twice this week i have left my entire set of keys hanging outside my hostel room door. once, this was overnight - approximately 9 hours.
i thank God that i still have my keys.
Oct 4, 2008
Sep 29, 2008
hooray for double standards *sarcasm*
so i was attempting to find library space to work on a presentation with a friend today. it is well-nigh impossible to get library space (with table, and power-point) anytime after 10am, and i was there at 4pm.
so i backed up into one of those "for cell-phone users only" rooms - i figured that since i needed to discuss the presentation, it was as good an alibi as any.
but nope, a librarian comes along after about 5 minutes and politely asks us to move. i argue abit, but he refuses to give in. so i move.
and then i notice that he hasn't bothered even approaching the other people in all the other cell-phone rooms to ask them to move. he just walked off!
irksome.
and my latest VIVA was horrible. and i've just found an online comic strip that i like, and i've gone through about 600 back strips. only halfway through the archives, but that's still alot for a day when i was supposed to be working.
*edit: reached 1200 before sleeping. whoops*
so i backed up into one of those "for cell-phone users only" rooms - i figured that since i needed to discuss the presentation, it was as good an alibi as any.
but nope, a librarian comes along after about 5 minutes and politely asks us to move. i argue abit, but he refuses to give in. so i move.
and then i notice that he hasn't bothered even approaching the other people in all the other cell-phone rooms to ask them to move. he just walked off!
irksome.
and my latest VIVA was horrible. and i've just found an online comic strip that i like, and i've gone through about 600 back strips. only halfway through the archives, but that's still alot for a day when i was supposed to be working.
*edit: reached 1200 before sleeping. whoops*
Sep 25, 2008
Zion for whom...
Jer 32:17b
"...Zion for whom no one cares."
when the words you want to say get choked up in your throat.
i discovered a wound today.
if there's one thing i've been learning of late, it is this: the heart is central.
*weeps*
"...Zion for whom no one cares."
when the words you want to say get choked up in your throat.
i discovered a wound today.
if there's one thing i've been learning of late, it is this: the heart is central.
*weeps*
Sep 20, 2008
midnight adventure
in cell yesterday we were talking abit about how it was important to rid ourselves of the lies that have been placed in our hearts from our past. i guess it was in this context that i had abit of an adventure...
i sprained my knee mildly while playing soccer with the guys - the usual knee gave way again, but it wasn't a bad sprain, because i could walk without too much difficulty after a short rest. but since more soccer was obviously not an option, i decided to head back to hostel. it was then about 11:15pm - i figured i might just about catch the last 151 from clementi area into school. although i missed a 74 just as i arrived at the bus-stop, another one arrived within about 3 minutes.
i was looking anxiously out the back of the bus to see if any 151 was overhauling my bus - if there was, i would need to take emergency action. but i didn't see any other bus my whole journey to clementi, and as i got off at the last bus stop on clementi road, my watch read 11:48pm.
I took a moment to glance at the information board - Service 151, weekdays, last bus at 11:48pm. "Hmm", I thought, "the last bus is usually abit slow. Guess I made it in time." Just about then I received an sms. And by Murphy's law, while I was checking it, 151 zoomed by.
So I thought, "Sigh. Why does this always happen to me." Having missed my last bus, I figured there wasn't much point hanging around, so i started walking towards school. About 3 minutes later, another 151 went past me while I was crossing a traffic light. Sigh... Brilliant decision-making there. Had i just stopped to think for a moment, I would have caught that bus.
So I started asking God why. It's too coincidental not to be pre-arranged. I'm trying o hard to catch the last bus after blowing $7 on a 3-min cab ride last week, I make it there with 30 seconds to spare, my friend smses me at exactly the right moment, I end up walking with a sore knee, and the last bus mysteriously becomes the 2nd last bus. So in the context of what I was talking about earlier, I started identifying the belief statements that I had been spouting. 1) Bad stuff always happens to me. 2) My decision-making is poor.
