A concept introduced to me some time ago by a lady called Sarah Yang was "Beholding God's Glory". Don't really understand it, but it involves meeting God not through the Word, nor through worship, nor through prayer in words or tongue, but a kind of sitting and resting and... beholding. Just looking and seeing God's glory. She would put a worship CD on, and just sit and behold, and I tried that today.
So I was lying on my back, on my bed, gazing at the ceiling. I was wide awake, but lying down, because it seemed that God was up there somewhere, and a picture came into my mind - i saw the night sky, and the stars winking in the darkness, and I saw a tube made of some translucent, clear material, stretching away from me up and up into the Heavens, and a thought came to mind. The exact phrasing eludes me now, but... "Now that I'm fasting, I have a clear, direct, unimpeded line to Heaven." and then this. "Ask whatever you want."
So I spoke what I wanted. It seemed important to speak it aloud somehow. Three things I wanted. To know the will of God, to do the will of God, and to be empowered and anointed for the doing. and then, after a few more minutes... nothing. And I wondered whether I had said something wrong, or whether I had missed something somehow, whether I'd been distracted. And I pondered that for awhile, and then i decided that, you know, perhaps that was what God wanted to say for today, and that I would find out more tomorrow. Eagerly waiting tomorrow.
I write this here as testimony, and a reminder of what I am promised.
Jan 17, 2007
Jan 11, 2007
that'll be six dollars, sir. here's your change
funny thing happened yesterday while i was watching a play at the esplanade.
me: i'll have the apple juice please
bartender: that'll be six dollars, sir
*i hand over a fifty dollar bill(
*she rummages about in the till and extracts my change*
bartender: that'll be six dollars, sir. here's your change.
*she hands me six dollars*
me: er... i gave you fifty dollars.
*i show her how much change she gave me*
bartender: ... oh, sorry sir.
*takes back the change, rummages in the till again, and hands me $46*
me: er...
*hands a two dollar note back*
kinda reminds me of that riddle i heard in J1 about the 3 guys having to pay a $30 bill at a restaurant. =). i hope i didn't traumatize the bartender for life.
me: i'll have the apple juice please
bartender: that'll be six dollars, sir
*i hand over a fifty dollar bill(
*she rummages about in the till and extracts my change*
bartender: that'll be six dollars, sir. here's your change.
*she hands me six dollars*
me: er... i gave you fifty dollars.
*i show her how much change she gave me*
bartender: ... oh, sorry sir.
*takes back the change, rummages in the till again, and hands me $46*
me: er...
*hands a two dollar note back*
kinda reminds me of that riddle i heard in J1 about the 3 guys having to pay a $30 bill at a restaurant. =). i hope i didn't traumatize the bartender for life.
Jan 9, 2007
Harry Potter IQ Test
been awhile since i did this badly for a test... dangzit. obviously reading it thrice is entirely insufficient. nooo.....
Jan 5, 2007
I Come From The Spion Kop
listening to: Poor Scouser Tommy, via the official Liverpool FC website. pretty funky lyrics for a football cheer. think the local schools have alot to learn when it comes to cheers. =)
was waiting at the bus stop today. saw a guy behind me, from a local secondary school. pretty sure he was in lower sec... still in shorts, he was. he was smoking, which shocked me personally, and his conversation was sprinkled liberally with hokkien.
after i got up on the bus, i was thinking to myself... you know, these are the kind of people i am expected to reach out to when i become a teacher... or, now as i type and think... even now, if i come across them.
i've always had abit more passion for the quiet ones, because that is who i was/am. i believe that i could have achieved and learnt so much more, and become so much more, had someone challenged me when i was younger. not challenge, as in confrontation, but challenge, as in to hone, as iron sharpens iron. to bring me out of my comfort zone, to find the limits of my talents and abilities. army finally did that for me, but it should have been done so much earlier, and school is one place where it could have been done.
but what can i do with the destructive ones? the ones with a dim view of authority, who take pride in rebelliousness, who insist on standing out in every negative way possible? i was thinking about this on my bus ride...
it's an attention-seeking thing, i'm sure, though i have no experience and authority to back me up. challenging authority, mocking the values of the day are the easiest ways to gain notoriety and a certain kind of respect, and my gut feel is that these actions stem out of a lack of self-worth and identity. so i guess a solution would simply be to engage them as people. consult their opinions on things - try and get reasoned opinions out of them if they spout anti-authority rhetoric at you. learn about their lives, relationships and interests as if it were something tremendously important to you, and not just as if it were important, but because it is important.
i categorise people whom i meet and see, and i interact with them accordingly. and the way i act with different groups of people is painfully obviously different to me, and it ashames me, because it seems like such a judgemental thing to do. how do i break out of this?
