles or visions or such, which we can fall back on in times of doubt. it really struck a chord with me, because i want those too. my faith is weak, terribly weak, i feel. there are days, the most recent being wednesday, when i begin to doubt this entire construct that is the Christian faith, because my rational mind (or is it the devil?) shows me how what we believe is conveniently structured to handle any counter-argument. (the good stuff glorifies God, the bad stuff can also glorify God in how we respond to it, so what can disprove God?)
on wednesday, i recalled that faith is the believing of things which are not seen, and that it is by faith that we have salvation. when the arguments no longer hold, and logic has no solution, then we use our shield, which is called faith*. and now that i think about it, perhaps it is no coincidence that at camp last week, the message was on the armour of God.
it should probably be noted here that the speaker had his defining moment from God. it happened to leave him paralysed permanently from the waist down, which he still is. and yet he can praise God for it.
the camp was also good. it was enjoyable, even though i knew no one at the beginning. it was a wonderful time of rest, and of rekindling my love for God (which is still small). many wonderful new experiences, snorkeling, bouldering, some serious rock climbing (very big rocks, rather high up). blue skies, white sandy beaches with super-fine sand, clear water with plenty of colourful fishies. went fishing too, caught four fish. yay.
the NUS Navigators are a group of people who sincerely love God. this is their foremost feature, all other things come second, which is as it should be. i would want to join them if only to become more like them, on my way to becoming like Christ. even as they serve in all the different ways, and do all the things which good christians do, i can see that they love God. truly inspiring.
its been a long time since i've truly felt the presence of God near to me. but i thank God that at least i can see Him in the things and people around me, whose very lives testify to the glory of God. (lifeng, cheryl)
i'm so sure i had more to write, but i've been writing for over an hour, and its midnight, and i had a long day. but at the end of this extremely long post (what's new?), i have one thing to say. God is good.
One thing God has spoken,
two things I have heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Ps 62:11-12a
*if faith is our shield, which i use when it seems that nothing else is left, then what is righteousness to me? the breastplate is even more fundamental to our protection than the shield, and so righteousness is more important than faith? (sounds blasphemous) in those times when your faith is weak, as long as you protect your righteousness by continuing to live right, you will be able to stand. or so i interpret it.
he spoke on a very interesting topic. he shared about his weakness, and how God's glory is shown most vividly where you are weakest. or rather, can be shown most vividly, if you have given that weakness over to God.
i truly believe that i have many weaknesses. someone has reprimanded me for that, and ill probably do so again, but i am just trying to identify my feelings, my emotions, and then perhaps i can begin to understand myself.
now that i think about it more, maybe not MANY weaknesses. i have some, but they pop up alot.
i fear judgement from people, being not confident enough in myself, in spite of all that people have said to me. i mean, of course they'll say good things to my face, right? i never hear the criticism, but i assume it's out there. a fair assumption?
but i made a big step in overcoming this problem just this past week, i think. though i have professed a desire to enter the teaching vocation for the past four years, this past week i have been actually teaching (relief), and it didn't seem like it was going to be a good experience at first. those who know me know that i clam up around people i don't know well... only amongst friends of many years do i actually speak up. this past week, i have been asked to meet about 70 young people for the first time, to gain their attention and respect, and to perform a task which i have never officially been trained for, in a subject area which i have not touched for 2-and-a-half years. i was thoroughly intimidated.
it happened a month ago too, when i was teaching J1s. mild panic attacks throughout every day, wanting to go hide in a corner somewhere and skip classes. teacher skipping classes, would be a first, perhaps. but it wasn't too bad - it was an easy topic. i had worked through the questions thoroughly; knew my stuff.
monday was pretty bad. couldn't concentrate on anything. went to school early so i would have time to work through the questions, and really break down each question into the most basic steps so i could explain it thoroughly. i ended up staring at the tutorials, flipping through the notes, not really writing anything down. i worried that i wouldn't be able to answer their questions. that i would explain things wrongly, and make a fool of myself (this sentence is very telling, i think).
i prayed, and in my little cubicle in the staff room, i whispered out my prayer, and told the spirit of fear to leave me, because i am a child of God, and such things have no hold on me. and it left.
as far as the situation was, nothing changed. but the fear left me, and i felt more relaxed. it came back at intervals, but i resisted. now that i think about it, i don't think its went away completely, but it decreased drastically. enough for me to go for lessons.
and now that i think about it, all my worst fears came true. i got concepts wrong. i got formulas wrong. sometimes my students had to give me the right answers. and somehow i am unaffected by it all.
i don't think its gone away completely, and i think i should observe this on monday, and see if there's any more room for improvement. i still get restless before lessons, although this is also improving. but i thank God for giving me this peace, which is really quite beyond understanding, to show me that he is faithful.
i think the speaker (i think his name is William) really got my attention with his introduction. he talked about defining moments in our faith, how he used to want those defining moments, such as miracles or visions or such, which we can fall back on in times of doubt. it really struck a chord with me, because i want those too. my faith is weak, terribly weak, i feel. there are days, the most recent being wednesday, when i begin to doubt this entire construct that is the Christian faith, because my rational mind (or is it the devil?) shows me how what we believe is conveniently structured to handle any counter-argument. (the good stuff glorifies God, the bad stuff can also glorify God in how we respond to it, so what can disprove God?)
on wednesday, i recalled that faith is the believing of things which are not seen, and that it is by faith that we have salvation. when the arguments no longer hold, and logic has no solution, then we use our shield, which is called faith*. and now that i think about it, perhaps it is no coincidence that at camp last week, the message was on the armour of God.
it should probably be noted here that the speaker had his defining moment from God. it happened to leave him paralysed permanently from the waist down, which he still is. and yet he can praise God for it.
the camp was also good. it was enjoyable, even though i knew no one at the beginning. it was a wonderful time of rest, and of rekindling my love for God (which is still small). many wonderful new experiences, snorkeling, bouldering, some serious rock climbing (very big rocks, rather high up). blue skies, white sandy beaches with super-fine sand, clear water with plenty of colourful fishies. went fishing too, caught four fish. yay.
the NUS Navigators are a group of people who sincerely love God. this is their foremost feature, all other things come second, which is as it should be. i would want to join them if only to become more like them, on my way to becoming like Christ. even as they serve in all the different ways, and do all the things which good christians do, i can see that they love God. truly inspiring.
its been a long time since i've truly felt the presence of God near to me. but i thank God that at least i can see Him in the things and people around me, whose very lives testify to the glory of God. (lifeng, cheryl)
i'm so sure i had more to write, but i've been writing for over an hour, and its midnight, and i had a long day. but at the end of this extremely long post (what's new?), i have one thing to say. God is good.
One thing God has spoken,
two things I have heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Ps 62:11-12a
*if faith is our shield, which i use when it seems that nothing else is left, then what is righteousness to me? the breastplate is even more fundamental to our protection than the shield, and so righteousness is more important than faith? (sounds blasphemous) in those times when your faith is weak, as long as you protect your righteousness by continuing to live right, you will be able to stand. or so i interpret it.