Both statements are unbiblical. The second one especially hinders me in many things. Fear of making the wrong decision has often crippled me. So awareness is good.
yup, plenty more drama after that. Reached my room at 12:30am. 40 mins of talking to God is nice.
i sprained my knee mildly while playing soccer with the guys - the usual knee gave way again, but it wasn't a bad sprain, because i could walk without too much difficulty after a short rest. but since more soccer was obviously not an option, i decided to head back to hostel. it was then about 11:15pm - i figured i might just about catch the last 151 from clementi area into school. although i missed a 74 just as i arrived at the bus-stop, another one arrived within about 3 minutes.
i was looking anxiously out the back of the bus to see if any 151 was overhauling my bus - if there was, i would need to take emergency action. but i didn't see any other bus my whole journey to clementi, and as i got off at the last bus stop on clementi road, my watch read 11:48pm.
I took a moment to glance at the information board - Service 151, weekdays, last bus at 11:48pm. "Hmm", I thought, "the last bus is usually abit slow. Guess I made it in time." Just about then I received an sms. And by Murphy's law, while I was checking it, 151 zoomed by.
So I thought, "Sigh. Why does this always happen to me." Having missed my last bus, I figured there wasn't much point hanging around, so i started walking towards school. About 3 minutes later, another 151 went past me while I was crossing a traffic light. Sigh... Brilliant decision-making there. Had i just stopped to think for a moment, I would have caught that bus.
So I started asking God why. It's too coincidental not to be pre-arranged. I'm trying o hard to catch the last bus after blowing $7 on a 3-min cab ride last week, I make it there with 30 seconds to spare, my friend smses me at exactly the right moment, I end up walking with a sore knee, and the last bus mysteriously becomes the 2nd last bus. So in the context of what I was talking about earlier, I started identifying the belief statements that I had been spouting. 1) Bad stuff always happens to me. 2) My decision-making is poor.
Both statements are unbiblical. The second one especially hinders me in many things. Fear of making the wrong decision has often crippled me. So awareness is good.
yup, plenty more drama after that. Reached my room at 12:30am. 40 mins of talking to God is nice.
Sep 18, 2008
Aug 31, 2008
gratitude
was emo-ing badly today during service. i suppose i was just grouchy. was demanding of God what i could expect from Him, what promises i could claim, or whether the whole Christian life was service and suffering...
the scriptures seem to back me up here. Jesus told his disciples this: that if they had a servant who had spent the whole day working in the fields, and came back in the evening, would they not tell the servant to prepare dinner and serve them first before eating his own dinner? and would they thank the servant for doing what he had been told to do? so must we be, having done all that has been asked of us, say only that we are unworthy servants... in another passage, Jesus tells his disciples that anyone who puts his hand to the plow and turns to look back is not fit for the kingdom of God...
was flipping through the gospels during service... sermon was about parenting, so not immediately applicable to me. i stumbled upon a familiar passage, talking about the kingdom of God... it says that the kingdom of God is like a man who discovered a treasure in a field, who then went and sold everything he had and bought the field. and so i was reminded that all our life and all our service has already been bought and paid for, and that it was God who gave us the great gift of salvation first, such that we now give Him our whole life in gratitude.
It reminded me of a song:
It's the great gift of Your salvation
Working in me, working in me
It's the life giving taste of heaven
Your kindness revealed, your kindness revealed to me
I went for a seminar thing yesterday, dozed through bits of it. But one bit which I do remember was when the speaker reminded us that the only acceptable motivation for obeying God is our gratitude. Never should we think that we are somehow doing God a favour, or gaining brownie points with God. Nor should we even work merely out of a sense of duty, lest we should make an idol out of our sense of duty.
I've always insisted that everything I do must have a reason. But it seems to me now that this is another form of pride.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waYUzxK8TYA
the scriptures seem to back me up here. Jesus told his disciples this: that if they had a servant who had spent the whole day working in the fields, and came back in the evening, would they not tell the servant to prepare dinner and serve them first before eating his own dinner? and would they thank the servant for doing what he had been told to do? so must we be, having done all that has been asked of us, say only that we are unworthy servants... in another passage, Jesus tells his disciples that anyone who puts his hand to the plow and turns to look back is not fit for the kingdom of God...
was flipping through the gospels during service... sermon was about parenting, so not immediately applicable to me. i stumbled upon a familiar passage, talking about the kingdom of God... it says that the kingdom of God is like a man who discovered a treasure in a field, who then went and sold everything he had and bought the field. and so i was reminded that all our life and all our service has already been bought and paid for, and that it was God who gave us the great gift of salvation first, such that we now give Him our whole life in gratitude.
