the problem is that we're not changing lives. why should we expect people to stay if their lives are not being changed? is it any wonder that people are slowly drifting away...
my dad says, learn to love someone not for what they are, but for who they are. their social status, capabilities, likes and dislikes change, but their character remains the same. the key is in properly distinguishing the two, i suppose.
you love the Lord more than anything on this earth. that much is clear. you are gentle-hearted, and compassionate. you want too much to be doing things for God, but you know that already. i can live with that.
we cannot claim to be Christians unless we believe every word that Jesus said, be it good or bad. it is very easy to claim all the blessings, but neglect the hard sayings of Christ, which are many. (John 6:60) We are ever ready to quote "All things are possible with God." (Mark 10:27), but are we as ready to say "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off."? (Mark 9:43) No doubt our hands or feet or eyes have caused us to sin, but have we ever entertained the thoughts of disfiguring ourselves?
Who is like the Lord? There is no one
Who is like the Lord? He is strong and mighty
Who is like the Lord? He is worthy
Stand up, and give Him the praise.
May 26, 2006
the bus recce
on hindsight, perhaps i should have just kept my mouth shut. what did it matter that their narrow-mindedness and rigidity threatened to turn the entire day into an exercise in futility? what did it matter that all our plans were like confetti to them, that they gave us lip service and no real respect?
now i fear i have forever sabotaged the working relationships between us. my incredulity at their incompetence was poorly disguised, and they, having a combined age four times mine, took it poorly. i should have expected no less.
i think that what i need is for someone to tell me that i did nothing wrong. but i don't think that's true, and i don't think that will be forthcoming.
sigh.
now i fear i have forever sabotaged the working relationships between us. my incredulity at their incompetence was poorly disguised, and they, having a combined age four times mine, took it poorly. i should have expected no less.
i think that what i need is for someone to tell me that i did nothing wrong. but i don't think that's true, and i don't think that will be forthcoming.
sigh.
May 21, 2006
Happy 3rd Anniversary to me
someone manifested during service today, as far as i can tell. sudden outburst of total gibberish. deliberately did not look, because looking is what a singaporean would do. watch, and possibly take bets. i chose to pray, so i didn't see what was going on, but it died down after about 30 seconds?
things like this remind me that the world we see is not all there is to life on this earth. that things move in the spirit realms, unseen by us. but their effects can be seen, like what happened today. strengthened my faith.
someone testified today. i'll call her Jane. (i dislike using people's real names, in general. it's just unnecessary). she discovered she had a tumour in her femur sometime last year. being an avid trekker, she was devastated. faced with the prospect of losing a leg, never walking again, living life bound to a wheelchair, or even death. that very week she came to church.
during the altar call, the pastor asked those who felt that they had a heavy burden on them to come forward to pray. as she knelt there, someone came to pray with her, and asked her what her burden was. she shared her story, and then the other lady showed Jane the scar on her own leg, and told her that God would take care of her.
coincidence?
today's sermon was about Rahab, and i didn't like it. the pastor presented it from the perspective that Rahab, having heard of the mighty things which God had done for Israel, chose to believe in God, and lend assistance to the Israelites, the people of God.
but it seems to make more sense to me that, having heard of the mighty things which God had done for the Israelites, Rahab chose to sell out her own city in order to gain favour with the invaders, and to gain her life.
what does this tell me about God? perhaps in the initial, her motives were not the best. but the Bible goes on to record that she married into the Israelites, (breaking yet another Mosaic Law, by the way), and lived amongst them, and was actually the great-grandmother of David. so i guess that she learnt the way of the Israelites, and truly followed God.
