well. not exactly fever. don't thinki'm feverish. down with flu, though. missed the casting crowns worship concert thing. missing cell tonight too probably. yet somehow i'm glad.
there's nothing like being a little bit ill to make you appreciate how good life is. sitting in the car with my dad and sis, and talking about not much in particular, and enjoying it thoroughly.
i think i crave companionship alot more when i'm not feeling well. had no company on the way home, but at least i had a nice full-size pillow, which i was bringing back from hostel. slept rather well on the train. =)
there was once i told someone that it was probably true that guys thought about sex roughly 500 times a day. but that was where i was then. i think i was in the army at the time. i no longer think its true. i think it depends alot on where i am in relation to God at that point in time.
i have learnt that telling yourself you will not do something doesn't work. not for me, anyway. worked for Job apparently, who made a "covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a woman", but not for me. what works for me is when i approach God in the morning, and humbly ask for grace and His protection from the temptations that come to me, knowing full well and having proven over and over that i cannot do it on my own. and faith sustains me throughout the day.
I thank God for the exams that have just gone by, and for this first semester at uni. Never have been so stressed in my life - to the point of tears at one point. stupid term paper. But i have learned part of what it means to trust God, and to be a faithful steward of my time. i have learned about rest at appropriate times, and i have learned that whatever work we have, it has been given to us by God, and in doing it faithfully, we worship God. i've learnt about the dangers of self-indulgence.
the challenge is to remember this once next sem starts again.
i saw an eagle today. too far away to make out the species. i saw a small flock of white-crested laughingthrushes some weeks ago, and i think i'm learning to recognise their calls. and this big black bird with red eyes which i can't identify yet. another unidentified species of woodpecker. there's a scarlet-backed flowerpecker who like to hang around in the trees just outside my window, and i've learnt how to recognise it's calls. the amount of variety in the plumage of the birds is simply incredible. awe-inspiring. indescribable.
It's amazing what prayer does. Amazing how much God cares about the little little details in your life. Like how when i sit down in the outdoors to be quiet and i ask God to show me something amazing, He has never failed me. Like how I had some strange extended family function which i was rather dreading going for, and somehow my gf appears at the same table as me to keep me company all night. how i only fall ill on the day of my last exam paper.
and it's stunning how faithless, and prayerless i still am, in the light of all this. in spite of the joy i've had in my quiet times these past few months, i find myself drifting away again. letting my feelings, my physical tiredness, any excuse to get in the way. but it's all excuses. but i'm still learning.
