it's quite fun surfing blogs randomly when you've got spare time and nothing to do with it.. its like, connecting with people. it's the benefit of life experiences without having to go through them yourselves; it's putting yourself in someone else's shoes, its a boon to curious people.
which is why i haven't told anyone about this blog yet. well, all of two people, actually, but they're not the type to go reading blogs, i think. 'cos the stuff i share is deeply personal, and i am at heart a very private person. you'll never hear me talk about some of the things i say here aloud, so if my friends read this.... well, it'll be strange. someday i suppose i will tell more people, but that can wait awhile...
Jun 27, 2005
it's been a bad couple of days.
had a great church camp. i did. and even while having the great church camp i was keeping an eye out for what happens next, which is the crash...
well, i didn't exactly crash. but my life didn't exactly change either, which was exactly what i testified about. "all these spiritual experiences, moves of the Spirit etc., aren't the things that change your life. It's in the daily, disciplined walk with the Lord that real change occurs, that real joy is found." let's add something to that, something which i began to realise this past week... if you're not moving forward, you can be certain that you are slipping backward. so it seems to me anyway. the drift will be quite imperceptible at first, but weeks later, when you struggle to get going again, it will be 100 times harder than it was in the first place. humbug.
i'll say it frankly here. the last time i had proper, consistent quiet time was back in 2002. three full years ago. and every once in awhile i try and get back on my feet, but the effort is massive, and my will is weak. and i slip and i fall, and i lie there for awhile gathering strength to try again... i can't find the exit sign! that song that twila paris did a cover of really yelled to me.. "The Warrior is a Child"...
i've always intended to spend at least some time when doing overnight duty to read my bible and be quiet for awhile. it hasn't really happened... instead i spend time surfing the internet and doing bad things. today was about a hundred times worse than usual - just about everyone i met had work for me which kinda just stacked up into a pile that then proceeded to fall on me - hard. basically working till i fell asleep almost, managing to forget the two things given me by the highest-ranked one and earning myself ire. nothing to be done about that now, but i think i will try to avoid a certain officer when the duties are being planned now..
just to post a link here.. http://icestryder.blogspot.com/ came across it while randomly surfing blogs... it was abit of an encouragement to me. to pick myself up and start moving again. icestryder, if you ever wander across this post - thanks. i often hope that my own writings will sometime be an encouragement to others.
...
had a great church camp. i did. and even while having the great church camp i was keeping an eye out for what happens next, which is the crash...
well, i didn't exactly crash. but my life didn't exactly change either, which was exactly what i testified about. "all these spiritual experiences, moves of the Spirit etc., aren't the things that change your life. It's in the daily, disciplined walk with the Lord that real change occurs, that real joy is found." let's add something to that, something which i began to realise this past week... if you're not moving forward, you can be certain that you are slipping backward. so it seems to me anyway. the drift will be quite imperceptible at first, but weeks later, when you struggle to get going again, it will be 100 times harder than it was in the first place. humbug.
i'll say it frankly here. the last time i had proper, consistent quiet time was back in 2002. three full years ago. and every once in awhile i try and get back on my feet, but the effort is massive, and my will is weak. and i slip and i fall, and i lie there for awhile gathering strength to try again... i can't find the exit sign! that song that twila paris did a cover of really yelled to me.. "The Warrior is a Child"...
i've always intended to spend at least some time when doing overnight duty to read my bible and be quiet for awhile. it hasn't really happened... instead i spend time surfing the internet and doing bad things. today was about a hundred times worse than usual - just about everyone i met had work for me which kinda just stacked up into a pile that then proceeded to fall on me - hard. basically working till i fell asleep almost, managing to forget the two things given me by the highest-ranked one and earning myself ire. nothing to be done about that now, but i think i will try to avoid a certain officer when the duties are being planned now..
just to post a link here.. http://icestryder.blogspot.com/ came across it while randomly surfing blogs... it was abit of an encouragement to me. to pick myself up and start moving again. icestryder, if you ever wander across this post - thanks. i often hope that my own writings will sometime be an encouragement to others.
...