May 6, 2006
polling day
i think now that i would have liked to have been able to vote.
not for any patriotic reason of shaping the direction that our nation is taking. not for any sort of belief that my vote matters and will determine the makeup of our government for the next 5 years. my logical mind says that the significance of one vote amongst 3 million others has an effective significance of nil. (is this being cynical?)
it's just that... it looks like fun.
watching from my window as people are admitted into the polling station downstairs. a police officer checks their identity at the gate before directing them in. i watch as they walk up the empty driveway, and make their way into the silent, forbidding building.
it's the whole 'forbidden fruit' thing... i look at them passing through the gates, and get the feeling that they are getting involved in something important and secret and significant, which is exactly what it is, i suppose. i want to do that too.
i suspect the feeling will disappear once i have actually tried it once.
part of it is also the curiosity. of seeing democracy in action, seeing how the polling is actually conducted, attempting to spot security breaches. =).
unfortunately, i have been undermined being born approximately 10 months and 6 days too late. and any smart person would have immediately realised that they can derive my exact date of birth from there.
something else which i have realised about my writing style is that i am absolutely incapable of adding meaningful titles to my posts. well, not absolutely. but seeing as i tend to jumble up all manner of miscellaneous things into the length of a single post, then one title isn't ever going to be sufficient now, is it?
miscellaneous things such as the following.
i believe that throughout the 20-plus years of my life thus far, the only compliment i have ever heard from any female member of the human race, and been deemed worthy of possessing, is 'cute'. and seeing as one of these female-members-of-the-human-race (FMOTHR for short, ok?) (*looks quite offensive, actually*) was sufficiently kind enough to clarify 'cute' to mean 'ugly, but adorable', i'm not sure it's much of a compliment.
that is something which i have been strenuously attempting to explain to certain to certain FMOTHRs, that 'cute' is hardly the kind of reaction that guys attempt to extract from girls.
so perhaps some of them have said 'smart', and 'genius' and other such comments on my intellectual capacity. i view these not so much as compliments, but observations. =). and the only other positive thing i have ever heard from them is 'cute'.
even from FMOTHRs younger than me. what an indignity.
not for any patriotic reason of shaping the direction that our nation is taking. not for any sort of belief that my vote matters and will determine the makeup of our government for the next 5 years. my logical mind says that the significance of one vote amongst 3 million others has an effective significance of nil. (is this being cynical?)
it's just that... it looks like fun.
watching from my window as people are admitted into the polling station downstairs. a police officer checks their identity at the gate before directing them in. i watch as they walk up the empty driveway, and make their way into the silent, forbidding building.
it's the whole 'forbidden fruit' thing... i look at them passing through the gates, and get the feeling that they are getting involved in something important and secret and significant, which is exactly what it is, i suppose. i want to do that too.
i suspect the feeling will disappear once i have actually tried it once.
part of it is also the curiosity. of seeing democracy in action, seeing how the polling is actually conducted, attempting to spot security breaches. =).
unfortunately, i have been undermined being born approximately 10 months and 6 days too late. and any smart person would have immediately realised that they can derive my exact date of birth from there.
something else which i have realised about my writing style is that i am absolutely incapable of adding meaningful titles to my posts. well, not absolutely. but seeing as i tend to jumble up all manner of miscellaneous things into the length of a single post, then one title isn't ever going to be sufficient now, is it?
miscellaneous things such as the following.
i believe that throughout the 20-plus years of my life thus far, the only compliment i have ever heard from any female member of the human race, and been deemed worthy of possessing, is 'cute'. and seeing as one of these female-members-of-the-human-race (FMOTHR for short, ok?) (*looks quite offensive, actually*) was sufficiently kind enough to clarify 'cute' to mean 'ugly, but adorable', i'm not sure it's much of a compliment.
that is something which i have been strenuously attempting to explain to certain to certain FMOTHRs, that 'cute' is hardly the kind of reaction that guys attempt to extract from girls.
so perhaps some of them have said 'smart', and 'genius' and other such comments on my intellectual capacity. i view these not so much as compliments, but observations. =). and the only other positive thing i have ever heard from them is 'cute'.
even from FMOTHRs younger than me. what an indignity.
May 4, 2006
an interesting little bit of trivia:
i have found, after much observation, that i invariably become quite fond of any girl who compliments my singing. =).
and in truth, i wonder if it indicates pride. it's one of those things which "the world has rewarded you for"... i recall wondering if i would still sing as loudly during service if i had no sense of pitch or rhythm, and praying that i would praise Him with so much more than my lips.
"desires worshippers who worship in Spirit and in truth." what does this mean?
recently, more than before, i have fallen into the trap of merely singing for singing's sake. it's so easy to sing, if you love to sing. it's easy to get distracted by the technicalities, in trying to figure out the harmonies, in enjoying the music and appreciating the beauty of it all...
i wandered much in the CBD area today, from Specialist's Centre to Centrepoint to Capitol Centre to hitherto-unexplored areas in the Shenton Way area with interesting road names such as Shenton Way(!), Parsi Road, Prince Edwards something-or-other, and even some roads with mysterious names such as Mistri Road. woo. our CBD is a real haven, with abundant greenery even amongst the skyscrapers, a beautiful counterpoint. Wide paved walkways, neatly trimmed plants, and just next door, a small hill covered in dense foliage, wild enough to conceal breeding mosquitoes (i killed one).
i was wandering in search of the soundtrack of the movie "Rent". listening to the soundtrack now, actually. just put it on pause to concentrate here...
i would heartily recommend the movie to anyone mature enough to watch it. it isn't a movie that seeks to entertain, although the music is beyond excellent, and the cinematography similarly good. its M18 rating is thoroughly deserved, most notably for a certain dance sequence where guys would do well to avert their eyes, and certain lesbian/gay scenes which may traumatise the faint of heart. but beyond all these details on the surface is a stirring social commentary on life, focusing on the plight of drug addicts, HIV patients, and all those things which we instinctively shun, and perhaps even despise.
and the focus, the central theme of the entire production, really, is love. the love, so richly depicted in the show, not cheapened through sex as in most hollywood productions nowadays, but shown through acceptance and through trials and in death.
and it reminded me of something which i am ashamed to have forgotten in my shallow, sheltered world, that these people are human, with hopes and dreams and loves as anyone in this world, and with less chance than most of fulfilling them. they struggle with demons which are greater than ours.
in searching the internet for some lyrics, i noticed one site. "How 'Rent' changed my life", or something to that effect. i didn't bother reading it, but i knew what he was talking about.
i learnt something about people, and about God from that movie. one song, specifically, with the associated screenplay. following the downfall of Mimi, her clandestine meetings in back alleys with drug dealers. about how her boyfriend caught her red-handed, pulling, dragging her away. about the terrible hours in the night, fighting withdrawal symptoms, cold sweats, shivering, vomiting, falling back into her old ways... and eventually triumphant, through much love and support.
all have sinned, and have fallen short of the glory of God. we are like drug addicts, addicted to sin and its benefits. we struggle to tear ourselves away, but often the temptations are too great, and we go back, in clandestine meetings in back-alleys, in darkness. and we keep falling, and falling again, only to be brought back by God's love. in all our sin, we are as repulsive to God as the filthiest person on earth (use your imagination), the recalcitrant sinner, who repeatedly rejects His love. how often can we take rejection before we give it up? but God is love.
i finally understand, or at least better appreciate the bits in the Bible which refer to Israel as a prostitute. we profess God, yet wander off regularly to do as we will, whatever seems appropriate and fun and of immediate benefit to us, and then come back on Sunday seemingly all prim and proper.
Without you,
the ground thaws,
the rain falls,
the grass grows.
Without you,
the seeds root,
the flowers bloom,
The children play.
The stars gleam,
the poets dream,
the eagles fly,
without you.
The earth turns,
the sun burns,
but I die,
without you.
i have found, after much observation, that i invariably become quite fond of any girl who compliments my singing. =).
and in truth, i wonder if it indicates pride. it's one of those things which "the world has rewarded you for"... i recall wondering if i would still sing as loudly during service if i had no sense of pitch or rhythm, and praying that i would praise Him with so much more than my lips.