God wants everyone to be saved. no matter what your circumstances are when you first came to the Lord, He is gracious to accept you, as long as you believe.
i guess this harks back to the other things which the pastor said. her life being spared was conditional upon her leaving that scarlet cord in her window, and that in itself was an act of faith. her own countrymen might have noticed, and asked her about it, or asked her to remove it. but she left it there, believing that the Israelites would be triumphant, and that the red cord would spare her life.
it is by faith that we are saved. i find this a recurrent theme in my life these past few days. hmm....
incidently, today's my third anniversary. Jill is busy, and there is absolutely no celebration. or rather, it's been postponed. but it was supposed to be today, so this will commemorate it.
things like this remind me that the world we see is not all there is to life on this earth. that things move in the spirit realms, unseen by us. but their effects can be seen, like what happened today. strengthened my faith.
someone testified today. i'll call her Jane. (i dislike using people's real names, in general. it's just unnecessary). she discovered she had a tumour in her femur sometime last year. being an avid trekker, she was devastated. faced with the prospect of losing a leg, never walking again, living life bound to a wheelchair, or even death. that very week she came to church.
during the altar call, the pastor asked those who felt that they had a heavy burden on them to come forward to pray. as she knelt there, someone came to pray with her, and asked her what her burden was. she shared her story, and then the other lady showed Jane the scar on her own leg, and told her that God would take care of her.
coincidence?
today's sermon was about Rahab, and i didn't like it. the pastor presented it from the perspective that Rahab, having heard of the mighty things which God had done for Israel, chose to believe in God, and lend assistance to the Israelites, the people of God.
but it seems to make more sense to me that, having heard of the mighty things which God had done for the Israelites, Rahab chose to sell out her own city in order to gain favour with the invaders, and to gain her life.
what does this tell me about God? perhaps in the initial, her motives were not the best. but the Bible goes on to record that she married into the Israelites, (breaking yet another Mosaic Law, by the way), and lived amongst them, and was actually the great-grandmother of David. so i guess that she learnt the way of the Israelites, and truly followed God.
God wants everyone to be saved. no matter what your circumstances are when you first came to the Lord, He is gracious to accept you, as long as you believe.
i guess this harks back to the other things which the pastor said. her life being spared was conditional upon her leaving that scarlet cord in her window, and that in itself was an act of faith. her own countrymen might have noticed, and asked her about it, or asked her to remove it. but she left it there, believing that the Israelites would be triumphant, and that the red cord would spare her life.
it is by faith that we are saved. i find this a recurrent theme in my life these past few days. hmm....
incidently, today's my third anniversary. Jill is busy, and there is absolutely no celebration. or rather, it's been postponed. but it was supposed to be today, so this will commemorate it.
May 20, 2006
Passion AC, Dayang, and other things.
I can't remember the speaker's name. which is a shame, because if i ever share his testimony, i would like to be able to attribute it to him.
he spoke on a very interesting topic. he shared about his weakness, and how God's glory is shown most vividly where you are weakest. or rather, can be shown most vividly, if you have given that weakness over to God.
i truly believe that i have many weaknesses. someone has reprimanded me for that, and ill probably do so again, but i am just trying to identify my feelings, my emotions, and then perhaps i can begin to understand myself.
now that i think about it more, maybe not MANY weaknesses. i have some, but they pop up alot.
i fear judgement from people, being not confident enough in myself, in spite of all that people have said to me. i mean, of course they'll say good things to my face, right? i never hear the criticism, but i assume it's out there. a fair assumption?
but i made a big step in overcoming this problem just this past week, i think. though i have professed a desire to enter the teaching vocation for the past four years, this past week i have been actually teaching (relief), and it didn't seem like it was going to be a good experience at first. those who know me know that i clam up around people i don't know well... only amongst friends of many years do i actually speak up. this past week, i have been asked to meet about 70 young people for the first time, to gain their attention and respect, and to perform a task which i have never officially been trained for, in a subject area which i have not touched for 2-and-a-half years. i was thoroughly intimidated.
it happened a month ago too, when i was teaching J1s. mild panic attacks throughout every day, wanting to go hide in a corner somewhere and skip classes. teacher skipping classes, would be a first, perhaps. but it wasn't too bad - it was an easy topic. i had worked through the questions thoroughly; knew my stuff.