It reminded me of a song:
It's the great gift of Your salvation
Working in me, working in me
It's the life giving taste of heaven
Your kindness revealed, your kindness revealed to me
I went for a seminar thing yesterday, dozed through bits of it. But one bit which I do remember was when the speaker reminded us that the only acceptable motivation for obeying God is our gratitude. Never should we think that we are somehow doing God a favour, or gaining brownie points with God. Nor should we even work merely out of a sense of duty, lest we should make an idol out of our sense of duty.
I've always insisted that everything I do must have a reason. But it seems to me now that this is another form of pride.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waYUzxK8TYA
Aug 30, 2008
a hypothetical question
one of the questions i've posed to certain wise people i know is this: why should people get married?
the only answer that seems true is because they want to. so that they can enjoy the greater intimacy that can only come from marriage and actually living together and committing to each other for this lifetime. but something about this answer gave me disquiet.
i guess that i have this mindset where wanting to do something isn't a good enough reason to go and do it. and as i think about it more, i guess this is a reaction from my past, where every thing that i wanted was something that was bad for me, and the bible verse which made the most sense to me was Jer 17:9, "The heart is deceitful above all things."
it also doesn't really jive with the idea that my life is no longer my own, and that everything i do is in service of a higher calling. and yet, as the seminar i went to today touched on, service is the wrong concept.
it's abit of a paradigm shift to think that some of the things i want are actually good things, and that i should just go ahead and strive for them. and i guess marriage falls into this category.
the only answer that seems true is because they want to. so that they can enjoy the greater intimacy that can only come from marriage and actually living together and committing to each other for this lifetime. but something about this answer gave me disquiet.
i guess that i have this mindset where wanting to do something isn't a good enough reason to go and do it. and as i think about it more, i guess this is a reaction from my past, where every thing that i wanted was something that was bad for me, and the bible verse which made the most sense to me was Jer 17:9, "The heart is deceitful above all things."
it also doesn't really jive with the idea that my life is no longer my own, and that everything i do is in service of a higher calling. and yet, as the seminar i went to today touched on, service is the wrong concept.
it's abit of a paradigm shift to think that some of the things i want are actually good things, and that i should just go ahead and strive for them. and i guess marriage falls into this category.
Aug 28, 2007
the chosen one
Henri Nouwen - Life of the Beloved
firstly, know that you are the beloved. Secondly, become the beloved. Enflesh the truth. a lifelong process. 3 spiritual disciplines - firstly, recognise the world for what it is - deceitful, lying, dealing always in condemnation and destruction. the truth is that you are the beloved, well-loved by the perfect One long before this world took you and spat you out. secondly, surround yourself with communities that speak this truth to you. thirdly, overflow with gratitude.
when you recognise that you are truly chosen, it does not breed in you any sense of superiority or arrogance, but rather, it opens your eyes to see the chosen-ness of every other person around you. when you no longer approach people in fear of rejection, or in a condemning spirit, you are free to fully engage with them, wholeheartedly, lovingly. that is why it is said that streams of living water will flow out from within us.
firstly, know that you are the beloved. Secondly, become the beloved. Enflesh the truth. a lifelong process. 3 spiritual disciplines - firstly, recognise the world for what it is - deceitful, lying, dealing always in condemnation and destruction. the truth is that you are the beloved, well-loved by the perfect One long before this world took you and spat you out. secondly, surround yourself with communities that speak this truth to you. thirdly, overflow with gratitude.
when you recognise that you are truly chosen, it does not breed in you any sense of superiority or arrogance, but rather, it opens your eyes to see the chosen-ness of every other person around you. when you no longer approach people in fear of rejection, or in a condemning spirit, you are free to fully engage with them, wholeheartedly, lovingly. that is why it is said that streams of living water will flow out from within us.
