the sermon today was on the christian disciplines. in summary: word, prayer, worship, service, fellowship, evangelism. i figure i've got most of that going in one form or other, except the last one. fellowship isn't particularly strong, but i'm working on that this year.
an old dilemma reared it's head again during the sermon though. the pastor was talking about the importance of discipline, carrying our cross, beating our bodies etc etc. it's easy to be captured by inspiring speakers, and push ourselves to higher standards, only to fall away shortly thereafter. it's all very well for paul to talk about working day and night so as not to burden others, but i'm not really motivated enough to do that.
i've been doing abit of a bible study on work issues, and it seems that many of the NT commandments telling us to work hard are given in the context of lazy people who depend on the church for handouts. does that mean that as long as i have enough money for myself, i'm working hard enough? what about doing all things as for the Lord? the gung-ho implications of that particular verse seems to leave no room for rest, no room for leisure, no room for hobbies. yet that is a formula for burnout. plus you might become extremely boring to hang out with.
i was convinced that my main goal this year was to learn how to rest properly. to truly rest, and not merely while away my time on frivolous pursuits, and through resting properly to give myself fully to things which i commit myself to, instead of merely turning up and serving in a perfunctory manner. i've actually been getting into the word abit more, and praying abit more, and enjoying them both more than i have in awhile. but simultaneously, my motivation and desire to study has plummeted. school deadlines mean little to me now, and tests hold little anxiety for me. there's very little which i'm actually putting effort into at the moment, which doesn't seem quite right to me... is this right?
on an unrelated note, i noticed that Jesus gave us the Spirit of Truth. Yet just because something is true doesn't mean that it is Truth. the way that some other people phrase this difference is by distinguishing physical and spiritual realities. when i was younger, and to a certain extent even now, i quested for what was true believing that it would set me free. what i didn't understand was that the Truth is not something perceived by the eyes or understood by the mind...
work!
