God help the outcasts

Hungry from birth

Show them the mercy

They don't find on earth

The lost and forgotten

They look to you still

God help the outcasts

Or nobody will

I ask for nothing

I can get by

But I know so many

Less lucky than I

God help the outcasts

The poor and downtrod

I thought we all were

The children of God

a summary of december

if there's anything consistent about my posts, it's the three-week break in between them.


been a crazy month, but i won't say much about it, 'cos the details have all been obscured by the more recent memories. i need more RAM.

i was commenting to someone yesterday or today that this is the first time in a very long time that i've actually had a day with NOTHING scheduled. of course, it entailed me turning down a game of frisbee and a barbeque, but i really needed the rest. this is how tired i was/am.

i slept at about midnight last night.
i woke at 10am.
i fell asleep slightly after 1pm.
i only woke up again at 6pm.
its now approaching 10pm. i'm very sleepy. just waiting for a phone call.

i've been falling asleep on buses on every bus ride without fail. i've managed to fall asleep several times on the mrt while standing. i think i really am a glutton for sleep... really can't do without an average of seven hours plus... can't focus properly with lack of sleep, which kinda messes up alot of stuff. seems a little unfair when i think about those people who seem to survive fine on four hours.... but i guess God created each of us special, and different, and that we just gotta make do with what we are given. warts, pimples, and all.

liked my christmas presents. got a Zits(r) treasury, which i finished within three hours of opening it about 27 hours ago, and have already read it a second time through. goes very nicely with the various Foxtrot and Get Fuzzy and Calvin and Hobbes and Baby Blues all over the house... thinking of bringing them all into my room and starting a collection. comics - good, clean entertainment. doesn't promote poor values, doesn't mess around with your emotions, portable, and easily readable in any small amount of spare time you have (no continuity required). gotta love 'em.
got yellow-orange polo tee thingy which came in this really interesting net thingy made from brown string.... trying to figure out some interesting way to use the net.... seems like a shame to just stuff it away somewhere out of sight.
got USB PS2 controller for the PC.... i remember just mentioning off-hand to my sis a couple of weeks back how the Winning Eleven 8 which i bought didn't play well with a keyboard, and so she got me that. it's very nice when people remember your off-hand remarks... shows you they actually listen. =). makes me feel valued.

quite happy with today, managed to get abit of stuff done. cleared up my room abit, caught up on a whole lot of sleep, typed an email which i've been putting off for awhile, wrote in blog! but still lots of things to do... feel like taking half day tomorrow to get it done..... the house is still in the post-christmas mess... feel like doing something about it.... got scholarship application which i've put off for very long, need to send some documents in to NUS by early Jan latest to confirm my place this year, still putting off driving lessons, haven't mounted the corkboard in my room which i bought two weeks ago.... and probably a bit more which has currently slipped my mind.

oh yeah, and my work is in a mess too. got more responsibilities than i know what to do with, and i'm slipping inexorably into ORD-mood .... i.e. i don't want to do anything at work anymore. but MY UNDERSTUDY HAS COME IN!!!! i.e. the guy who is supposed to take over my job, so i can start pushing my responsibilities away now. yay.

Dancing bears,
Painted wings,
Things I almost remember,
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December.


zzzzzz......

?

been pondering a couple of verses today...

"With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith." 2 Thess 1:11

i was taught when i was young that having a good purpose is insufficient, and that we should act in God's will. so i have had a tendency to wait and not do anything, waiting for "the Voice of God" to speak to me and get me moving. i wonder if that's the way.... or rather, where the balance is found.

and also this:
Again the LORD spoke to Ahaz, "Ask the LORD your God for a sign, whether in the deepest depths or in the highest heights."
But Ahaz said, "I will not ask; I will not put the LORD to the test."
Then Isaiah said, "Hear now, you house of David! Is it not enough to try the patience of men? Will you try the patience of my God also?

but Jesus quotes the same words in Luke 4, "Do not put the Lord your God to the test". (the original quote is from Deut 6:16 thereabouts.) It looks for all the world like a contradiction to me.... you might say that the LORD spoke specifically commanding Ahaz to ask for a sign, but i have always believed that what God says will always be in accordance with His Word as written in the Scriptures - Ahaz was quoting Scripture, but it angered God? strange....

being a Berean, I am.