"desires worshippers who worship in Spirit and in truth." what does this mean?
recently, more than before, i have fallen into the trap of merely singing for singing's sake. it's so easy to sing, if you love to sing. it's easy to get distracted by the technicalities, in trying to figure out the harmonies, in enjoying the music and appreciating the beauty of it all...
i wandered much in the CBD area today, from Specialist's Centre to Centrepoint to Capitol Centre to hitherto-unexplored areas in the Shenton Way area with interesting road names such as Shenton Way(!), Parsi Road, Prince Edwards something-or-other, and even some roads with mysterious names such as Mistri Road. woo. our CBD is a real haven, with abundant greenery even amongst the skyscrapers, a beautiful counterpoint. Wide paved walkways, neatly trimmed plants, and just next door, a small hill covered in dense foliage, wild enough to conceal breeding mosquitoes (i killed one).
i was wandering in search of the soundtrack of the movie "Rent". listening to the soundtrack now, actually. just put it on pause to concentrate here...
i would heartily recommend the movie to anyone mature enough to watch it. it isn't a movie that seeks to entertain, although the music is beyond excellent, and the cinematography similarly good. its M18 rating is thoroughly deserved, most notably for a certain dance sequence where guys would do well to avert their eyes, and certain lesbian/gay scenes which may traumatise the faint of heart. but beyond all these details on the surface is a stirring social commentary on life, focusing on the plight of drug addicts, HIV patients, and all those things which we instinctively shun, and perhaps even despise.
and the focus, the central theme of the entire production, really, is love. the love, so richly depicted in the show, not cheapened through sex as in most hollywood productions nowadays, but shown through acceptance and through trials and in death.
and it reminded me of something which i am ashamed to have forgotten in my shallow, sheltered world, that these people are human, with hopes and dreams and loves as anyone in this world, and with less chance than most of fulfilling them. they struggle with demons which are greater than ours.
in searching the internet for some lyrics, i noticed one site. "How 'Rent' changed my life", or something to that effect. i didn't bother reading it, but i knew what he was talking about.
i learnt something about people, and about God from that movie. one song, specifically, with the associated screenplay. following the downfall of Mimi, her clandestine meetings in back alleys with drug dealers. about how her boyfriend caught her red-handed, pulling, dragging her away. about the terrible hours in the night, fighting withdrawal symptoms, cold sweats, shivering, vomiting, falling back into her old ways... and eventually triumphant, through much love and support.
all have sinned, and have fallen short of the glory of God. we are like drug addicts, addicted to sin and its benefits. we struggle to tear ourselves away, but often the temptations are too great, and we go back, in clandestine meetings in back-alleys, in darkness. and we keep falling, and falling again, only to be brought back by God's love. in all our sin, we are as repulsive to God as the filthiest person on earth (use your imagination), the recalcitrant sinner, who repeatedly rejects His love. how often can we take rejection before we give it up? but God is love.
i finally understand, or at least better appreciate the bits in the Bible which refer to Israel as a prostitute. we profess God, yet wander off regularly to do as we will, whatever seems appropriate and fun and of immediate benefit to us, and then come back on Sunday seemingly all prim and proper.
Without you,
the ground thaws,
the rain falls,
the grass grows.
Without you,
the seeds root,
the flowers bloom,
The children play.
The stars gleam,
the poets dream,
the eagles fly,
without you.
The earth turns,
the sun burns,
but I die,
without you.
May 2, 2006
too. long.
it has been too long.
so many things happening, no time to write it all down. i really want a laptop, because i think to myself that by always having the writing medium near me, i will write more.
yeah right.
i've said it before, and i'll say it again. if you really want to do something, you will knuckle down and do it. you will make time for it, most likely excavate spare minutes and hours from your already-insufficient sleep-time, but you will, and i have not.
home is hardly conducive to writing, thinking. the TV is always on, and whenever i am at home, i just want to crawl into bed and sleep. or play computer. i get the most work done when i wake up in the morning, about 9am thereabouts, and find that there's absolutely no one at home, and that the place is somehow neat. then i can get down and do productive things, and start the whole day off on a good note.
and yet i AM doing productive things. somehow. all the endless meetings and typing things for eye-fo, studying my physics so that i can teach well, starting the whole tuition thing again. but those are things that mainly take place outside the house... inside the house, nothing works too well.
the book i was reading recently asked me to imagine what my life would be like if all my dreams came true. can't remember the purpose of that particular exercise, but i do know what my ideal future looks like, somewhat. happily married, a bunch of good kids who grow up as self-confident, loving, young people. i don't necessarily want to be doing great things in church, i don't really see myself being too concerned about my job. what more can one ask, really, but to be surrounded by people you love, and who love you back. it is a comfort zone, and discerning people will know that i really love my comfort zones.
i've been told that i'm a simple person. i agree. why do you think i like physics?
i'm a conservative person who gives absolutely no respect to traditions. how does that add up?
on the plus side, the bunch of people i'm working with for the eye-fo are perhaps the most over-achieving bunch of people i've ever met. President's Scholar, MFA Scholar, NTU Scholar and a bunch of others whose affiliations i'm not sure of. and every single one of them councillors when they were in school i think. its really interesting listening to them talk and discuss things.
so many things happening, no time to write it all down. i really want a laptop, because i think to myself that by always having the writing medium near me, i will write more.
yeah right.
i've said it before, and i'll say it again. if you really want to do something, you will knuckle down and do it. you will make time for it, most likely excavate spare minutes and hours from your already-insufficient sleep-time, but you will, and i have not.
home is hardly conducive to writing, thinking. the TV is always on, and whenever i am at home, i just want to crawl into bed and sleep. or play computer. i get the most work done when i wake up in the morning, about 9am thereabouts, and find that there's absolutely no one at home, and that the place is somehow neat. then i can get down and do productive things, and start the whole day off on a good note.
and yet i AM doing productive things. somehow. all the endless meetings and typing things for eye-fo, studying my physics so that i can teach well, starting the whole tuition thing again. but those are things that mainly take place outside the house... inside the house, nothing works too well.
the book i was reading recently asked me to imagine what my life would be like if all my dreams came true. can't remember the purpose of that particular exercise, but i do know what my ideal future looks like, somewhat. happily married, a bunch of good kids who grow up as self-confident, loving, young people. i don't necessarily want to be doing great things in church, i don't really see myself being too concerned about my job. what more can one ask, really, but to be surrounded by people you love, and who love you back. it is a comfort zone, and discerning people will know that i really love my comfort zones.
i've been told that i'm a simple person. i agree. why do you think i like physics?
i'm a conservative person who gives absolutely no respect to traditions. how does that add up?
on the plus side, the bunch of people i'm working with for the eye-fo are perhaps the most over-achieving bunch of people i've ever met. President's Scholar, MFA Scholar, NTU Scholar and a bunch of others whose affiliations i'm not sure of. and every single one of them councillors when they were in school i think. its really interesting listening to them talk and discuss things.
Apr 10, 2006
mish-hodge-mash-podge
ironic that i'm actually posting less now that i'm very free. managed to land myself in a very large pile of work, organising a major international event that's happening in July. hmm...
have decided that i quite like the book of Hebrews. It was written for the sake of the Jews, possibly the most legalistic people in the world at the time, and thus it rather appeals to my nature. every argument worked out in pain-staking detail. wooty.
i have decided that sermons without a prayer response time are useless. it becomes mere spoon-feeding, a distribution of information. real heart-change comes by the Spirit, not by you resolving in your heart to live your life better. Prayer changes things.
and i think that this applies to quiet time too. what are You trying to say, specifically, to me and my situation through this Word?
have decided that i quite like the book of Hebrews. It was written for the sake of the Jews, possibly the most legalistic people in the world at the time, and thus it rather appeals to my nature. every argument worked out in pain-staking detail. wooty.
i have decided that sermons without a prayer response time are useless. it becomes mere spoon-feeding, a distribution of information. real heart-change comes by the Spirit, not by you resolving in your heart to live your life better. Prayer changes things.
and i think that this applies to quiet time too. what are You trying to say, specifically, to me and my situation through this Word?