was waiting at the bus stop today. saw a guy behind me, from a local secondary school. pretty sure he was in lower sec... still in shorts, he was. he was smoking, which shocked me personally, and his conversation was sprinkled liberally with hokkien.
after i got up on the bus, i was thinking to myself... you know, these are the kind of people i am expected to reach out to when i become a teacher... or, now as i type and think... even now, if i come across them.
i've always had abit more passion for the quiet ones, because that is who i was/am. i believe that i could have achieved and learnt so much more, and become so much more, had someone challenged me when i was younger. not challenge, as in confrontation, but challenge, as in to hone, as iron sharpens iron. to bring me out of my comfort zone, to find the limits of my talents and abilities. army finally did that for me, but it should have been done so much earlier, and school is one place where it could have been done.
but what can i do with the destructive ones? the ones with a dim view of authority, who take pride in rebelliousness, who insist on standing out in every negative way possible? i was thinking about this on my bus ride...
it's an attention-seeking thing, i'm sure, though i have no experience and authority to back me up. challenging authority, mocking the values of the day are the easiest ways to gain notoriety and a certain kind of respect, and my gut feel is that these actions stem out of a lack of self-worth and identity. so i guess a solution would simply be to engage them as people. consult their opinions on things - try and get reasoned opinions out of them if they spout anti-authority rhetoric at you. learn about their lives, relationships and interests as if it were something tremendously important to you, and not just as if it were important, but because it is important.
i categorise people whom i meet and see, and i interact with them accordingly. and the way i act with different groups of people is painfully obviously different to me, and it ashames me, because it seems like such a judgemental thing to do. how do i break out of this?
Jan 1, 2007
Happy New Year
happy new year.
didnt sleep a wink last night, but just crashed out the entire afternoon.
watched chronicles of narnia again (in bits), and i really enjoyed the bits i watched, especially how the relationship between the two brothers develops throughout the story, and the character development in general. there were some bits i felt were not particularly well-acted, but it was quite good overall.
looking at the allegorical view of it, there was one part which i was very familiar with, but that i never really thought about? the whole bit about 'he'll be coming and going, he's not a tame lion, you know'. and i suppose it's something to do with the whole omnipresence vs manifest presence that i've heard about, but what i really wonder is, what's the significance of Aslan not being around? Do we then not have guidance in those times, and rely on our own sense of judgement? After all, in the novels it seem that Aslan only appears in times of great trials - what happens in the times of relative peace?
and it's a question that has much relevance in our lives... i mean, we often hear the lament that it's only in our troubled times that we turn to God, but C.S. Lewis seems to be writing that it's only in our troubled times that He draws near to us.
played soccer in the social hall for over two hours. blistered feet. really miss soccer.
visited the Botanic gardens in the morning. walked my feet off. saw 'ang moh' ducks sitting in a tree, and a host of Lesser Whistling Ducks as well. saw a terribly grumpy looking heron (think it's a grey heron?) who had been sitting immobile, and all hunched over on a branch the entire morning. Saw stork-billed kingfisher, which is the yellow-headed one, as well as the comical white-breastd waterhen with the funny red bum which bobs up and down as it walks. spent two hours there, strolling, and was absolutely shattered by the end of it. home, and rest.
my days are filling up much faster than i want them to, and school hasn't even started yet. the holidays were far too full, and i'm feeling distinctly put off-balance by the stuff which still needs to be done. i want one full day at home to do some of this stuff, but i don't think it's happening.
didnt sleep a wink last night, but just crashed out the entire afternoon.
watched chronicles of narnia again (in bits), and i really enjoyed the bits i watched, especially how the relationship between the two brothers develops throughout the story, and the character development in general. there were some bits i felt were not particularly well-acted, but it was quite good overall.
looking at the allegorical view of it, there was one part which i was very familiar with, but that i never really thought about? the whole bit about 'he'll be coming and going, he's not a tame lion, you know'. and i suppose it's something to do with the whole omnipresence vs manifest presence that i've heard about, but what i really wonder is, what's the significance of Aslan not being around? Do we then not have guidance in those times, and rely on our own sense of judgement? After all, in the novels it seem that Aslan only appears in times of great trials - what happens in the times of relative peace?
and it's a question that has much relevance in our lives... i mean, we often hear the lament that it's only in our troubled times that we turn to God, but C.S. Lewis seems to be writing that it's only in our troubled times that He draws near to us.
played soccer in the social hall for over two hours. blistered feet. really miss soccer.
visited the Botanic gardens in the morning. walked my feet off. saw 'ang moh' ducks sitting in a tree, and a host of Lesser Whistling Ducks as well. saw a terribly grumpy looking heron (think it's a grey heron?) who had been sitting immobile, and all hunched over on a branch the entire morning. Saw stork-billed kingfisher, which is the yellow-headed one, as well as the comical white-breastd waterhen with the funny red bum which bobs up and down as it walks. spent two hours there, strolling, and was absolutely shattered by the end of it. home, and rest.
my days are filling up much faster than i want them to, and school hasn't even started yet. the holidays were far too full, and i'm feeling distinctly put off-balance by the stuff which still needs to be done. i want one full day at home to do some of this stuff, but i don't think it's happening.
