reading a friend's blog a few minutes ago. struck by the beauty and the poetry inherent in those words. i envy those people, who weave pictures into their words, whose minds dream of things outside my humdrum world, whose imaginations take them to places exotic and beautiful, even on such a dreary day as this. but i am not that person.
i have picked out a path in life. my journey is set, mapped, planned, or so i think. i used to be sad for those people who haven't a clue what they want in their future, who lack a vision and a direction, but today i envy them. without the shackles of a set path in life, they are free to dream dreams that bestride the narrow world, that send the mind aloft with the innumerable possibilities that are offered to us lucky cretins who live in a prosperous and free society.
O to live the life of the idle rich. To have the freedom and wherewithal to live in the lap of luxury, to wander and to wonder at the mysteries of this earth, to have the freedom and the capacity to indulge all my curiosities and my wanderlust. where am i going?
the phrase "dwell in the tents of the wicked" jumps to mind. psalm 84, somewhere. because i know that idle hands do the devil's work, as i know only too well. because living a life that serves only one's own desires is meaningless and empty, and that one cannot live such a life without descending into depression and depravity.
"and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
so i dwell here momentarily, in the carefree dreams of a child, in full knowledge that i have moved on to adulthood. i am now weighed with the cares and burdens of this world, as Atlas of old, and can no longer indulge in the fantasies of youth. such is my lot, to spend my life in service, in accordance to my calling, and i am already weary. i am weeping, inside and out. (in an army camp, good grief. i need to hide somewhere)
somehow i am supposed to find joy and peace in this. it takes greater maturity than i can find now.
two night's ago, listening to a message about a life of service, i was struck by an analogy. it was about parasites. not in the mood to carry on now, say more later.