Mar 25, 2006
freedom is also good for the soul
more nonsense in the title. yay. actually its not really nonsense... its just not well-thought-through.
if someone offends you, and you forgive the person, the relationship is not yet mended. this is something i have come to realise.
you can make a conscious decision to forgive the person, and not to hold the thing against him/her, but still feel very awkward talking to the person. it has happened to me, and i wondered why.
then i realised that the person never apologised to me... without a frank admission of the problem at hand, there can be no resolution, and no mending.
its abit like how God has forgiven us all our sins - the forgiveness is freely given. but we can have no relationship with God until we confess the sins before Him and make ourself right with Him again.
similarly, there are times that although i have forgiven the person, i still feel very uncomfortable associating with that person... and sometimes i wonder if i have truly forgiven the person in my heart, and i begin to doubt myself again... but the truth is that the relationship is strained because the other person has not made peace with me... and the tension can be felt on both sides.
a gem of truth (i think), that jumped me today while i was showering.
if someone offends you, and you forgive the person, the relationship is not yet mended. this is something i have come to realise.
you can make a conscious decision to forgive the person, and not to hold the thing against him/her, but still feel very awkward talking to the person. it has happened to me, and i wondered why.
then i realised that the person never apologised to me... without a frank admission of the problem at hand, there can be no resolution, and no mending.
its abit like how God has forgiven us all our sins - the forgiveness is freely given. but we can have no relationship with God until we confess the sins before Him and make ourself right with Him again.
similarly, there are times that although i have forgiven the person, i still feel very uncomfortable associating with that person... and sometimes i wonder if i have truly forgiven the person in my heart, and i begin to doubt myself again... but the truth is that the relationship is strained because the other person has not made peace with me... and the tension can be felt on both sides.
a gem of truth (i think), that jumped me today while i was showering.
Mar 24, 2006
freedom is good for the complexion
and before people start asking me funny questions - the title is nonsense. just for fun, yah? =)
such a strange contradiction; in all of my freedom, i am posting less? well, it's hard to justify, seeing as my posting is so wonderfully inconsistent. if you can find a pattern in the frequency, congratulations and don't tell me about it.
the question on everybody's lips now is, so what are you going to do with your free time? it comes in several guises, starting from the open-ended "So you've got a lot of free time now lah" to the somewhat more direct "So are you looking for a job?"
and everywhere i turn i sense a small amount of disapproval that the answer to the latter question is no. maybe i'm paranoid, i dunno. there's a pretty good chance that i'm imagining the disapproval coming from others, because within my own head, the accusing voice still lurks, telling me to "please go and do something with your life instead of wasting it away." it's a persistent voice.
and i guess i don't really know how true it is... but the important thing is that with what i'm doing now, i have peace within myself, and i'm usually happy. sometimes i believe the voice, and then it depresses me.
someone expressed the opinion that she'd go nuts from boredom if she had this kind of free time - i'm quite glad i'm not her, then. only one person (thanks melvin, but i don't think you read this) said that taking a break was a good idea... before school starts and i throw myself back into the grind for the rest of my life, yeah?
today, i totally rearranged my room, and cleaned up a whole bunch of things. the only thing which remained stationary was my heavily-overladen bookshelf, which i dare not move for fear of it falling on my head.
and my bed has shifted itself to the middle of the room. its a weird configuration, especially considering that my room is only three times the width of my bed, and one-and-a-half times the length. its like, the bed is in the middle, and everything else revolves around it. (seems to reflect the life i'm living now pretty well ;-).) so there's a narrow corridor on both sides, one of which is completely blocked by the desk which i shoved in there. and it gets weirder.
the desk, being in such a narrow location, has no room for an accompanying chair. inspired by my sis kat, i pushed the bed right up to the desk, so the bed functions as the seat. space saving.
and there's a little island of floor in the corner of the room, walled off by my desk and the bed, inaccessible by normal walking, which is there because of the power socket in that corner, which i cannot block off with the desk. there's a rolling shelf residing in that corner now.
the concept behind this room layout is basically this: i don't want to leave corners for dust bunnies to breed. i mean, seriously - in my room, dust bunnies breed like rabbits... i exterminated so many today that the hand-held vacuum seems to be clogged, and the SPCA will be after me soon.
and i have achieved mild success in figuring out where things should go... in assigning specific locations for specific types of items, so that more things have a proper place now. the problem that perenially plagues me is that i don't know where things should go... so they end up clogging up any available space. insufficient shelf space is blamed for this. but since i cleared out the army stuff, and probably will throw away another bunch of stuff tomorrow, hopefully this problem will be resolved. i also intend to invest one of those cupboard things for papers and stuff in anticipation of school upcoming.
i also designated a "dumping ground" right next to the door, in the hopes of isolating the mess to that region. or so i hope.
so that was today. i'm quite happy. i'd like to emphasise again the importance of having good music to accompany boring work - today, it's the "Shrek" soundtrack!! yeah!! credit also to "Petra Praise 2", which does a really cool rock twist to some familiar praise songs... v.cool.
such a strange contradiction; in all of my freedom, i am posting less? well, it's hard to justify, seeing as my posting is so wonderfully inconsistent. if you can find a pattern in the frequency, congratulations and don't tell me about it.
the question on everybody's lips now is, so what are you going to do with your free time? it comes in several guises, starting from the open-ended "So you've got a lot of free time now lah" to the somewhat more direct "So are you looking for a job?"
and everywhere i turn i sense a small amount of disapproval that the answer to the latter question is no. maybe i'm paranoid, i dunno. there's a pretty good chance that i'm imagining the disapproval coming from others, because within my own head, the accusing voice still lurks, telling me to "please go and do something with your life instead of wasting it away." it's a persistent voice.
and i guess i don't really know how true it is... but the important thing is that with what i'm doing now, i have peace within myself, and i'm usually happy. sometimes i believe the voice, and then it depresses me.
someone expressed the opinion that she'd go nuts from boredom if she had this kind of free time - i'm quite glad i'm not her, then. only one person (thanks melvin, but i don't think you read this) said that taking a break was a good idea... before school starts and i throw myself back into the grind for the rest of my life, yeah?
today, i totally rearranged my room, and cleaned up a whole bunch of things. the only thing which remained stationary was my heavily-overladen bookshelf, which i dare not move for fear of it falling on my head.
and my bed has shifted itself to the middle of the room. its a weird configuration, especially considering that my room is only three times the width of my bed, and one-and-a-half times the length. its like, the bed is in the middle, and everything else revolves around it. (seems to reflect the life i'm living now pretty well ;-).) so there's a narrow corridor on both sides, one of which is completely blocked by the desk which i shoved in there. and it gets weirder.
the desk, being in such a narrow location, has no room for an accompanying chair. inspired by my sis kat, i pushed the bed right up to the desk, so the bed functions as the seat. space saving.
and there's a little island of floor in the corner of the room, walled off by my desk and the bed, inaccessible by normal walking, which is there because of the power socket in that corner, which i cannot block off with the desk. there's a rolling shelf residing in that corner now.
the concept behind this room layout is basically this: i don't want to leave corners for dust bunnies to breed. i mean, seriously - in my room, dust bunnies breed like rabbits... i exterminated so many today that the hand-held vacuum seems to be clogged, and the SPCA will be after me soon.
and i have achieved mild success in figuring out where things should go... in assigning specific locations for specific types of items, so that more things have a proper place now. the problem that perenially plagues me is that i don't know where things should go... so they end up clogging up any available space. insufficient shelf space is blamed for this. but since i cleared out the army stuff, and probably will throw away another bunch of stuff tomorrow, hopefully this problem will be resolved. i also intend to invest one of those cupboard things for papers and stuff in anticipation of school upcoming.
i also designated a "dumping ground" right next to the door, in the hopes of isolating the mess to that region. or so i hope.
so that was today. i'm quite happy. i'd like to emphasise again the importance of having good music to accompany boring work - today, it's the "Shrek" soundtrack!! yeah!! credit also to "Petra Praise 2", which does a really cool rock twist to some familiar praise songs... v.cool.
Mar 11, 2006
freedom rant
on monday begins approximately 4 and a half months of freedom.
things i hope to accomplish in that time:
1. neaten up room, specifically the stuff all over the shelves. figure out how to stop dust accumulating over the top of everything. figure out how to have a proper place for everything when i have so little shelf space. start keeping personal documents a little more organised.
2. make a habit of doing housework. its as good a time to start as any, hopefully teach me a little discipline.
3. keep away the army stuff. get rid of the trash, pack up the useful stuff nicely, and hide it in some deep, dark corner of the storeroom.