monday was pretty bad. couldn't concentrate on anything. went to school early so i would have time to work through the questions, and really break down each question into the most basic steps so i could explain it thoroughly. i ended up staring at the tutorials, flipping through the notes, not really writing anything down. i worried that i wouldn't be able to answer their questions. that i would explain things wrongly, and make a fool of myself (this sentence is very telling, i think).
i prayed, and in my little cubicle in the staff room, i whispered out my prayer, and told the spirit of fear to leave me, because i am a child of God, and such things have no hold on me. and it left.
as far as the situation was, nothing changed. but the fear left me, and i felt more relaxed. it came back at intervals, but i resisted. now that i think about it, i don't think its went away completely, but it decreased drastically. enough for me to go for lessons.
and now that i think about it, all my worst fears came true. i got concepts wrong. i got formulas wrong. sometimes my students had to give me the right answers. and somehow i am unaffected by it all.
i don't think its gone away completely, and i think i should observe this on monday, and see if there's any more room for improvement. i still get restless before lessons, although this is also improving. but i thank God for giving me this peace, which is really quite beyond understanding, to show me that he is faithful.
i think the speaker (i think his name is William) really got my attention with his introduction. he talked about defining moments in our faith, how he used to want those defining moments, such as miracles or visions or such, which we can fall back on in times of doubt. it really struck a chord with me, because i want those too. my faith is weak, terribly weak, i feel. there are days, the most recent being wednesday, when i begin to doubt this entire construct that is the Christian faith, because my rational mind (or is it the devil?) shows me how what we believe is conveniently structured to handle any counter-argument. (the good stuff glorifies God, the bad stuff can also glorify God in how we respond to it, so what can disprove God?)
on wednesday, i recalled that faith is the believing of things which are not seen, and that it is by faith that we have salvation. when the arguments no longer hold, and logic has no solution, then we use our shield, which is called faith*. and now that i think about it, perhaps it is no coincidence that at camp last week, the message was on the armour of God.
it should probably be noted here that the speaker had his defining moment from God. it happened to leave him paralysed permanently from the waist down, which he still is. and yet he can praise God for it.
the camp was also good. it was enjoyable, even though i knew no one at the beginning. it was a wonderful time of rest, and of rekindling my love for God (which is still small). many wonderful new experiences, snorkeling, bouldering, some serious rock climbing (very big rocks, rather high up). blue skies, white sandy beaches with super-fine sand, clear water with plenty of colourful fishies. went fishing too, caught four fish. yay.
the NUS Navigators are a group of people who sincerely love God. this is their foremost feature, all other things come second, which is as it should be. i would want to join them if only to become more like them, on my way to becoming like Christ. even as they serve in all the different ways, and do all the things which good christians do, i can see that they love God. truly inspiring.
its been a long time since i've truly felt the presence of God near to me. but i thank God that at least i can see Him in the things and people around me, whose very lives testify to the glory of God. (lifeng, cheryl)
i'm so sure i had more to write, but i've been writing for over an hour, and its midnight, and i had a long day. but at the end of this extremely long post (what's new?), i have one thing to say. God is good.
One thing God has spoken,
two things I have heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Ps 62:11-12a
*if faith is our shield, which i use when it seems that nothing else is left, then what is righteousness to me? the breastplate is even more fundamental to our protection than the shield, and so righteousness is more important than faith? (sounds blasphemous) in those times when your faith is weak, as long as you protect your righteousness by continuing to live right, you will be able to stand. or so i interpret it.
he spoke on a very interesting topic. he shared about his weakness, and how God's glory is shown most vividly where you are weakest. or rather, can be shown most vividly, if you have given that weakness over to God.
i truly believe that i have many weaknesses. someone has reprimanded me for that, and ill probably do so again, but i am just trying to identify my feelings, my emotions, and then perhaps i can begin to understand myself.
now that i think about it more, maybe not MANY weaknesses. i have some, but they pop up alot.
