haven't been here for a couple of weeks... typing is so slow. my brain works faster than i can talk, and i talk way faster than i get type. this, as a form of release for my feelings and frustrations, just doesnt cut it. but it will have to do.
listening to some choral MP3s, given me by huien. just in the nick of time, i say, being in a horrendous mood. horrendous. on the CD, written in red marker, is "for (censored to protect my identity!!)... mp3s". i think its sweet.
managed to create a rift between me and a guy at work on friday. my fault, i say, being in the horrendous mood that i was. basically exchanging the usual verbal barbs which are usually jokes and lightly brushed aside, but i guess there was a little venom in my voice, and me stalking off ahead of everyone else didnt really help...... i just wanted to be alone, but the gesture came across really badly. anyway thank God its over and resolved, and the other guy made the first move too.
i was in a horrible mood, 'cos someone was having a senseless shouting match in my vicinity, and i get affected really negatively by that. and we were complaining about the unfairness of the army system, and the biasness of the boss, and that put me in seriously a bad mood. i attempted to hang back at lunch and let them disappear on first, but then they waited for me, and then the world exploded. sigh... backup singing at night, someone said the pitching was all over the place during rehearsal, didnt exactly make me feel good... i take criticism really badly sometimes.
yesterday was much better... was kinda "nua" the whole morning, being unreasonably tired for nearly nine hours of sleep, but i had a headache and was pretty sure i was on the verge of falliong ill. but i swung by jill's place, and she REALLY wasn't feeling well, and i felt better. happens to me for some strange reason - when someone around me is down or upset or whatever, i go to the opposite. i hope people find it encouraging and helpful. anyway, played frisbee with a bunch of people, had great fun, scored quite a number of points =) yay for me.
and then today... well, can't really say it was bad, just in abit of a mood now. worship prac, worship went fine. always petrified that the sound will be really terrible, not really confident yet. ditto with the backup singing, which cropped up unexpectedly near the end of service. but the reason i've got a horrible mood is that i wasted the whole afternoon playing Winning Eleven 9. wanted to get off after a couple of games, but people kept asking me to play for some strange reason, and i obliged, having neither the will nor energy to refuse them. and then i just felt crappy at the end of it all. should have come home and cleaned up my room or something, room being in a perpetual state of civil unrest. so, upset at wasting afternoon. releasing pent up frustration on blog. and listening to good music. good ol' harmony.
i heard this from someone, and it resonated with me. that sometimes, its hard to know who among your friends feel the same way about you. someone whom you feel comfortable sharing things with, do they feel the same way? or are they just listening because its the polite thing to do, because they try to love people in general. i fear that i may be imposing upon them with my fevered ranting... doesn't help that those you thought of as friends don't seem to keep in contact much... sigh.
dinner beckons.
