a month of school has come and gone...
over a month, probably, since i put anything here of any worth. i wonder why the same few people keep coming back, when this is so rarely updated. i wonder why i still receive feedback on what i write nearly immediately after it gets written.
thanks peeps.
so. a month of school. just about went nuts the first two weeks, trying to remember how to cope with school again. i've conveniently forgotten these past couple of years that my JC life was blessed beyond belief - teachers who didn't believe in collecting tutorials/assignments; teachers who were absolutely brilliant at doing what they did - training me to take my exams and take them well.
that's partly why i want to teach.
but it's a whole different kettle of fish here at NUS. no one's really gonna take care of you; sink or swim by your own merits. just keeping track of the various tutorials/lecture notes/lab manuals/random announcements and other random things for six separate modules is more than one consciousness can handle. i've settled down, after i concluded that being a science geek, all that really matters are the tutorials and labs... if i can do those, i should be fine when the exams come around. although i'm absolutely lost as to what i should do for those non-science modules which don't have tutorials... owell.
I've settled into digs at PGP, which is 5 minutes by shuttle bus from where all my classes are held. i've taken my room and made it look like my own, replete with love notes from gf. i've got stuff put away neatly in files, i've got a stack of CDs waiting to be recorded into the laptop, i've got several books waiting for me to read them.
i'm really enjoying myself here... it just seems easier to focus and get my work done when i'm always conscious of the fact that hey, i'm still in school! i thank God for the scholarship that has made all these things possible.
it wasn't school so much that was stressful. i stressed myself out, really. my goal, my aim, is to take this time that i have here, alone and away from the distractions of home, to really make good use of my time. to be a good steward of this precious resource God has given me. and so i filled my days with endless activities, not least of which was quiet time in the morning everyday sometime before 10am, which is when my first lesson starts everyday.
i guess i burnt out. i still look on in envy at the people who put 12 hours in everyday running about and seem to be still so full of energy at the end of it - who do their work on buses between destinations, or do tutorials while simultaneously paying attention to the lecturer. who don't ever seem to need time to wind down and rest except at the end of each day when they go to bed. i'm jealous. maybe it's my diet, or my lack of exercise, but i can't keep up with them.
it's a hopeless battle, perhaps. i've given in, and spent the last 2 and a half hours playing FM2006, and i feel better. but in little mood to work. don't think i'll do anything tonight.
-) <---- that's a cyclops smiley face
i guess that at heart i don't believe that God can work though my personality to do good works that someone designed otherwise cannot do. my belief is that my personality is a hindrance brought on by challenges which i ran from when growing up. how does God work through the person who sees a familiar face, and walks in the opposite direction because he's often not fond of company? we were made for fellowship!
i find meeting new people so tiring. it's such an effort to make small talk at the beginning of a relationship - i much prefer it when there's an excuse such as work, to keep the conversation going. so much so that i tend to avoid acquaintances, and choose to only talk to established friends. and i'm guesssing that people think i'm conceited, which may not be too far off the mark. what can i say? i'm too lazy to make the effort to get to know someone whom i believe i will never meet again, and in a small country like Singapore, that choice often proves to be a poor one. God work through this? more like God work to change this, i think.
so many things i want to say... but so lazy.
a friend posted the lyrics to a song that i heard once before, which i want to learn. but i'm against piracy, which means that i've got to splash out 20-30 bucks to pick up the CD... doesn't seem worth it, somehow. haven't bought a CD in months, or maybe even years. i keep telling myself God honours those who honour Him... and i know that i can live without having all the latest songs, or even the most inspiring songs. remember that Lucifer was supposedly the angel of music.... puts me in mind of Phantom. -)