4. read some of the good books which have been collecting dust on my shelves. read a little bit everyday. perhaps listen to some of the tapes my sis has been putting into the comp... v. good stuff there from her bible school
5. exercise? a little bit of running, perhaps. abit of static.
6. almost forgot!! learn to cook. i need a book of local recipes... =) start with the stuff my dad whips up on a regular basis, and progress from there.
i've decided that morning is really the best time to get these things done. the afternoons are too hot to do very much. i've decided to use the air-conditioning a little more liberally when i'm at home in the afternoons, if only to improve my mood. and probably go out at nights. little / no intent of getting a job, might start tuition again if i can be bothered to go revise my JC stuff.... still procrastinating over driving... sigh. don't ever mention driving to me, it makes me grumpy for some reason. let me go do all my other happy things, and then i'll worry about it.
things i hope to accomplish in that time:
1. neaten up room, specifically the stuff all over the shelves. figure out how to stop dust accumulating over the top of everything. figure out how to have a proper place for everything when i have so little shelf space. start keeping personal documents a little more organised.
2. make a habit of doing housework. its as good a time to start as any, hopefully teach me a little discipline.
3. keep away the army stuff. get rid of the trash, pack up the useful stuff nicely, and hide it in some deep, dark corner of the storeroom.
4. read some of the good books which have been collecting dust on my shelves. read a little bit everyday. perhaps listen to some of the tapes my sis has been putting into the comp... v. good stuff there from her bible school
5. exercise? a little bit of running, perhaps. abit of static.
6. almost forgot!! learn to cook. i need a book of local recipes... =) start with the stuff my dad whips up on a regular basis, and progress from there.
i've decided that morning is really the best time to get these things done. the afternoons are too hot to do very much. i've decided to use the air-conditioning a little more liberally when i'm at home in the afternoons, if only to improve my mood. and probably go out at nights. little / no intent of getting a job, might start tuition again if i can be bothered to go revise my JC stuff.... still procrastinating over driving... sigh. don't ever mention driving to me, it makes me grumpy for some reason. let me go do all my other happy things, and then i'll worry about it.
Mar 6, 2006
Wild At Heart
this book i'm reading has this to say...
"(take) a moment and consider what you would think of yourself if tomorrow you lost everything that the world has rewarded you for..."
this is a profound question. when we've lost everything, do we still know who we are? are we still secure in the knowledge of who we are, the truth that we are co-heirs, beloved, victors....
all of my life i've had a self-image problem. if you had asked me in secondary school if i was geeky/nerdy, i would have told you yes without hesitation, and its not something i was proud of. the image has changed for the better, somewhat.... i think of myself as a fairly smart, nice guy with some self-discipline problems....
so we apply what the book says, and take away everything that the world has ever rewarded me for. and i become a guy.... with some self-discipline problems.
and then i suddenly feel like i'm a weakling... with no redeeming quality whatsoever. someone who is merely using oxygen here on earth, and of no help to anyone at all.....
i wonder if its a coincidence that i was led to read Job recently....
from what i have just written, i see that there is an issue... that to a certain extent, i'm deriving my self-worth from my talents, my intelligence... now that i've identified it, the feeling fades....
and i take heart from the knowledge that i have some idea of where i'm going in this life... knowing what i want to do when i grow up... knowing and believing that God has given me specific instructions about some things which i am taking up (start army cell)... that i have a purpose, and because i have a purpose, therefore my life has meaning, my life has worth............ that i am valued enough to be entrusted with an important part of God's plan in my church...
i don't quite know if that's the right attitude to have.... i thought that ideally self-worth should be intrinsic, something which can never be taken away from you regardless of what you think your talents or your purposes are in life.... could you live with yourself if you lost all your talents and abilities... and could you live with yourself if you felt that there was no goal to strive towards, no battle to fight, no adventure to win....
seems to synergize quite nicely with my previous post.... i sense pattern.....
"(take) a moment and consider what you would think of yourself if tomorrow you lost everything that the world has rewarded you for..."
this is a profound question. when we've lost everything, do we still know who we are? are we still secure in the knowledge of who we are, the truth that we are co-heirs, beloved, victors....
all of my life i've had a self-image problem. if you had asked me in secondary school if i was geeky/nerdy, i would have told you yes without hesitation, and its not something i was proud of. the image has changed for the better, somewhat.... i think of myself as a fairly smart, nice guy with some self-discipline problems....
so we apply what the book says, and take away everything that the world has ever rewarded me for. and i become a guy.... with some self-discipline problems.
and then i suddenly feel like i'm a weakling... with no redeeming quality whatsoever. someone who is merely using oxygen here on earth, and of no help to anyone at all.....
i wonder if its a coincidence that i was led to read Job recently....
from what i have just written, i see that there is an issue... that to a certain extent, i'm deriving my self-worth from my talents, my intelligence... now that i've identified it, the feeling fades....
and i take heart from the knowledge that i have some idea of where i'm going in this life... knowing what i want to do when i grow up... knowing and believing that God has given me specific instructions about some things which i am taking up (start army cell)... that i have a purpose, and because i have a purpose, therefore my life has meaning, my life has worth............ that i am valued enough to be entrusted with an important part of God's plan in my church...
i don't quite know if that's the right attitude to have.... i thought that ideally self-worth should be intrinsic, something which can never be taken away from you regardless of what you think your talents or your purposes are in life.... could you live with yourself if you lost all your talents and abilities... and could you live with yourself if you felt that there was no goal to strive towards, no battle to fight, no adventure to win....
seems to synergize quite nicely with my previous post.... i sense pattern.....
Mar 1, 2006
the only reason i'm alive
just gonna share something one of the men at my church shared on sunday.... something he says was only really driven home to him after the death of another of our church members, Dr Alex Chao.
"... that the only reason Tan Bee Yit (himself) is alive today... is because God still has a plan for me..."
that if God had no plan for you on this earth as of this moment, then you would surely be dead.
just a thought for any aimless souls out there.
"... that the only reason Tan Bee Yit (himself) is alive today... is because God still has a plan for me..."
that if God had no plan for you on this earth as of this moment, then you would surely be dead.
just a thought for any aimless souls out there.
Feb 20, 2006
maintenance
i updated the links a little... the links basically reflect sites which i try to visit quite regularly.... here are some excerpts from boon
The awareness of sin used to be our shadow. Christians hated sin, feared it, fled from it, grieved over it. Some of our grandparents agonized over their sins. A man who lost his temper might wonder whether he could still go to Holy Communion. A woman who for years envied her more attractive and intelligent sister might worry that this sin threatened her very salvation... In today's group confessionals it is harder to tell. The newer language of Zion fudges: "Let us confess our problem with human relational adjustment dynamics, and especially our feebleness in networking." Or, "I'd just like to share that we just need to target holiness as a growth area." Where sin is concerned, people just mumble now."Cornelius Platinga, Not The Way It's Supposed To Be
also see - http://www.yellowbridge.com/humor/chineseIf.html
The awareness of sin used to be our shadow. Christians hated sin, feared it, fled from it, grieved over it. Some of our grandparents agonized over their sins. A man who lost his temper might wonder whether he could still go to Holy Communion. A woman who for years envied her more attractive and intelligent sister might worry that this sin threatened her very salvation... In today's group confessionals it is harder to tell. The newer language of Zion fudges: "Let us confess our problem with human relational adjustment dynamics, and especially our feebleness in networking." Or, "I'd just like to share that we just need to target holiness as a growth area." Where sin is concerned, people just mumble now."Cornelius Platinga, Not The Way It's Supposed To Be
also see - http://www.yellowbridge.com/humor/chineseIf.html
Anger Management
listening: I will go sailing no more [Toy Story]
We wrestle not against flesh and blood
But we war against the powers of darkness
For we are mighty through God
By the blood of His Son
That has rendered the enemy powerless
We are pulling down every work of Satan
Pushing back every force of hell
Casting down the imaginations
all the things I thought I'd be,
all the brave things i'd done
vanished like a snowflake,
with the rising of the sun
never more to sail my ship,
where no man has gone before
and I will go sailing no more
i need anger management. i have gotten more angry than i've ever been before, just this past saturday. the back of my neck felt like it had fire running down it, my skin felt like i had a sunburn, and i was probably red all over, though i had no mirror to check. but let us begin at the beginning.