GEPers? %@!

been a spate of articles in Today regarding the elitist nature of those who are in the Gifted Education Programme.

of all the arguments, the only one that makes sense to me is that students of every kind and creed tend to hang out with people from their own class. and by some strange coincidence, GEPers' classmates are... MORE GEPERS!!! a more amazing leap of logic i have never deduced.

and, contrary to the newspaper report, we are not known even to ourselves as GEPers. we are known... as ... jeeps. take it from a "GEPer" himself. newspaper should REALLY try to get accurate information before publishing it for public misinformation.

and i REALLY, REALLY think that a SUB-EDITOR of the Today newspaper would have more SENSE and TACT than to compare GEPers with lepers. I officially register my displeasure, and wish the writer a plague of whitish skin that eventually causes his digits to fall off.

honestly. and i haven't even seen an apology from the newspaper.

.

it seemed so much easier when i was young to say, "here i am Lord, send me." as we grow up in this fallen world, as we live with people and rub shoulders with them, we start to develop other goals in our life. to get a certain job, to make a certain amount of money, to order life in the way which you see as being best for yourself and your own happiness.

but then you begin to make decisions that align to your own vision of life, your own path. you start to worry about having sufficient by way of material things, even though God has proven himself faithful time and time again. and you forget to consult God the all-wise and all-loving. i think the sermon touched on this on sunday - how we will only figure out what God's good, perfect and pleasing will for our life is AFTER we have presented our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto God.

i shock myself that i actually remember what was preached in the sermon. doesn't happen often.


I surrender all
My silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow
Cost me everything
I surrender all
My human soul's desires
If sacrifice requires
That all my Kingdoms fall
I surrender all

Everything I have
All I've done and all I've known
Now belongs to You
The life I live is not my own
Just as Abraham laid Isaac
On the sacrificial fire
If all I am is all that You desire
I surrender all...


i'm pondering taking up a responsibility.... don't know what to think about it.

Exercise *classified*

it's amazing how pampered we are. what a blessed life i lead. such that i now take certain small luxuries for granted, y'know? things like hot showers, and a room/cupboard to call your own.

i was sent on an exercise, albeit a "senang" one which takes place inside of a building, fully expecting to spend the entire week cooped up, caged, unable to taste the free air. resigned to it, even. and when unexpectedly released close to 8pm on the first day, the joy which welled up within me seemed a strange counterpoint to the frustration and anger i feel if i am forced to remain beyond normal working hours, on any normal working day. how is it that going home at 6 is a greater cause for anger than going home at 9? it's all about perspective...

its interesting to see how lost, and unsettled i felt in those first few days, when i had nowhere to put my stuff down that i could call my own. i had packed enough for six days, and it was no small amount, and i continued to feel uneasy till a good friend found me some unofficial lodgings. how to describe it? i just wanted a place to set out my stuff, to organise the mound of belongings inside my bag, and a place to have some quiet solitude amongst the teeming masses. it did not happen till the third day. it reminded me of Jesus, somehow... some vague memory of having no place to call his own. hmm..

i was granted the unexpected favour of being able to return home on the first three days. on that fourth night....ok, i'm too tired to write nicely anymore.. anyway, it proved extremely hard for me to convince myself to take a shower... it was 10pm, the water was cold, the showerhead wouldn't produce anything but a single stream of water, and the cubicle was unfurnished but for a single clothes hook. the luxury of my current camp (which is so old that it is due to be refurbished within the next two years) is such that each shower cubicle comes with a clothes hook, a bench to park your stuff, and a shower curtain to prevent your stuff from getting wet. sheer luxury eh?

anyway, yes, took shower. couldn't really avoid it. the initial step is always the hardest.


so i stayed in camp for two nights on a bed that was not supposed to be mine. its occupants had obviously decided that home was a better place to be, but i did not have that option. and on the third day, when i was due to go home, i found that i was strangely calm about it. gone was that breathless anticipation, the aching desire to run all the way out the gates and to the bus stop, and fly home with all haste. in fact, i even stayed a little later than i needed to, to keep that good friend company for awhile.

one might marvel at how quickly humans adapt to new conditions. or perhaps it was the prior training i had, at BMT and OCS, which allowed me to adapt quickly to this new-old environment. but another week is coming up, when it is doubtful i will return home at all... and we shall see how things go.