Aug 22, 2007
rushed post. don't have too much time nowadays. :)
Yesterday morning I got pretty angry at God over a trivial thing. Let's just say it was related to a computer game, and I was accusing God of not loving me. :) Really silly, I know. In my defence, let me say that I believe so firmly in God's power that I believe it extends even to computer games. :)
It brought to mind something I read in the Philip Yancey book, "Reaching for the Invisible God", where the author relates a thought that one of his friends had brought to him - "I believe that God is good, but what good is God?" It seems that sometimes being a Christian makes no difference to your life except point out in great detail what your faults are. We don't see gifts and miracles operating in our lives any more than we see them operating in the lives of others around us, and we wonder why we signed up for this faith of self-denial.
Part of the answer lies in the book of James. "When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." God loves us enough that He will not give us something that encourages our faults - He risks our anger and our rejecting Him to keep us holy and pure and set apart for Him. God wants to teach us not to covet the things of this world, so that we will not always "quarrel and fight", "kill and covet", and that we will not cultivate a friendship with this world.
There is a difference between our wants and our needs, and God WILL respond to our needs, and MAY respond to our wants, if they are not against His will. Will God give you a million dollars if He knows that it will encourage you to become lazy and slothful, and to indulge worldly lusts?
Another part of the answer is in James 1. God is training us in perseverance. Other parts of the answer lie in our own sin. I was talking with some friends about salvation, and whether it was truly a free gift in light of all the Bible says the different things which we must not do, or that we should do. It seems to me that we do others a disservice, when we emphasise the free gift that is grace, and make no mention of the life change that needs to follow.
After some thought, I guess that freedom and grace are free indeed, but that by our own actions we willfully walk back into the slavery of sin. No one can serve two masters - if we sin continually and willfully, we are putting ourselves into slavery under sin, and we forfeit the freedom that was bought for us by Christ. That is why the Bible says that idolaters, drunkards and other miscellaneous evil-doers will not enter heaven, because such men have returned to Egypt and slavery. This was confirmed for me in the book of Jude, which condemns those who "change the grace of our God into a license for immorality". Do not be deceived; God is holy.
Grace is free, but no one said it was easy. Jesus himself said that those who come to Him must hate even their own life, and be willing to carry the cross as He did. (Luke 14:25-27)
Yesterday morning I got pretty angry at God over a trivial thing. Let's just say it was related to a computer game, and I was accusing God of not loving me. :) Really silly, I know. In my defence, let me say that I believe so firmly in God's power that I believe it extends even to computer games. :)
It brought to mind something I read in the Philip Yancey book, "Reaching for the Invisible God", where the author relates a thought that one of his friends had brought to him - "I believe that God is good, but what good is God?" It seems that sometimes being a Christian makes no difference to your life except point out in great detail what your faults are. We don't see gifts and miracles operating in our lives any more than we see them operating in the lives of others around us, and we wonder why we signed up for this faith of self-denial.
Part of the answer lies in the book of James. "When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." God loves us enough that He will not give us something that encourages our faults - He risks our anger and our rejecting Him to keep us holy and pure and set apart for Him. God wants to teach us not to covet the things of this world, so that we will not always "quarrel and fight", "kill and covet", and that we will not cultivate a friendship with this world.
There is a difference between our wants and our needs, and God WILL respond to our needs, and MAY respond to our wants, if they are not against His will. Will God give you a million dollars if He knows that it will encourage you to become lazy and slothful, and to indulge worldly lusts?
Another part of the answer is in James 1. God is training us in perseverance. Other parts of the answer lie in our own sin. I was talking with some friends about salvation, and whether it was truly a free gift in light of all the Bible says the different things which we must not do, or that we should do. It seems to me that we do others a disservice, when we emphasise the free gift that is grace, and make no mention of the life change that needs to follow.
After some thought, I guess that freedom and grace are free indeed, but that by our own actions we willfully walk back into the slavery of sin. No one can serve two masters - if we sin continually and willfully, we are putting ourselves into slavery under sin, and we forfeit the freedom that was bought for us by Christ. That is why the Bible says that idolaters, drunkards and other miscellaneous evil-doers will not enter heaven, because such men have returned to Egypt and slavery. This was confirmed for me in the book of Jude, which condemns those who "change the grace of our God into a license for immorality". Do not be deceived; God is holy.
Grace is free, but no one said it was easy. Jesus himself said that those who come to Him must hate even their own life, and be willing to carry the cross as He did. (Luke 14:25-27)
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