i chickened out today. like a chicken running from the chopping block, when push came to shove, i exited, stage left. i'm mixing metaphors too. apparently it's a bad habit.
and so i'm left to ruminate on what could have been. the conditions were all right - pastor was there, lending his support. there were a whole bunch of old faces whom i hadn't seen in forever, and i do believe that they came for a reason. some people gave me discouraging remarks, but i had put that away as the result of an over-analytical mind. in every song i found words of encouragement, spurring me onwards. but.
and i feel a little bit like Peter, after the rooster crowed. left alone to rue decisions made in the heat of the fight. so terribly apt that i testified about failure today - look! it has come true again!
i am looking for the restoration that Jesus gave Peter, but i think that it has to come from the mouth of a person. and i have a few people in mind, so i guess that's good.
i've got a page of my planner that's gradually filling up with blog entries delayed. somehow i don't think they'll ever get posted.