i have an imagination that likes to run off with itself. i feel that this is generally a bad thing. i waste much time daydreaming. recurrent fantasies include taking part in Singapore Idol (often, esp when i'm showering) and playing soccer (when walking, usually).
one more fantasy that occupies my head sometimes is what i would do if someone suddenly snatched my mum's handbag and ran off. or if someone managed to break into my house with malicious intent. and when i think about these things, i feel my heart start to race... i feel my blood begin to boil... i suddenly feel like hitting someone... then i remind myself that its only my imagination, then i calm down again.
anyway, the above-mentioned scenarios in my imagination usually end up with me doing extremely violent things to the thief's neck / spine, while shouting loud and threatening words, or in the second scenario, me getting the chopper from the kitchen and threatening violence upon the intruder.
like isaac says, so young, so violent. sigh...
i had noticed my violent reactions, and had been mildly disconcerted by it... i haven't had much of an ager problem since sec2 thereabouts. then on saturday the world exploded.
i guess it started on friday night. i had planned for myself a lovely, relaxed saturday morning, where i could bum around, be with myself, and do nothing important at all. was thinking about joining the church people for a game of DotA or two, both on friday night and saturday morning. then something came up, and my plans were reduced to... well, just that. plans. they were run through a shredder, and there was nothing of any significance left.
being conscientious, i went to bed early on friday. woke early on saturday. half-past six early. all was fine and dandy till about noon-ish.... ACJC FunORama.
i was somewhat aghast at the rate money was disappearing from my pocket... this did not help my mood. i was dehydrated, since no one actually seemed to be selling water. the weather was scorching. i was grouchy. those who know me know that i abhor crowds, and FunORama is not the place to be if you don't like crowds. between all of that, i was in a mood to maim. it had gotten to the point that if people were in my way, my instinct was to elbow, rather than to dodge. it was that bad.
come about 1-plus, i couldn't take it anymore. i went running. in a polo T-shirt and sandals, with AC merchandise tucked under my armpit. running from the crowds, running from my troubles.... running when dehydrated. my imagination imagined me collapsing on some ulu road somewhere from dehydration and heat stroke.
anyway, i ended up somewhere amongst the HDB blocks behind holland V... napped on a bench under a cool pavilion, rested, alone, just about long enough to go face the world again for awhile. and that was the end of that. or so i thought.
i arranged with a bunch of church guys to watch soccer at Hawker Way at night. seeing as i had time to spare, i decided to go early to try and get a good seat... was there half an hour before the match. it was tough getting a seat... the men with beer mugs in hand were very good at sitting down at tables even before the previous patron had left... but as the match was about to start, i managed to corner a small table for myself, a 4-seater for me and the 3 other guys who were coming. i was there two seconds when someone else sidled in beside me, with kopi and cigarettes.
"Excuse me sir, but i have some friends coming"
"Aiyah, they not here yet right? never mind lah, when they come then i go, for now just let me sit here ok?"
i took him at his word, although i was extremely doubtful of his word. it was in my mind that when the rest of the guys showed up, that sheer force of numbers would convince him to remove himself. for surely one person would never move him... the concept of inertia works on bums and seats as well.
so i sat in sullen silence, until Isaac came along, whereupon i loudly informed Isaac that the man next to me had promised to remove himself once my friends had come... standard psychological tactic, to get public opinion on your side before starting an argument. when Isaac went to see baout getting food, compassion spoke to me, an i said
"You should go find another seat before the rest of my friends come... by the time they all get here, it will be hard to find empty seats... you are just one guy, its easier for you to find a place than us"
"what, you think you own this table is it? does the seat have your name on it? who are you to go around RESERVING seats for your friends. i have as much right to be here as you do, and if your friends are late too bad for them. get them go find their own seats."
heated words followed. my skin burst into flames, and most likely i turned quite red. the imagination was picturing a shouting match, with me abusing him liberally with expletives, in the way that the heathen do, and perhaps blows exchanged, with me pouring his kopi over his head. i chose to ignore him, and found sanctuary in small talk with Isaac, who may have noticed that i was unusually talkative that night. thankfully Liverpool won - if they lost, i might have lost it as well.
i still get angry when i think about what happened. trying hard to forgive him, by the grace of God. how i choose to react to it has absolutely nothing to do with him anymore, and forgiveness is for my own good, not his.
but this anger thing is worrying me. even today, when some small things were not going my way, i felt the familiar sensation in me, and i chose to slap a wall hard with my palm. it is not good.
one thing i learned recently. that our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities and the powers and the rulers of this dark age. when people piss me off... i should not take it personally, nor should i hold it against that person, but i should be aware that the devil is baiting me, goading me on towards sin.
We wrestle not against flesh and blood
But we war against the powers of darkness
For we are mighty through God
By the blood of His Son
That has rendered the enemy powerless
We are pulling down every work of Satan
Pushing back every force of hell
Casting down the imaginations
That exalt themselves
We are tearing down every deed of darkness
Breaking up every evil plan
We are tearing down every deed of darkness
Breaking up every evil plan
Casting out every demon spirit
By the blood of the Lamb
By the blood of the Lamb
By the blood of the Lamb
Feb 15, 2006
the truth
when bad things happen, people ask why. how God could allow such things to happen. they cannot reconcile the concept of a loving God with the amount of suffering present in this world today. but we are taught that we live in a fallen world, one in which authority and power was given to Satan by the sin of Adam.
but whatever you believe, it seems that it is more important to know this: whatever the cause, the devil seeks to turn all situations for evil, and God wants to turn all situations around for good. (i think there's a verse to back this up, but i can't find it) We can choose which way we want these things to turn out.
Call upon the name of the Lord and be saved
but whatever you believe, it seems that it is more important to know this: whatever the cause, the devil seeks to turn all situations for evil, and God wants to turn all situations around for good. (i think there's a verse to back this up, but i can't find it) We can choose which way we want these things to turn out.
Call upon the name of the Lord and be saved
Feb 9, 2006
i'd rather be a clerk in the house of my God than....
it stuck me as i was reading the Old Testament (Ezra, specifically, but there are many examples elsewhere) that the Jews were remarkably good administrators. This is witnessed by the long lists which they made present at various locations in the OT - things like the genealogies, and the complete lists of the people who went to this-and-this location or participated in this-and-this activity... they were meticulous record keepers. it seems that being a documentation clerk is a time-honoured job in the Jewish tradition, somehow. i think i feel honoured.
Several times, when the Jews went into captivity, you read of one of their administrative persons, walking with God, who rose to great power in the enemies kingdom, and gained favour with the king on behalf of Israel. Joseph in Egypt being the prime example. These men served faithfully under a hostile power, doing their jobs with all due diligence, or actually probably doing an outstanding job of it, and were rewarded, and gained favour for Israel through their actions.
and it occured to me that I should have done the same. I am in the employ of an organisation to which i hold no allegiance, a hostile power so to put it, and my service has not exactly been sterling of late. I was discouraged by the faithlessness of the people around me which seemed to go unpunished, but i think that these men of God, serving in a country not their own, must have surely faced the same problems, what with people plotting their downfall etc etc. and they persevered, and won through, and brought glory to God. Ezra records how King Darius of Persia ordered his treasurers to give the Israelites whatever!! they needed in the rebuilding of the temple and the offering of sacrifices.
so i guess what i should have done was pray against the unfair treatment. pray against the skivers. i think David prayed some rather horrible things to happen to his enemies (may his sons be fatherless kind of things), an i'm not sure if that's quite meant to be the right example to follow. but there's nothing wrong in praying for justice to be done, if i have been faithful in doing my work - after all, it is the prayer of a righteous man that avails much.
all in all, it seems rather late to realise this. 32 days left, of which 10 are weekend days, 2 will be given over to medical/dental appointments, and about 7 are leave. not much time left to "curry favour", but i guess it'll be good practice for the future.
