i think of things, but i hardly write them down. so most thoughts get lost within about five minutes, as soon as i get distracted by something else.
i've taken to sms-ing myself whenever something crops up that seems like i should try and remember it. did anyone see me in church today sms-ing during the sermon? well, technically i wasn't sms-ing someone else, if only for the fact that i, me, myself doesn't quite qualify as someone else.
but anyway.
i am a judgemental person. perhaps those who know me have figured it out long ago, but i've only been discovering it these past few months. someone does something which doesn't agree with my own values system, and i blow up, inside of me where no one hears, condemning the person a thousand deaths. its been happening alot more often since i started working in the army at my current post... what with office politics and all... although i wouldn't call it politics... more like "testing the system".
i've been trying. really hard. what i used to try to do was justify their behaviour, to attempt to explain away their actions as being short-sighted, or ignorant, or the result of a bad mood. but i guess the one thing that i'm starting to learn is this: people have faults.
ground-breaking revelation, huh? i bet most of you knew this from age five, but i'm just slow. but its one thing to diagnose people with faults, and quite another to learn to accept people just as they are, faults and all. to love everyone just the same, even though they do certain things that make your blood boil. i certainly am getting alot of practice. and failing quite abit. my army friends will occasionally hear the venom in my voice as i describe some of the targets of my bitterness. "Love your enemies."... man, that's a tough one.
i guess that when i used to pretend that people didn't have faults, it made me unable to accept the flaws which they exhibited from time to time.... now that i accept the fact, that yes, we are flawed creatures, myself included many times over, then it becomes easier to accept people as they are. i wish i had learned this earlier, but everything happens for a reason, i guess.
it's only now that i begin to understand that people are multi-faceted, or many-sided, if you will. and that some aspects of their life are nice, and some are not. and that in accepting them, you accept the whole.
i've also learnt that different people get angry at different things. that a certain action will be brushed off easily by someone, but be earth-shattering to another. i've found that i'm a very legalistic person, who gets terribly offended by people who bend rules without apparent recrimination. especially true when i find those rules a pain. but i get so terribly caught up in following rules just for the sake of following rules.... that i often forget that people come first. oh well.
its so easy to forget our reason for living. when God's Spirit moves, it seems so crystal clear that my every last waking moment should be spent striving to be God's light in this dark world, thanks to the light which has been given to us. but when you're sleepy, or just weary after a long december, sometimes you just want to switch off and go do some brainless stuff, and be selfish for awhile. and my tolerance for selflessness is rather low, compared to this certain girl i know. =). But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. More tough words to live up to. working out faith.
the other thing i sms-ed myself about was to properly study the beatitudes, and how each of them can apply to me and my life. i'll put that one right next to my other resolution to study the 11 articles of faith of the Salvation Army and what they mean to me, which has been on my to-do list for about half a year now. oh yeah, and eventually stick that notice-board thing to my wall. it currently resides on top of my wardrobe.
going to watch Narnia tonight, apparently. perhaps i shall go examine my wardrobe for hidden universes inside. =)
