this happened a couple of weeks ago, during yet another prolonged absence from the blogboard, but i'm only writing it now.
it was the morning of Nov 6th, after a semi-sleepless night half-spent standing by my camp's main gate and waiting for people to appear so that i could open the gate for them. now that i think about it, i remind myself of those doors on that legendary starship, the Heart of Gold (go read H2G2!!) - "Thank you for making a simple door very happy!" *ugh*
so it was a sunday, and i was somewhat sleepy, suffering from sunday morning stupor, aided by somniferous sermon, so i decided to just flip through my notebook.
its an old notebook... used it way back in J1, half-filled it, then stopped for some reason. been carrying it around recently, but not really making entries in it... out of the habit. so i flip through the notebook, taking a glimpse into my life as a J1.....
it truly boggled the mind. i was numbshocked. and saddened.
recorded in those pages were the thoughts and prayers of someone whose life was totally focused on God. every decision, every problem, every plan came under the dominion of God. verses, reflections, prayers, the kind of journalling i'm trying unsuccessfully to do now. i read the prayers, and i saw someone who wanted with all his heart to submit each and every facet of his life into God's hands, with no regard for his own wants. put me in mind of the song lyrics.
There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain
And like a child he would believe without a reason
Without a trace he disappeared into the void, and
I've been searching
For that missing person
i wonder where that person has gone, and whether he will ever come back. i wonder if its right to regret, and to be grieved over his disappearance. whether or not, like Aslan said in the Chronicles of Narnia, that you can never come back the same way twice. and whether or not that fire was merely laying the foundations for a stronger Christian life. but all the same.....
Look down and see this waiting host
And send the promised Holy Ghost
We NEED another Pentecost
Send the fire today!
i wanted to write more, but my sister is talking to me and i'm distracted. sigh... plus i need to go. late for rehearsal. sigh........
i want that same kind of fire, the all out burning passion to know God more, and to be known by Him. O Lord...