"as if you were serving the Lord, not men." Eph 6:7
Several times, when the Jews went into captivity, you read of one of their administrative persons, walking with God, who rose to great power in the enemies kingdom, and gained favour with the king on behalf of Israel. Joseph in Egypt being the prime example. These men served faithfully under a hostile power, doing their jobs with all due diligence, or actually probably doing an outstanding job of it, and were rewarded, and gained favour for Israel through their actions.
and it occured to me that I should have done the same. I am in the employ of an organisation to which i hold no allegiance, a hostile power so to put it, and my service has not exactly been sterling of late. I was discouraged by the faithlessness of the people around me which seemed to go unpunished, but i think that these men of God, serving in a country not their own, must have surely faced the same problems, what with people plotting their downfall etc etc. and they persevered, and won through, and brought glory to God. Ezra records how King Darius of Persia ordered his treasurers to give the Israelites whatever!! they needed in the rebuilding of the temple and the offering of sacrifices.
so i guess what i should have done was pray against the unfair treatment. pray against the skivers. i think David prayed some rather horrible things to happen to his enemies (may his sons be fatherless kind of things), an i'm not sure if that's quite meant to be the right example to follow. but there's nothing wrong in praying for justice to be done, if i have been faithful in doing my work - after all, it is the prayer of a righteous man that avails much.
all in all, it seems rather late to realise this. 32 days left, of which 10 are weekend days, 2 will be given over to medical/dental appointments, and about 7 are leave. not much time left to "curry favour", but i guess it'll be good practice for the future.
"as if you were serving the Lord, not men." Eph 6:7
Feb 5, 2006
easy as 6-7-8
i don't care what people say about this blog having a weird URL... its so easy to get to lar!! once you've visited it before, all you have to do is type "i6" in the address field and IE / FireFox / whatever should list my blog right there for you.... silly people.
and for all you who know what i6uuaq actually stands for, you might have realised that i8uuaq works well too... i really want to copyright that.
and for all you who know what i6uuaq actually stands for, you might have realised that i8uuaq works well too... i really want to copyright that.
Feb 4, 2006
more answered prayer...
i testified about this on friday, but i'll write it here so that in the far-distant future i might look back and remember these things.
but as an aside, i have realised that what my teachers have been telling me from time immemorable (?) has been proven true on this blog: i don't know how to paragraph. my paragraphs are mini-essays in and of themselves, and are as easy to read as a bucketful of concrete.
and as another aside... i woke up at 3.30am on thursday morning and walked to my local 24-hour kopitiam on the off-chance that they might have been showing the Liverpool-Birmingham match on TV... they were. =) watched till nearly six before heading home and getting ready for work at 8. so fun!
it was friday morning, friday being yesterday at the point of this writing. i had come off a 5km run, my first in very long (i haven't been disciplined enough to run in recent weeks - just part of the overall disillusionment with army) and i had dropped by the gym for a short while after that... i was tired, and stoned out. i walked into office, and was greeted with a "Where's the speech file? Mr XXX (names hidden for fear of the ISA) is looking for the speech file".
context: Mr XXX is known locally as the angry old man - rather old, and gets angry easily. a high-ranked warrant officer well-trained in the art of shouting.
Seeing as the request was not put personally to me, i decided to ignore it and hope he would forget - a futile hope, considering past history, but a hope nonetheless. so i went about doing some other stuff which some other highly-ranked warrant officers had asked me to do, and settling some problems with a very-lost despatch driver, when dear Mr XXX pops in and demands "Where's the speech file?? Have you found it yet?? How long must I wait for you??" Aiming glares at every soul in the room, he disappears for some time. I message the filing clerk inquiring after this particular file, being not familiar with such things, and carry on with my other work.
As expected, shortly later Mr XXX pops in again and demands the file: "Fee Fie Fo Fum where is the speech file" (can't remember the exact words). Being truthful in general and also not very good at throwing smoke, i tell him truthfully that I have no idea what file he's talking about. and he gets angry "What?!?1 That's a very important file!! It contains xxxxx xxxx xxxx (etc) how can you all lose it?!! call XXX, call XXX see whether they know where it is, if not call XXX you all better find that file (etc etc etc)" So dutifully i call up all the respective XXX's, who either a)refer me to the wrong file (one which we've shown Mr XXX and been loudly rejected) or b) give me the verbal equivalent of the blank look (generally expressed as a long, drawn-out "huh??")
then pops in one of the guys, sent hither by Mr XXX looking for a certain document. and i went "A-hah! I know where this is!" and i went to my computer, checked my records, and found that the document should have been kept inside ZZZ book in the usual drawer. and so i went to flip open ZZZ book, and lo and behold the document was not there. and then i stared at the blank space for awhile. then i flipped through the book and found everything else in order, but for this missing document.
and then i look half-heartedly in all the various drawers, without much hope because i know my drawers fairly well, and i found nothing. and then i sat down to stare at the blank wall for awhile. and my friend enquired "What shall i tell Mr XXX?" and i told him to wait until i had gone and hidden somewhere, and then tell Mr XXX that it was not to be found.
and in despair and weariness I prayed, and said this: "Dear God, I have done all that I can, and I cannot find these things. Please help me to settle these problems." and i asked my friend to go away and ask someone else while i carried on looking.
so i considered the date of the document, and the events which were going on during that time, and i decided to look in a certain miscellaneous drawer, which is filled with all manner of things. and looking slowly, and without much energy, through the reams of stuff, i come across the document.
a short while later, one of the XXX's which i had called called back with a new suggestion: "Try this." (long detailed instructions follow) and i discover the long-lost speech file in a cabinet which i have never before opened (also discovering that it has been lost some six years so its really hardly my fault i don't know what it is)... seems quite miraculous to me. when the person couldn't think where it was before, but remembered after i prayed... how i went to look in exactly the right place for the missing document after praying.... such things are encouraging me greatly these past few days.
press in.
but as an aside, i have realised that what my teachers have been telling me from time immemorable (?) has been proven true on this blog: i don't know how to paragraph. my paragraphs are mini-essays in and of themselves, and are as easy to read as a bucketful of concrete.
and as another aside... i woke up at 3.30am on thursday morning and walked to my local 24-hour kopitiam on the off-chance that they might have been showing the Liverpool-Birmingham match on TV... they were. =) watched till nearly six before heading home and getting ready for work at 8. so fun!
it was friday morning, friday being yesterday at the point of this writing. i had come off a 5km run, my first in very long (i haven't been disciplined enough to run in recent weeks - just part of the overall disillusionment with army) and i had dropped by the gym for a short while after that... i was tired, and stoned out. i walked into office, and was greeted with a "Where's the speech file? Mr XXX (names hidden for fear of the ISA) is looking for the speech file".
context: Mr XXX is known locally as the angry old man - rather old, and gets angry easily. a high-ranked warrant officer well-trained in the art of shouting.
Seeing as the request was not put personally to me, i decided to ignore it and hope he would forget - a futile hope, considering past history, but a hope nonetheless. so i went about doing some other stuff which some other highly-ranked warrant officers had asked me to do, and settling some problems with a very-lost despatch driver, when dear Mr XXX pops in and demands "Where's the speech file?? Have you found it yet?? How long must I wait for you??" Aiming glares at every soul in the room, he disappears for some time. I message the filing clerk inquiring after this particular file, being not familiar with such things, and carry on with my other work.