i fear judgement from people, being not confident enough in myself, in spite of all that people have said to me. i mean, of course they'll say good things to my face, right? i never hear the criticism, but i assume it's out there. a fair assumption?
but i made a big step in overcoming this problem just this past week, i think. though i have professed a desire to enter the teaching vocation for the past four years, this past week i have been actually teaching (relief), and it didn't seem like it was going to be a good experience at first. those who know me know that i clam up around people i don't know well... only amongst friends of many years do i actually speak up. this past week, i have been asked to meet about 70 young people for the first time, to gain their attention and respect, and to perform a task which i have never officially been trained for, in a subject area which i have not touched for 2-and-a-half years. i was thoroughly intimidated.
it happened a month ago too, when i was teaching J1s. mild panic attacks throughout every day, wanting to go hide in a corner somewhere and skip classes. teacher skipping classes, would be a first, perhaps. but it wasn't too bad - it was an easy topic. i had worked through the questions thoroughly; knew my stuff.
monday was pretty bad. couldn't concentrate on anything. went to school early so i would have time to work through the questions, and really break down each question into the most basic steps so i could explain it thoroughly. i ended up staring at the tutorials, flipping through the notes, not really writing anything down. i worried that i wouldn't be able to answer their questions. that i would explain things wrongly, and make a fool of myself (this sentence is very telling, i think).
i prayed, and in my little cubicle in the staff room, i whispered out my prayer, and told the spirit of fear to leave me, because i am a child of God, and such things have no hold on me. and it left.
as far as the situation was, nothing changed. but the fear left me, and i felt more relaxed. it came back at intervals, but i resisted. now that i think about it, i don't think its went away completely, but it decreased drastically. enough for me to go for lessons.
and now that i think about it, all my worst fears came true. i got concepts wrong. i got formulas wrong. sometimes my students had to give me the right answers. and somehow i am unaffected by it all.
i don't think its gone away completely, and i think i should observe this on monday, and see if there's any more room for improvement. i still get restless before lessons, although this is also improving. but i thank God for giving me this peace, which is really quite beyond understanding, to show me that he is faithful.
i think the speaker (i think his name is William) really got my attention with his introduction. he talked about defining moments in our faith, how he used to want those defining moments, such as miracles or visions or such, which we can fall back on in times of doubt. it really struck a chord with me, because i want those too. my faith is weak, terribly weak, i feel. there are days, the most recent being wednesday, when i begin to doubt this entire construct that is the Christian faith, because my rational mind (or is it the devil?) shows me how what we believe is conveniently structured to handle any counter-argument. (the good stuff glorifies God, the bad stuff can also glorify God in how we respond to it, so what can disprove God?)
on wednesday, i recalled that faith is the believing of things which are not seen, and that it is by faith that we have salvation. when the arguments no longer hold, and logic has no solution, then we use our shield, which is called faith*. and now that i think about it, perhaps it is no coincidence that at camp last week, the message was on the armour of God.
it should probably be noted here that the speaker had his defining moment from God. it happened to leave him paralysed permanently from the waist down, which he still is. and yet he can praise God for it.
the camp was also good. it was enjoyable, even though i knew no one at the beginning. it was a wonderful time of rest, and of rekindling my love for God (which is still small). many wonderful new experiences, snorkeling, bouldering, some serious rock climbing (very big rocks, rather high up). blue skies, white sandy beaches with super-fine sand, clear water with plenty of colourful fishies. went fishing too, caught four fish. yay.
the NUS Navigators are a group of people who sincerely love God. this is their foremost feature, all other things come second, which is as it should be. i would want to join them if only to become more like them, on my way to becoming like Christ. even as they serve in all the different ways, and do all the things which good christians do, i can see that they love God. truly inspiring.
its been a long time since i've truly felt the presence of God near to me. but i thank God that at least i can see Him in the things and people around me, whose very lives testify to the glory of God. (lifeng, cheryl)
i'm so sure i had more to write, but i've been writing for over an hour, and its midnight, and i had a long day. but at the end of this extremely long post (what's new?), i have one thing to say. God is good.