Jun 15, 2005
call me marvin
people are depressingly stupid.
i was on a train, headed home, bone tired and achey all over. mental faculties were functioning at a minimal level, kinda taking in the hustle and bustle of rush hour without paying too much attention.
there was a bunch of young people standing next to me. guessing they're just into adulthood, so i suppose i should call them old people since i have yet to attain that distinction. two guys, and a girl. the conversation somewhere turned to army, a favourite topic among Singaporean males. one guy was going on about some CO or other who went on a route march with his men, in admiring tones. the other was like, yah right. he took a rover right? bet he carried nothing at all. went on to comment how there are a zillion and one ways to chao keng in army, and how COs get paid the most money but don't need to do all the tedious marching and all that stuff. how depressingly stupid.
at the risk of actually taking what he said at face value (maybe he was just acting dumb for the sake of having someone to insult), someone obviously does not understand that this whole not-marching business is NOT the sum total of the job of the CO, but that this job entails much more in the way of man management, logistics planning and other tactical stuff than he can get his sodden brain around, and that HIS job of marching long distances carrying heavy weights has ACTUALLY BEEN MADE OBSOLETE by this guy we call Henry Ford. seriously. complain that the guy doesn't march with you when he has to wrestle with the responsibility that his every decision may result in massive loss of life. how depressingly stupid.
getting off the train, and groaning under the burden of a heavy load, i chose to take advantage of the convenience of the recently-installed elevator system to get my weary bones down a level to where the exits were. entering the lift ahead of me was a slick young guy, hair combed smoothly back, in a pale pink long-sleeved shirt and black trousers.
i happened to notice that instead of slouching about in the lift waiting for the inevitable closure of the door and subsequent descent, as i was doing, this pro-active, full-of-initiative, gung-ho young man was doing the following:
a) pressing the button "1" as well as the "Door Close" button simultaneously, holding them down in fact withno small amount of force.
b) glaring vehemently at the closing door as if threatening anyone who dared to disrupt his nefarious plan of efficacious door closure and elevator descent and subsequent world domination.
now, it makes exactly zero point zero zero sense to hold on to the door close button, since the door close button simply doesn't work that way. the door has a uniform rate of closure whether you hold down the button or jab it repeatedly or invoke mysterious powers of tai chi on it. holding down the door close button will also fail to override any outside attempt to halt the closure, since the lift button OUTSIDE of the lift will override the door close button INSIDE the lift.
it seems that some people think it terribly unprofitable should they even have to wait for TWO SECONDS for someone else to enter the lift, even if waiting that two seconds would save the other person a minute or so of waiting for the return of the lift. obviously their time is far more valuable than anyone else's, time being money and all that sort of malarkey, and should any insidious force even ATTEMPT to disrupt their effort at going down in the lift as quickly as possible, such people will affix the culprit with menacing glares and mutter ominous sounding curses under their breath. how arrogant to believe your own time more precious than anyone else's. how depressingly stupid.
i realise that the sound of the dripping sarcasm actually hinders the full appreciation of the point i am trying to make. excuse me, and read the above again.
i really sympathise with marvin.
Now I lay me down to bed,
Darkness won't engulf my head;
I can see by infra-red,
How I hate the night.
- marvin
i was on a train, headed home, bone tired and achey all over. mental faculties were functioning at a minimal level, kinda taking in the hustle and bustle of rush hour without paying too much attention.
there was a bunch of young people standing next to me. guessing they're just into adulthood, so i suppose i should call them old people since i have yet to attain that distinction. two guys, and a girl. the conversation somewhere turned to army, a favourite topic among Singaporean males. one guy was going on about some CO or other who went on a route march with his men, in admiring tones. the other was like, yah right. he took a rover right? bet he carried nothing at all. went on to comment how there are a zillion and one ways to chao keng in army, and how COs get paid the most money but don't need to do all the tedious marching and all that stuff. how depressingly stupid.
at the risk of actually taking what he said at face value (maybe he was just acting dumb for the sake of having someone to insult), someone obviously does not understand that this whole not-marching business is NOT the sum total of the job of the CO, but that this job entails much more in the way of man management, logistics planning and other tactical stuff than he can get his sodden brain around, and that HIS job of marching long distances carrying heavy weights has ACTUALLY BEEN MADE OBSOLETE by this guy we call Henry Ford. seriously. complain that the guy doesn't march with you when he has to wrestle with the responsibility that his every decision may result in massive loss of life. how depressingly stupid.
getting off the train, and groaning under the burden of a heavy load, i chose to take advantage of the convenience of the recently-installed elevator system to get my weary bones down a level to where the exits were. entering the lift ahead of me was a slick young guy, hair combed smoothly back, in a pale pink long-sleeved shirt and black trousers.
i happened to notice that instead of slouching about in the lift waiting for the inevitable closure of the door and subsequent descent, as i was doing, this pro-active, full-of-initiative, gung-ho young man was doing the following:
a) pressing the button "1" as well as the "Door Close" button simultaneously, holding them down in fact withno small amount of force.
b) glaring vehemently at the closing door as if threatening anyone who dared to disrupt his nefarious plan of efficacious door closure and elevator descent and subsequent world domination.