Dec 30, 2006
His Majesty's Service
this post is exactly one week overdue. think about it.
it just goes to show how different the standards are by which God and men measure things. By all earthly standards, it was a washout. One frantic week of planning, the now-familiar mild flutterings of panic, it all came to naught. Yet somewhere in the extremely-small crowd, God was doing something special.
And I guess it's time to get used to the fact that this is how it's going to be, much of the time. God shows his awesome power by working through those who are weak. what was that verse, "He has used the foolish things of this world to shame the wisdom of the wise." We can be absolutely sure to take no credit, when the event fails spectacularly. His ways are higher than ours.
and yet, the fact remains that i did it. if i had not done it, then perhaps God would not have had that singular opportunity to speak into someone's life. It's an obedience thing, and will always be an obedience thing. We do what we are called to, as best as we can figure out what it is we are being called to do, and God does his own thing through our feeble efforts.
And it's a remarkably freeing discovery, and humbling too. The progress of God's Kingdom is not dependent on our abilities - God works in spite of it, for His greater glory. The progress of God's Kingdom is only dependent on humility, and obedience. To do that to which we are called, and to call out to Him in our weakness. and failures are not necessarily reflections on us, but merely God accomplishing His work in a subtle way. It's utterly amazing.
it just goes to show how different the standards are by which God and men measure things. By all earthly standards, it was a washout. One frantic week of planning, the now-familiar mild flutterings of panic, it all came to naught. Yet somewhere in the extremely-small crowd, God was doing something special.
And I guess it's time to get used to the fact that this is how it's going to be, much of the time. God shows his awesome power by working through those who are weak. what was that verse, "He has used the foolish things of this world to shame the wisdom of the wise." We can be absolutely sure to take no credit, when the event fails spectacularly. His ways are higher than ours.
and yet, the fact remains that i did it. if i had not done it, then perhaps God would not have had that singular opportunity to speak into someone's life. It's an obedience thing, and will always be an obedience thing. We do what we are called to, as best as we can figure out what it is we are being called to do, and God does his own thing through our feeble efforts.
And it's a remarkably freeing discovery, and humbling too. The progress of God's Kingdom is not dependent on our abilities - God works in spite of it, for His greater glory. The progress of God's Kingdom is only dependent on humility, and obedience. To do that to which we are called, and to call out to Him in our weakness. and failures are not necessarily reflections on us, but merely God accomplishing His work in a subtle way. It's utterly amazing.
Dec 25, 2006
SBWR
that's short for Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve, where i was today. saw about a hundred crabs, a handful of giant mudskippers, and two monitor lizards happily basking less than a metre off the path.
saw a single magpie robin, and a copper-throated sunbird, both of which are apparently considered quite rare in Singapore. also huge flocks of what i THINK are curlew sandpipers. shore birds are more difficult to identify.
been to lazy to blog properly of late. been too busy. plenty to write about, no time to write it in. bah.
saw a single magpie robin, and a copper-throated sunbird, both of which are apparently considered quite rare in Singapore. also huge flocks of what i THINK are curlew sandpipers. shore birds are more difficult to identify.
been to lazy to blog properly of late. been too busy. plenty to write about, no time to write it in. bah.
Dec 15, 2006
The difference between learning and being taught is this: learning appeals
to our pride and ego...being taught requires submission and the acceptance
of authority. Learning can end up filling in the space between our
ears. But correction and discipline will not give up until there is
life-change. It's the difference between information and
transformation. God is never satisfied to fill our minds...He wants to
radically alter our lives. - Rick Foster
to our pride and ego...being taught requires submission and the acceptance
of authority. Learning can end up filling in the space between our
ears. But correction and discipline will not give up until there is
life-change. It's the difference between information and
transformation. God is never satisfied to fill our minds...He wants to
radically alter our lives. - Rick Foster
Dec 8, 2006
post-exam fever!
well. not exactly fever. don't thinki'm feverish. down with flu, though. missed the casting crowns worship concert thing. missing cell tonight too probably. yet somehow i'm glad.