One thing God has spoken,
two things I have heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Ps 62:11-12a
*if faith is our shield, which i use when it seems that nothing else is left, then what is righteousness to me? the breastplate is even more fundamental to our protection than the shield, and so righteousness is more important than faith? (sounds blasphemous) in those times when your faith is weak, as long as you protect your righteousness by continuing to live right, you will be able to stand. or so i interpret it.
May 6, 2006
polling day
i think now that i would have liked to have been able to vote.
not for any patriotic reason of shaping the direction that our nation is taking. not for any sort of belief that my vote matters and will determine the makeup of our government for the next 5 years. my logical mind says that the significance of one vote amongst 3 million others has an effective significance of nil. (is this being cynical?)
it's just that... it looks like fun.
watching from my window as people are admitted into the polling station downstairs. a police officer checks their identity at the gate before directing them in. i watch as they walk up the empty driveway, and make their way into the silent, forbidding building.
it's the whole 'forbidden fruit' thing... i look at them passing through the gates, and get the feeling that they are getting involved in something important and secret and significant, which is exactly what it is, i suppose. i want to do that too.
i suspect the feeling will disappear once i have actually tried it once.
part of it is also the curiosity. of seeing democracy in action, seeing how the polling is actually conducted, attempting to spot security breaches. =).
unfortunately, i have been undermined being born approximately 10 months and 6 days too late. and any smart person would have immediately realised that they can derive my exact date of birth from there.
something else which i have realised about my writing style is that i am absolutely incapable of adding meaningful titles to my posts. well, not absolutely. but seeing as i tend to jumble up all manner of miscellaneous things into the length of a single post, then one title isn't ever going to be sufficient now, is it?
miscellaneous things such as the following.
i believe that throughout the 20-plus years of my life thus far, the only compliment i have ever heard from any female member of the human race, and been deemed worthy of possessing, is 'cute'. and seeing as one of these female-members-of-the-human-race (FMOTHR for short, ok?) (*looks quite offensive, actually*) was sufficiently kind enough to clarify 'cute' to mean 'ugly, but adorable', i'm not sure it's much of a compliment.
that is something which i have been strenuously attempting to explain to certain to certain FMOTHRs, that 'cute' is hardly the kind of reaction that guys attempt to extract from girls.
so perhaps some of them have said 'smart', and 'genius' and other such comments on my intellectual capacity. i view these not so much as compliments, but observations. =). and the only other positive thing i have ever heard from them is 'cute'.
even from FMOTHRs younger than me. what an indignity.
not for any patriotic reason of shaping the direction that our nation is taking. not for any sort of belief that my vote matters and will determine the makeup of our government for the next 5 years. my logical mind says that the significance of one vote amongst 3 million others has an effective significance of nil. (is this being cynical?)
it's just that... it looks like fun.
watching from my window as people are admitted into the polling station downstairs. a police officer checks their identity at the gate before directing them in. i watch as they walk up the empty driveway, and make their way into the silent, forbidding building.
it's the whole 'forbidden fruit' thing... i look at them passing through the gates, and get the feeling that they are getting involved in something important and secret and significant, which is exactly what it is, i suppose. i want to do that too.
i suspect the feeling will disappear once i have actually tried it once.
part of it is also the curiosity. of seeing democracy in action, seeing how the polling is actually conducted, attempting to spot security breaches. =).
unfortunately, i have been undermined being born approximately 10 months and 6 days too late. and any smart person would have immediately realised that they can derive my exact date of birth from there.
something else which i have realised about my writing style is that i am absolutely incapable of adding meaningful titles to my posts. well, not absolutely. but seeing as i tend to jumble up all manner of miscellaneous things into the length of a single post, then one title isn't ever going to be sufficient now, is it?
miscellaneous things such as the following.