As expected, shortly later Mr XXX pops in again and demands the file: "Fee Fie Fo Fum where is the speech file" (can't remember the exact words). Being truthful in general and also not very good at throwing smoke, i tell him truthfully that I have no idea what file he's talking about. and he gets angry "What?!?1 That's a very important file!! It contains xxxxx xxxx xxxx (etc) how can you all lose it?!! call XXX, call XXX see whether they know where it is, if not call XXX you all better find that file (etc etc etc)" So dutifully i call up all the respective XXX's, who either a)refer me to the wrong file (one which we've shown Mr XXX and been loudly rejected) or b) give me the verbal equivalent of the blank look (generally expressed as a long, drawn-out "huh??")
then pops in one of the guys, sent hither by Mr XXX looking for a certain document. and i went "A-hah! I know where this is!" and i went to my computer, checked my records, and found that the document should have been kept inside ZZZ book in the usual drawer. and so i went to flip open ZZZ book, and lo and behold the document was not there. and then i stared at the blank space for awhile. then i flipped through the book and found everything else in order, but for this missing document.
and then i look half-heartedly in all the various drawers, without much hope because i know my drawers fairly well, and i found nothing. and then i sat down to stare at the blank wall for awhile. and my friend enquired "What shall i tell Mr XXX?" and i told him to wait until i had gone and hidden somewhere, and then tell Mr XXX that it was not to be found.
and in despair and weariness I prayed, and said this: "Dear God, I have done all that I can, and I cannot find these things. Please help me to settle these problems." and i asked my friend to go away and ask someone else while i carried on looking.
so i considered the date of the document, and the events which were going on during that time, and i decided to look in a certain miscellaneous drawer, which is filled with all manner of things. and looking slowly, and without much energy, through the reams of stuff, i come across the document.
a short while later, one of the XXX's which i had called called back with a new suggestion: "Try this." (long detailed instructions follow) and i discover the long-lost speech file in a cabinet which i have never before opened (also discovering that it has been lost some six years so its really hardly my fault i don't know what it is)... seems quite miraculous to me. when the person couldn't think where it was before, but remembered after i prayed... how i went to look in exactly the right place for the missing document after praying.... such things are encouraging me greatly these past few days.
press in.
Jan 26, 2006
an answered prayer..
before i get to the point,
http://www.zradio.com/index/listen/
for edifying music. w00t!!
anyway.
i felt rather better after that rant. one of those things about having two hours of sleep is that suddenly everything seems incredibly funny to you. or to me, anyway. spent a considerable amount of time laughing hysterically. which is quite an achievement considering that most people who know me simply CANNOT imagine me laughing hysterically. well.. its your loss. =)
monday was an alright kind of day. survived, although i was really getting quite annoying near the end of the day, being short of sleep and short of temper.
approximately 15 hours after posting that last post there, i had answered prayer. praying for direction, for open doors... someone invited me to lead worship at tuesday's prayer meeting.... seems that my name had popped up mysteriously, my name specifically. i forgot to ask what time my name popped up... if someone told me it was 4am, it would be so cool.
funny thing is, after doing it once again, i don't think that it's something i'm really called to do... im just, ambivalent about the whole thing... like, i'll do it if you ask me, but i won't be the one stepping forward. hmm...
and at the end of tuesday, i discovered that i could go to range with a much better attitude towards the whole thing. hallelujah.
i really thank God for keeping me throughout the range... i was kept and protected and sheltered, and given enough for me to overflow to others too... even though my branch's recognised (multiple-award winning) skiver did his usual thing and got himself an MC to excuse himself, as was expected.
it didn't start off particularly well... i discovered that the foresight tip (non-SAF-personnel: it's an aiming device of sorts) on my weapon was faulty... stuck at maximum elevation, can't bring it down. after much deliberation, i got my weapon replaced. then i found out that all the 3SG's (that's me!) were slated once again to be the official sai-kang elite warriors for the range... clearing point IC, along with 4 more guys as chamber ICs, which means 5 people out of a total of 8 on duty at any one point of time... this not inclusive of the time actually spent firing... i wasn't particularly happy, but i was peaceful, which is miles better than how i was at 3am on monday.
the other reason why i'm not particularly eager to go for range, besides the noise, is the fact that i'm not particularly confident handling my weapon... not particularly fond of handling highly explosive bits of unyielding metal, especially when they are placed inside a device designed to make them explode. i am danger-averse, adrenalin-shy, amongst many other things.
but i thank God for this, amongst many other things, that my new weapon was working perfectly. not once did the weapon jam and cause me to take immediate action to rectify the problem (i tend to stress out here), most of the guys which i had to supervise had absolutely no problems with their weapons, and the few which did have problems managed to resolve the problem without much trouble. between the earplugs and the helmet i got quite a headache in mid-afternoon, but that cleared itself up with a little rest. the only time i had a weapon problem (it was the magazine, not the rifle) was so late in the day that i had become reasonably confident to sort out the problem.
and between all my duties and taking my test, i was kept just busy enough that the day passed quickly, uneventfully, pleasantly, with just sufficient rest to keep me going. i think i actually scored high enough to get marksman, but seeing as i was on duty when the marks were read out i don't know for sure. the whole thing actually came off really well, and i have only pleasant memories of a day which i had dreaded for so long. it's almost unbelievable.
most of this post was written over a week ago, but i was interrupted, ran out of time, and didn't find time to continue till now... oops. =)
http://www.zradio.com/index/listen/
for edifying music. w00t!!
anyway.
i felt rather better after that rant. one of those things about having two hours of sleep is that suddenly everything seems incredibly funny to you. or to me, anyway. spent a considerable amount of time laughing hysterically. which is quite an achievement considering that most people who know me simply CANNOT imagine me laughing hysterically. well.. its your loss. =)
monday was an alright kind of day. survived, although i was really getting quite annoying near the end of the day, being short of sleep and short of temper.
approximately 15 hours after posting that last post there, i had answered prayer. praying for direction, for open doors... someone invited me to lead worship at tuesday's prayer meeting.... seems that my name had popped up mysteriously, my name specifically. i forgot to ask what time my name popped up... if someone told me it was 4am, it would be so cool.
funny thing is, after doing it once again, i don't think that it's something i'm really called to do... im just, ambivalent about the whole thing... like, i'll do it if you ask me, but i won't be the one stepping forward. hmm...
and at the end of tuesday, i discovered that i could go to range with a much better attitude towards the whole thing. hallelujah.
i really thank God for keeping me throughout the range... i was kept and protected and sheltered, and given enough for me to overflow to others too... even though my branch's recognised (multiple-award winning) skiver did his usual thing and got himself an MC to excuse himself, as was expected.
it didn't start off particularly well... i discovered that the foresight tip (non-SAF-personnel: it's an aiming device of sorts) on my weapon was faulty... stuck at maximum elevation, can't bring it down. after much deliberation, i got my weapon replaced. then i found out that all the 3SG's (that's me!) were slated once again to be the official sai-kang elite warriors for the range... clearing point IC, along with 4 more guys as chamber ICs, which means 5 people out of a total of 8 on duty at any one point of time... this not inclusive of the time actually spent firing... i wasn't particularly happy, but i was peaceful, which is miles better than how i was at 3am on monday.
the other reason why i'm not particularly eager to go for range, besides the noise, is the fact that i'm not particularly confident handling my weapon... not particularly fond of handling highly explosive bits of unyielding metal, especially when they are placed inside a device designed to make them explode. i am danger-averse, adrenalin-shy, amongst many other things.
but i thank God for this, amongst many other things, that my new weapon was working perfectly. not once did the weapon jam and cause me to take immediate action to rectify the problem (i tend to stress out here), most of the guys which i had to supervise had absolutely no problems with their weapons, and the few which did have problems managed to resolve the problem without much trouble. between the earplugs and the helmet i got quite a headache in mid-afternoon, but that cleared itself up with a little rest. the only time i had a weapon problem (it was the magazine, not the rifle) was so late in the day that i had become reasonably confident to sort out the problem.
and between all my duties and taking my test, i was kept just busy enough that the day passed quickly, uneventfully, pleasantly, with just sufficient rest to keep me going. i think i actually scored high enough to get marksman, but seeing as i was on duty when the marks were read out i don't know for sure. the whole thing actually came off really well, and i have only pleasant memories of a day which i had dreaded for so long. it's almost unbelievable.
most of this post was written over a week ago, but i was interrupted, ran out of time, and didn't find time to continue till now... oops. =)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