there's nothing like being a little bit ill to make you appreciate how good life is. sitting in the car with my dad and sis, and talking about not much in particular, and enjoying it thoroughly.
i think i crave companionship alot more when i'm not feeling well. had no company on the way home, but at least i had a nice full-size pillow, which i was bringing back from hostel. slept rather well on the train. =)
there was once i told someone that it was probably true that guys thought about sex roughly 500 times a day. but that was where i was then. i think i was in the army at the time. i no longer think its true. i think it depends alot on where i am in relation to God at that point in time.
i have learnt that telling yourself you will not do something doesn't work. not for me, anyway. worked for Job apparently, who made a "covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a woman", but not for me. what works for me is when i approach God in the morning, and humbly ask for grace and His protection from the temptations that come to me, knowing full well and having proven over and over that i cannot do it on my own. and faith sustains me throughout the day.
I thank God for the exams that have just gone by, and for this first semester at uni. Never have been so stressed in my life - to the point of tears at one point. stupid term paper. But i have learned part of what it means to trust God, and to be a faithful steward of my time. i have learned about rest at appropriate times, and i have learned that whatever work we have, it has been given to us by God, and in doing it faithfully, we worship God. i've learnt about the dangers of self-indulgence.
the challenge is to remember this once next sem starts again.
i saw an eagle today. too far away to make out the species. i saw a small flock of white-crested laughingthrushes some weeks ago, and i think i'm learning to recognise their calls. and this big black bird with red eyes which i can't identify yet. another unidentified species of woodpecker. there's a scarlet-backed flowerpecker who like to hang around in the trees just outside my window, and i've learnt how to recognise it's calls. the amount of variety in the plumage of the birds is simply incredible. awe-inspiring. indescribable.
It's amazing what prayer does. Amazing how much God cares about the little little details in your life. Like how when i sit down in the outdoors to be quiet and i ask God to show me something amazing, He has never failed me. Like how I had some strange extended family function which i was rather dreading going for, and somehow my gf appears at the same table as me to keep me company all night. how i only fall ill on the day of my last exam paper.
and it's stunning how faithless, and prayerless i still am, in the light of all this. in spite of the joy i've had in my quiet times these past few months, i find myself drifting away again. letting my feelings, my physical tiredness, any excuse to get in the way. but it's all excuses. but i'm still learning.
there's nothing like being a little bit ill to make you appreciate how good life is. sitting in the car with my dad and sis, and talking about not much in particular, and enjoying it thoroughly.
i think i crave companionship alot more when i'm not feeling well. had no company on the way home, but at least i had a nice full-size pillow, which i was bringing back from hostel. slept rather well on the train. =)
there was once i told someone that it was probably true that guys thought about sex roughly 500 times a day. but that was where i was then. i think i was in the army at the time. i no longer think its true. i think it depends alot on where i am in relation to God at that point in time.
i have learnt that telling yourself you will not do something doesn't work. not for me, anyway. worked for Job apparently, who made a "covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a woman", but not for me. what works for me is when i approach God in the morning, and humbly ask for grace and His protection from the temptations that come to me, knowing full well and having proven over and over that i cannot do it on my own. and faith sustains me throughout the day.
I thank God for the exams that have just gone by, and for this first semester at uni. Never have been so stressed in my life - to the point of tears at one point. stupid term paper. But i have learned part of what it means to trust God, and to be a faithful steward of my time. i have learned about rest at appropriate times, and i have learned that whatever work we have, it has been given to us by God, and in doing it faithfully, we worship God. i've learnt about the dangers of self-indulgence.
the challenge is to remember this once next sem starts again.
i saw an eagle today. too far away to make out the species. i saw a small flock of white-crested laughingthrushes some weeks ago, and i think i'm learning to recognise their calls. and this big black bird with red eyes which i can't identify yet. another unidentified species of woodpecker. there's a scarlet-backed flowerpecker who like to hang around in the trees just outside my window, and i've learnt how to recognise it's calls. the amount of variety in the plumage of the birds is simply incredible. awe-inspiring. indescribable.
It's amazing what prayer does. Amazing how much God cares about the little little details in your life. Like how when i sit down in the outdoors to be quiet and i ask God to show me something amazing, He has never failed me. Like how I had some strange extended family function which i was rather dreading going for, and somehow my gf appears at the same table as me to keep me company all night. how i only fall ill on the day of my last exam paper.
and it's stunning how faithless, and prayerless i still am, in the light of all this. in spite of the joy i've had in my quiet times these past few months, i find myself drifting away again. letting my feelings, my physical tiredness, any excuse to get in the way. but it's all excuses. but i'm still learning.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