i believe that throughout the 20-plus years of my life thus far, the only compliment i have ever heard from any female member of the human race, and been deemed worthy of possessing, is 'cute'. and seeing as one of these female-members-of-the-human-race (FMOTHR for short, ok?) (*looks quite offensive, actually*) was sufficiently kind enough to clarify 'cute' to mean 'ugly, but adorable', i'm not sure it's much of a compliment.
that is something which i have been strenuously attempting to explain to certain to certain FMOTHRs, that 'cute' is hardly the kind of reaction that guys attempt to extract from girls.
so perhaps some of them have said 'smart', and 'genius' and other such comments on my intellectual capacity. i view these not so much as compliments, but observations. =). and the only other positive thing i have ever heard from them is 'cute'.
even from FMOTHRs younger than me. what an indignity.
May 4, 2006
an interesting little bit of trivia:
i have found, after much observation, that i invariably become quite fond of any girl who compliments my singing. =).
and in truth, i wonder if it indicates pride. it's one of those things which "the world has rewarded you for"... i recall wondering if i would still sing as loudly during service if i had no sense of pitch or rhythm, and praying that i would praise Him with so much more than my lips.
"desires worshippers who worship in Spirit and in truth." what does this mean?
recently, more than before, i have fallen into the trap of merely singing for singing's sake. it's so easy to sing, if you love to sing. it's easy to get distracted by the technicalities, in trying to figure out the harmonies, in enjoying the music and appreciating the beauty of it all...
i wandered much in the CBD area today, from Specialist's Centre to Centrepoint to Capitol Centre to hitherto-unexplored areas in the Shenton Way area with interesting road names such as Shenton Way(!), Parsi Road, Prince Edwards something-or-other, and even some roads with mysterious names such as Mistri Road. woo. our CBD is a real haven, with abundant greenery even amongst the skyscrapers, a beautiful counterpoint. Wide paved walkways, neatly trimmed plants, and just next door, a small hill covered in dense foliage, wild enough to conceal breeding mosquitoes (i killed one).
i was wandering in search of the soundtrack of the movie "Rent". listening to the soundtrack now, actually. just put it on pause to concentrate here...
i would heartily recommend the movie to anyone mature enough to watch it. it isn't a movie that seeks to entertain, although the music is beyond excellent, and the cinematography similarly good. its M18 rating is thoroughly deserved, most notably for a certain dance sequence where guys would do well to avert their eyes, and certain lesbian/gay scenes which may traumatise the faint of heart. but beyond all these details on the surface is a stirring social commentary on life, focusing on the plight of drug addicts, HIV patients, and all those things which we instinctively shun, and perhaps even despise.
and the focus, the central theme of the entire production, really, is love. the love, so richly depicted in the show, not cheapened through sex as in most hollywood productions nowadays, but shown through acceptance and through trials and in death.
and it reminded me of something which i am ashamed to have forgotten in my shallow, sheltered world, that these people are human, with hopes and dreams and loves as anyone in this world, and with less chance than most of fulfilling them. they struggle with demons which are greater than ours.
in searching the internet for some lyrics, i noticed one site. "How 'Rent' changed my life", or something to that effect. i didn't bother reading it, but i knew what he was talking about.
i learnt something about people, and about God from that movie. one song, specifically, with the associated screenplay. following the downfall of Mimi, her clandestine meetings in back alleys with drug dealers. about how her boyfriend caught her red-handed, pulling, dragging her away. about the terrible hours in the night, fighting withdrawal symptoms, cold sweats, shivering, vomiting, falling back into her old ways... and eventually triumphant, through much love and support.
all have sinned, and have fallen short of the glory of God. we are like drug addicts, addicted to sin and its benefits. we struggle to tear ourselves away, but often the temptations are too great, and we go back, in clandestine meetings in back-alleys, in darkness. and we keep falling, and falling again, only to be brought back by God's love. in all our sin, we are as repulsive to God as the filthiest person on earth (use your imagination), the recalcitrant sinner, who repeatedly rejects His love. how often can we take rejection before we give it up? but God is love.
i finally understand, or at least better appreciate the bits in the Bible which refer to Israel as a prostitute. we profess God, yet wander off regularly to do as we will, whatever seems appropriate and fun and of immediate benefit to us, and then come back on Sunday seemingly all prim and proper.