now, it makes exactly zero point zero zero sense to hold on to the door close button, since the door close button simply doesn't work that way. the door has a uniform rate of closure whether you hold down the button or jab it repeatedly or invoke mysterious powers of tai chi on it. holding down the door close button will also fail to override any outside attempt to halt the closure, since the lift button OUTSIDE of the lift will override the door close button INSIDE the lift.
it seems that some people think it terribly unprofitable should they even have to wait for TWO SECONDS for someone else to enter the lift, even if waiting that two seconds would save the other person a minute or so of waiting for the return of the lift. obviously their time is far more valuable than anyone else's, time being money and all that sort of malarkey, and should any insidious force even ATTEMPT to disrupt their effort at going down in the lift as quickly as possible, such people will affix the culprit with menacing glares and mutter ominous sounding curses under their breath. how arrogant to believe your own time more precious than anyone else's. how depressingly stupid.
i realise that the sound of the dripping sarcasm actually hinders the full appreciation of the point i am trying to make. excuse me, and read the above again.
i really sympathise with marvin.
Now I lay me down to bed,
Darkness won't engulf my head;
I can see by infra-red,
How I hate the night.
- marvin
Jun 3, 2005
Will You Be My Friend?
somehow i feel like the person i was chatting with online ignored me yet again. am i paranoid? it started with a long silence... which i ventured to break with a sarcastic remark about long conversations... and then the person disappeared.
i think i'll start approaching inanimate objects and asking them ot be my friend. real people are so fleeting.
i think i'll start approaching inanimate objects and asking them ot be my friend. real people are so fleeting.
birds i have known
O thrice-accursed rule that forbids us from carrying cameras into camp.
I have had the greatest privilege of being in a less-built up area of Singapore, where trees are plentiful and the air is cool. On my daily sojourns to camp and back, and even within the camp compound itself, i have been blessed in observing the wonders of creation practically at an arm's length.
I was walking. An innocuous activity. I heard a hooting, and marvelled that that owl was up so early, it being only 6pm. Curiosity piqued, i peered into the trees, searching for the source of the sound.
Seeing as there was but a single row of trees in my immediate vicinity, i plodded along it, discerning by triangulation the exact tree from which the sound emanated. Eyeballs straining at their sockets, i sought to see the surreptitious songbird silhouetted against the evening sky. And behold, i beheld it. And it was sitting on a branch. And shaped seemingly like a dove. Only by the nearly imperceptible motion of its beak did i identify it as the mystery singer, carrying on an avian conversation with another dove some distance away. it really did sound like a conversation, one bird saying something, and receiving a response some moments later. i was fascinated. the soft yellow light from the dying rays of the sun did little to dispel the magic of that moment, giving the creature a certain golden hue. my flab was bergasted (i mean i was flabbergasted). i have also mentally reclassified that particular sound as a "coo", as opposed to a "hoot"
minutes before that, i saw a beautiful bright blue kingfisher swoop straight into a little crevice in a wall, for reasons unbeknownst to my mammalian brain.
this morning, i saw what seemed to be a kingfisher, complete with disproportionate tail and beak. it was trilling. i found it quite... thrilling. normal bird twittering is just so uninspiring.
and there is absolutely no real point to this post. owell, they can't ALL be gems.
I have had the greatest privilege of being in a less-built up area of Singapore, where trees are plentiful and the air is cool. On my daily sojourns to camp and back, and even within the camp compound itself, i have been blessed in observing the wonders of creation practically at an arm's length.
I was walking. An innocuous activity. I heard a hooting, and marvelled that that owl was up so early, it being only 6pm. Curiosity piqued, i peered into the trees, searching for the source of the sound.
Seeing as there was but a single row of trees in my immediate vicinity, i plodded along it, discerning by triangulation the exact tree from which the sound emanated. Eyeballs straining at their sockets, i sought to see the surreptitious songbird silhouetted against the evening sky. And behold, i beheld it. And it was sitting on a branch. And shaped seemingly like a dove. Only by the nearly imperceptible motion of its beak did i identify it as the mystery singer, carrying on an avian conversation with another dove some distance away. it really did sound like a conversation, one bird saying something, and receiving a response some moments later. i was fascinated. the soft yellow light from the dying rays of the sun did little to dispel the magic of that moment, giving the creature a certain golden hue. my flab was bergasted (i mean i was flabbergasted). i have also mentally reclassified that particular sound as a "coo", as opposed to a "hoot"
minutes before that, i saw a beautiful bright blue kingfisher swoop straight into a little crevice in a wall, for reasons unbeknownst to my mammalian brain.
this morning, i saw what seemed to be a kingfisher, complete with disproportionate tail and beak. it was trilling. i found it quite... thrilling. normal bird twittering is just so uninspiring.
and there is absolutely no real point to this post. owell, they can't ALL be gems.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
