it's amazing how pampered we are. what a blessed life i lead. such that i now take certain small luxuries for granted, y'know? things like hot showers, and a room/cupboard to call your own.
i was sent on an exercise, albeit a "senang" one which takes place inside of a building, fully expecting to spend the entire week cooped up, caged, unable to taste the free air. resigned to it, even. and when unexpectedly released close to 8pm on the first day, the joy which welled up within me seemed a strange counterpoint to the frustration and anger i feel if i am forced to remain beyond normal working hours, on any normal working day. how is it that going home at 6 is a greater cause for anger than going home at 9? it's all about perspective...
its interesting to see how lost, and unsettled i felt in those first few days, when i had nowhere to put my stuff down that i could call my own. i had packed enough for six days, and it was no small amount, and i continued to feel uneasy till a good friend found me some unofficial lodgings. how to describe it? i just wanted a place to set out my stuff, to organise the mound of belongings inside my bag, and a place to have some quiet solitude amongst the teeming masses. it did not happen till the third day. it reminded me of Jesus, somehow... some vague memory of having no place to call his own. hmm..
i was granted the unexpected favour of being able to return home on the first three days. on that fourth night....ok, i'm too tired to write nicely anymore.. anyway, it proved extremely hard for me to convince myself to take a shower... it was 10pm, the water was cold, the showerhead wouldn't produce anything but a single stream of water, and the cubicle was unfurnished but for a single clothes hook. the luxury of my current camp (which is so old that it is due to be refurbished within the next two years) is such that each shower cubicle comes with a clothes hook, a bench to park your stuff, and a shower curtain to prevent your stuff from getting wet. sheer luxury eh?
anyway, yes, took shower. couldn't really avoid it. the initial step is always the hardest.
so i stayed in camp for two nights on a bed that was not supposed to be mine. its occupants had obviously decided that home was a better place to be, but i did not have that option. and on the third day, when i was due to go home, i found that i was strangely calm about it. gone was that breathless anticipation, the aching desire to run all the way out the gates and to the bus stop, and fly home with all haste. in fact, i even stayed a little later than i needed to, to keep that good friend company for awhile.
one might marvel at how quickly humans adapt to new conditions. or perhaps it was the prior training i had, at BMT and OCS, which allowed me to adapt quickly to this new-old environment. but another week is coming up, when it is doubtful i will return home at all... and we shall see how things go.