Without you,
the ground thaws,
the rain falls,
the grass grows.
Without you,
the seeds root,
the flowers bloom,
The children play.
The stars gleam,
the poets dream,
the eagles fly,
without you.
The earth turns,
the sun burns,
but I die,
without you.
i have found, after much observation, that i invariably become quite fond of any girl who compliments my singing. =).
and in truth, i wonder if it indicates pride. it's one of those things which "the world has rewarded you for"... i recall wondering if i would still sing as loudly during service if i had no sense of pitch or rhythm, and praying that i would praise Him with so much more than my lips.
"desires worshippers who worship in Spirit and in truth." what does this mean?
recently, more than before, i have fallen into the trap of merely singing for singing's sake. it's so easy to sing, if you love to sing. it's easy to get distracted by the technicalities, in trying to figure out the harmonies, in enjoying the music and appreciating the beauty of it all...
i wandered much in the CBD area today, from Specialist's Centre to Centrepoint to Capitol Centre to hitherto-unexplored areas in the Shenton Way area with interesting road names such as Shenton Way(!), Parsi Road, Prince Edwards something-or-other, and even some roads with mysterious names such as Mistri Road. woo. our CBD is a real haven, with abundant greenery even amongst the skyscrapers, a beautiful counterpoint. Wide paved walkways, neatly trimmed plants, and just next door, a small hill covered in dense foliage, wild enough to conceal breeding mosquitoes (i killed one).
i was wandering in search of the soundtrack of the movie "Rent". listening to the soundtrack now, actually. just put it on pause to concentrate here...
i would heartily recommend the movie to anyone mature enough to watch it. it isn't a movie that seeks to entertain, although the music is beyond excellent, and the cinematography similarly good. its M18 rating is thoroughly deserved, most notably for a certain dance sequence where guys would do well to avert their eyes, and certain lesbian/gay scenes which may traumatise the faint of heart. but beyond all these details on the surface is a stirring social commentary on life, focusing on the plight of drug addicts, HIV patients, and all those things which we instinctively shun, and perhaps even despise.
and the focus, the central theme of the entire production, really, is love. the love, so richly depicted in the show, not cheapened through sex as in most hollywood productions nowadays, but shown through acceptance and through trials and in death.
and it reminded me of something which i am ashamed to have forgotten in my shallow, sheltered world, that these people are human, with hopes and dreams and loves as anyone in this world, and with less chance than most of fulfilling them. they struggle with demons which are greater than ours.
in searching the internet for some lyrics, i noticed one site. "How 'Rent' changed my life", or something to that effect. i didn't bother reading it, but i knew what he was talking about.
i learnt something about people, and about God from that movie. one song, specifically, with the associated screenplay. following the downfall of Mimi, her clandestine meetings in back alleys with drug dealers. about how her boyfriend caught her red-handed, pulling, dragging her away. about the terrible hours in the night, fighting withdrawal symptoms, cold sweats, shivering, vomiting, falling back into her old ways... and eventually triumphant, through much love and support.
all have sinned, and have fallen short of the glory of God. we are like drug addicts, addicted to sin and its benefits. we struggle to tear ourselves away, but often the temptations are too great, and we go back, in clandestine meetings in back-alleys, in darkness. and we keep falling, and falling again, only to be brought back by God's love. in all our sin, we are as repulsive to God as the filthiest person on earth (use your imagination), the recalcitrant sinner, who repeatedly rejects His love. how often can we take rejection before we give it up? but God is love.
i finally understand, or at least better appreciate the bits in the Bible which refer to Israel as a prostitute. we profess God, yet wander off regularly to do as we will, whatever seems appropriate and fun and of immediate benefit to us, and then come back on Sunday seemingly all prim and proper.
Without you,
the ground thaws,
the rain falls,
the grass grows.
Without you,
the seeds root,
the flowers bloom,
The children play.
The stars gleam,
the poets dream,
the eagles fly,
without you.
The earth turns,
the sun burns,
but I die,
without you.
May 2, 2006
too. long.
it has been too long.
so many things happening, no time to write it all down. i really want a laptop, because i think to myself that by always having the writing medium near me, i will write more.
yeah right.
i've said it before, and i'll say it again. if you really want to do something, you will knuckle down and do it. you will make time for it, most likely excavate spare minutes and hours from your already-insufficient sleep-time, but you will, and i have not.
home is hardly conducive to writing, thinking. the TV is always on, and whenever i am at home, i just want to crawl into bed and sleep. or play computer. i get the most work done when i wake up in the morning, about 9am thereabouts, and find that there's absolutely no one at home, and that the place is somehow neat. then i can get down and do productive things, and start the whole day off on a good note.
and yet i AM doing productive things. somehow. all the endless meetings and typing things for eye-fo, studying my physics so that i can teach well, starting the whole tuition thing again. but those are things that mainly take place outside the house... inside the house, nothing works too well.
the book i was reading recently asked me to imagine what my life would be like if all my dreams came true. can't remember the purpose of that particular exercise, but i do know what my ideal future looks like, somewhat. happily married, a bunch of good kids who grow up as self-confident, loving, young people. i don't necessarily want to be doing great things in church, i don't really see myself being too concerned about my job. what more can one ask, really, but to be surrounded by people you love, and who love you back. it is a comfort zone, and discerning people will know that i really love my comfort zones.
i've been told that i'm a simple person. i agree. why do you think i like physics?
i'm a conservative person who gives absolutely no respect to traditions. how does that add up?
on the plus side, the bunch of people i'm working with for the eye-fo are perhaps the most over-achieving bunch of people i've ever met. President's Scholar, MFA Scholar, NTU Scholar and a bunch of others whose affiliations i'm not sure of. and every single one of them councillors when they were in school i think. its really interesting listening to them talk and discuss things.
so many things happening, no time to write it all down. i really want a laptop, because i think to myself that by always having the writing medium near me, i will write more.
yeah right.
i've said it before, and i'll say it again. if you really want to do something, you will knuckle down and do it. you will make time for it, most likely excavate spare minutes and hours from your already-insufficient sleep-time, but you will, and i have not.
home is hardly conducive to writing, thinking. the TV is always on, and whenever i am at home, i just want to crawl into bed and sleep. or play computer. i get the most work done when i wake up in the morning, about 9am thereabouts, and find that there's absolutely no one at home, and that the place is somehow neat. then i can get down and do productive things, and start the whole day off on a good note.
and yet i AM doing productive things. somehow. all the endless meetings and typing things for eye-fo, studying my physics so that i can teach well, starting the whole tuition thing again. but those are things that mainly take place outside the house... inside the house, nothing works too well.
the book i was reading recently asked me to imagine what my life would be like if all my dreams came true. can't remember the purpose of that particular exercise, but i do know what my ideal future looks like, somewhat. happily married, a bunch of good kids who grow up as self-confident, loving, young people. i don't necessarily want to be doing great things in church, i don't really see myself being too concerned about my job. what more can one ask, really, but to be surrounded by people you love, and who love you back. it is a comfort zone, and discerning people will know that i really love my comfort zones.
i've been told that i'm a simple person. i agree. why do you think i like physics?
i'm a conservative person who gives absolutely no respect to traditions. how does that add up?
on the plus side, the bunch of people i'm working with for the eye-fo are perhaps the most over-achieving bunch of people i've ever met. President's Scholar, MFA Scholar, NTU Scholar and a bunch of others whose affiliations i'm not sure of. and every single one of them councillors when they were in school i think. its really interesting listening to them talk and discuss things.
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